Walking barefoot in the garden

Some of you have heard Heather and I mention this focus on gardening in our life. Walking barefoot in the garden, getting our feet dirty, pulling weeds and watering. Purging that which hinders growth. In our house and in our selves. Tending to that which bears fruit. Nurturing and growth. I have been reminded that the garden was also the place where Jesus went to speak with the Father. To be with Him.

I have had this thought that I have needed spiritual practices and routines that guide in this. A deep longing to find our center in Him. To live and breath and move from there.

Brother Lawrence speaks to me at this stage.

In comments, messages, and emails some have referred to our recent years as a desert period. That we are currently finding our way out.

We have had many thoughts on unceasing prayer and 24-7 prayer.

Last night Heather asked me about Kathleen Norris and her book Cloister Walk. I became excited. I pulled both copies off of my shelf and we read the first few pages together.

Shortly after Heather was given the word tabernacle. She was reminded of a conversation with my sister. The emotions she felt in the conversation more so than the ideas discussed. We discussed what that was. Dots began to connect. His voice coming through. More and more clearly. Signposts leading to more signposts.

Over the years Derek and Amy's blog, thebearablelight.com, has been a source of wisdom and guidance. This morning I was thinking of tabernacle as a tent, something used along the way, but then as a circus tent. Something bigger. I thought to search tabernacle on thebearablelight and found a post called The Enormous Room. I want to quote so many points of it but the whole thing just speaks to me. Resonates so deeply. I wanted to share.

Be big people in a small world! Stay in His enormity within, and everywhere you go will become a circus tent for others to meet His Presence beneath! Our personal communion space, begins to be a place of meeting or tabernacle for others, as we press on into this inner communioning! The inner big top is our home, and we give to others from beneath the canopy of this place of sacred exchange with Jesus! That’s our nucleus of spiritual power, firstly for our own transformation and formation; then outwardly for the transformation of others and our world! It always starts at home, then flows outwards. The inner births the outer. 

Jesus often went to His garden with The Father. We are meant often to tend this inner garden or room as well. This place between Jesus and The Father could not be abused–it was and is an eternal bond between them. We have such a bond with Jesus, and only we can neglect it. It’s our vital lifeline. It’s our inner core pulse. It is where Christ and I touch and know one another in holy inner communion. Tend this room, and your outer rooms will shine much brighter, and new colors will suddenly appear on your walls! And doors and windows in unexpected places will form.

Your true identity is born here in this enormous inner room. He whispers to you your “white stone” name. The nuances of your eternal identity begin to be whispered in this inner space of exchange! To know who we are, is to dwell with Him in who He is. Peter could not know himself, until He was shown who Jesus was! It is the part of yourself which is beheld and loved by Him in this communion. We are made real in the presence of Christ! We see Him, and He tells us who we are. And your identity is held safe in Him, and can never be touched, but only formed in Him. He is The Way, which contains all our little ways–those smaller paths which we are. Each of us is a way in The Way. Nothing can violate your true identity with Christ. But we must often get to this room alone with Him, and just dwell there, and resonate with Jesus Your Lover, Friend and Guide into all things.

the switch

After some more looking into the options, friendliness and the potential of Squarespace I've definitely made the decision to switch. One thing that will change about my blogging is going to be more focus on the life and lives that make their way into the posts. For now though-please change ya' links to this 'cause we is movin' on.....

title

New blog coming I hope. I've been playing with squarespace. (heard about it over on Jordon Cooper's blog)

Don't know if I'll leave this one behind or not yet.

We're off to the children's museum!! I've never been so it'll be as much fun for me as for the kids I think.

update: >>1. We didn't go to the museum. Should have realized earlier the kids were just to worn out and grouchy to go on the excursion. Heather a bit tired and worn and me a bit worn and grouchy too. We stayed home to relax and play together. But hooray for bedtime! >>2. I've decided to go ahead and put the new blog up. No reason to wait really. Time for something new anyhoo. I'll be hanging out there until further notice. Squarespace is pretty new so if things don't work out we will either come back or go elsewhere. For now - here's to new beginnings for noisyragamuffin.

To live to love

Being sick, Jess’s link and comments on this, watching the episode of E.R. where Dr. Green sees his last patient because he is dieing of a tumor, and just looking around at the lives of those who live in our apartment community reminds me how well I have it. Reminds me to be thankful for what I got. The life that I have. My beautiful family. Reminds me to enjoy my freedom in Christ and not get so stressed about what I am supposed to do with it.

My children are beautiful. My wife is beautiful. The growing baby in her belly is beautiful. My life is beautiful.

What an ass I am to ever take that for granted.

Stressing about bills seems so silly when I think about other people’s realities.

To live to love....

To enjoy the company of a stranger. An old friend. The laughter of my children. My wife’s smart-aleck comments....

To enjoy my life. To live it to the fullest. To love to the fullest. All done in/with/through Christ. That is what my neighbors need. What my family needs.

ginger ale and minestrone soup

I feel horrible today.

At home and resting.

Just going to spit this out

(I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Maybe nowhere. I’m typing this for myself. I will probably post it to share my struggle.)

My family has a lot of growing to do. We’ve come a long way though. Through our relationship with Christ and you the Church we have grown considerably over the past few years. The past year we have seen so much of what is important in life to us as individuals and as a family change. We believe we have and still are becoming disciples.

Always learning. Always room to grow.

I’ve said that I’ve come to Indianapolis with no expectations and perceived ideas about what things should look like. Now, we all know that is a little hard not to carry about with us our own ideas about how things should be and what we would like to be doing.

I try and shake off what needs to be left behind.

The thing is - I have in my heart and in my mind the need to reach those in our communities living ‘alternative lifestyles’. (That’s broad, but I think I will leave it at that for the time being.)

I have a heart for all of God’s children and, as Alan put it, His “un-children”. Rich. Poor. Urban. Suburban. Rural. Sick. Well. Pierced. Tattooed. Long hair. Bald. Comb-over. Gay. Straight. Anything-goes. Atheist. Ala Carte. Apathetic. Etc. etc. etc.

I do feel this time for the Miller’s is about our own growth as a family and as individuals. Much rest too. It is never just about “me” or “us” though. Should never be.

I have to think about how to best love my neighbor.

In my conversation with Matt in the comments a couple of posts down I said that I think sometimes we try too hard to look busy. I was preaching to myself there.

I’m asking what we are to be doing as the Church. How does Scotty begin to ’reach’ the community when He himself has soooo much to learn? So many of you that I love and admire and have learned from and I am inspired by have been about Church planting and such for some time. Many of you have been to Seminary. Many of you have traveled the world. So many of your lives have obviously touched so many others. I’m not talking about the quantity of the people but the quality of the relationships and the transformation that has taken place in people lives. The discipleship that has obviously happened.

Oh!

Did I just stumble on to something there? “....the quality of the relationships and the transformation..” “The discipleship..”

I’ve grown up with programs and big events as my examples of ’outreach’ and ’discipleship’. (well, I am from a small town so they weren’t quite so big. But they tried to be) Committees and missionaries doing the work and talking it through for us. Now that we have CHOSEN to live a missional (ever noticed that word doesn’t show up in spell check?) life....Ah....

One relationship at a time. One deed at a time. One conversation at a time. One story at a time. One pizza at a time. One tear at a time.

It doesn’t make me a ‘big-important’ person. It might not look like I’m doing a lot. Will probably look more like I’m playing than I’m ‘working’. Who am I to want to be ‘big’ and ‘important’ anyhoo? I am nothing but a ‘fellow worker’. 1 Corinthians 3

Hmm? Rest!?

(thank you Matt and Geo)

home alone

The fam has gone to see grandparents and I am here alone for the first time.

Broadband and coffee are my companions until I head off to work around 5 o'clock.

question: who can and who can not see the image to the left? When I add "align=left" to the image tag it doesn't appear in my IE browser, but I can see it in Mozilla. I've noticed that with IE I can view other's images who use the "align-left" in their postings. I don't understand.

another post

I know I haven’t commented on many of your blogs for a while. I just want to say that I am excited as I look around and see what Christ is doing through the Church. Through you that is.

I read today in “The Emerging Church” about how the US is the fifth largest ‘mission field’ globally and if all the ‘unchurched’ people in the US were gathered together as their own nation they would be the fifth largest nation in the world. WOW!! I cried reading this today. I got emotional when reading about Hudson Taylor. (cant’ believe I’ve never heard of him) It got me right at the heart. I realized I have this heart for you the Church and for the world at large and that my focus has been off. I have neglected my relationship with Christ. I want and do “dream missionary dreams.” I “must bleed missionary blood.” I “must pray missionary prayers.”

My wife and I have chosen to be prisoners of His. We have chosen to be held captive by him and to live our lives on mission. But we still do the things we do not want to do and don’t do the things we want to. He is perfect at this. We suck at it!! I pray that this young family, in serving Christ the Head, you the Church and the communities around us, would stand firm and stay focused. I pray we do not neglect our relationship with Him nor our relationship with you. Doing so would be neglecting our relationship with Him, I believe.

....I don’t really know what else to say at the moment. I love you all.

We are here in Indy to learn and to serve. To laugh and to cry with you. To work and to play. To tell stories and to listen to yours. Other than that we have know idea what we are doing. Our story is an open book.

And I say again....I am excited about what Christ is doing through the Church. Day to day it doesn’t look all that exciting. Not big and flashy that is.

This Sunday we will be driving to the home of a family we haven’t even met to do Church with other people we haven’t met. Honestly it scares me. Having grown up in the Church I know that I can walk in to FBC Anywhereville and I can hide in the corner. I can disappear in the crowd. I know from experience that I can go though a long period of going to that place and never be challenged much. I know my sins can go unnoticed for a long time. I know I can make it in and out with a smile and a wave for fellowship and never have to face my anxiety about meeting new people and opening up my life to them.

Sunday I know there will be no place to hide. There will probably be no crowd. In all probability I will set on a couch next to someone or across a kitchen table from someone and my anxiety about opening up and conversing with new people will have to be faced-by me. I know that discipleship happens in this setting. I know that discipleship means growth and I know that growth means being vulnerable and it means pain before gain quite often.

It’s the little things. The stories. The kids. The praying for each other. The sharing. The dishes. The plumbing. The tears. The food. It’s Christ being in the midst of all that that makes it so exciting. It’s going to be real. Not pretty. Just real.

I’m excited!!

Bless you all

And Peace

sleep blogging

It’s late. The kids and Mommy are tucked away safely in their beds. Daddy’s up, loving the chai tea. Tired, but can’t sleep.

I’ve tried to comment on people's blogs a few times tonight and tried to send a few emails, but I found myself deleting what I had typed before I would press post or send. Didn’t seem to be saying what I wanted to say. (wouldn’t that be cool if you could do that in conversation? You say something you didn’t want to say or shouldn’t have and you could just press delete and it didn’t happen) Silly I suppose. Maybe just too tired and too judgmental of my own thoughts. Could be I just don’t have the vocabulary to say all that I want to say. Takes too many words. My thoughts get lost in their own translation.

Maybe I should just sleep.

I had something to say-I’m sure of it

My mind’s been all over the place today. Haven’t been able to focus on the task at hand. Whatever that may have been at any given moment.

The day is done though.

Feeling kinda low but not sure what about. Just feel....blah. Ya’ know?

Think I’m going to go soak in the tub with a cup of Earl Grey and read some Merton or something.

Yeah! That sounds good.

update:: opted not to take the bath and settled for the tea and the book.

monday

Just woke up about 11:30. I’m doing an inventory of a JCPenny in one of the west-side suburbs tonight. Probably wont get home unitil after midnight. Waking up this late is horrible. So much could have or should have been accomplished by now.

Ah well, I’ve got the rest of the week off to go job hunting though.

Sitting here sipping a freshly ground-freshly brewed cup of Newman’s Columbian Especial. Yummy!! (forgive me if that sounded too much like a commercial, but the stuff is good) Kiara’s laying on my bed watching Jimmy Neutron. She’s got her hands behind her head and one leg crossed over the other looking like such a big girl. She’s talking so much these days. Quite the attitude too.

We enjoyed our time at the Beans yesterday. Got to meet Jim and Syndie Best and their children. Beautiful family. Big hearts.

It was Church. We had chocolate chip pancakes, regular pancakes, conversation and stories, bacon, eggs, kids going every which way, plenty of coffee, scripture reading and prayer.

**(kiara’s sooo cute!!)

Heather and I felt very much welcomed and accepted by Bill and Mollie. Good, authentic, loving people. The kidz loved the experience too. We asked Mikah what he thought of Bill after we got home and he says, “Oh, that funny-weird guy!?” :-)

The Miller clan is settling in.

I'll have to tell him when he has kids

The day we found out we were getting the apartment we left the complex and went to Wendy’s to have lunch and call to get broadband and electricity set up. (everything else was already taken care of)

Anyway, Mikah says he has to go to the bathroom. The place isn’t busy and we are not far from the bathroom and I’m facing the door anyway, so I let him go ahead and go by himself. His request of course.

Some time goes by and this older gentleman gets up and goes in to the bathroom.

Another minute or two and I’ve decided I should go in and check on Mikah.

I walk in to the bathroom. Sink on the left, stall in front of me and the urinal to the right behind this little piece of wall. I walk in and don’t see anyone. I know there are two people in here and I don’t see anyone!? I look down and see large feet in the stall....you know where my mind was going for that second or two. Finally, I look to the right, at the urinal, and see Mikah SITTING in the urinal. POOPING!!!! LOL!!!

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen! OMG!!!

My little four year old with his pants down sitting on the urinal. The thing was too far up for him to have peed in standing. He had to have climbed up there to get in.

I said, “Boy! What are you doing!” He looked so confused. What do ya do when you’re done pooping in a urinal and there is no toilet paper?

The guy in the stall just busts up laughing!! He says while laughing hysterically, “I walk in. I look at him. He looks at me and I say, ‘Boy, I think you are in the wrong place!’” Then the guy is rolling!!

So the guy passes some toilet paper out and I get Mikah cleaned up and wash his hands and send him on his way. I stick around so I can clean up and the guy comes out of the stall with his face beat red and eyes watering from laughing so hard.

It was great! Wish I had a camera. It was the funniest sight I have ever seen! Oh man!

i arise...

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.