man! Sooo much negativity today about the moving thing. Heather came home all excited about an idea she has for when we get to Dallas. Plus she thought about our tax return check we will get in February. There should be plenty of money from that to sustain us for a bit. The problem is that we can not stay where we are at till February..for sure. We feel that our place is down there....we do not want to have to sign a lease here and have to wait longer to go. I personally do not-DO NOT-want to wait until February. It is the Lord's decision though.
Soooo Scott...what ya' gona' do? PRAY-give in and get a baby-sitter for a while so I can go out and get a job and save every frickin' dime(and penny)-PRAY-bust my hump-PRAY-try and have a job lined up for when we get down there-PRAY-because i don't know how that will happen with having no degree and with having been a stay at home dad for like 9 months and only worked general labor jobs since high school-PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY-I'm going to do what ever i have to do because i believe it to be the Lord's will that we be there-ASK EVERYONE TO PRAY WITH US!!!!!!
One thing i will not do is give in to the negativity that Satan is throwing at me about this because I believe the Lord is calling us to be what he made us to be in the beginning. He has a path set and I believe he is calling us to walk that path(read Derek and Amy's blog), however rough.
Humbly I ask that if anyone has anything to say or advice or any help they can give us...please do! This is the biggest decision and hurdle our family has come to.
One small step for God. One giant leap for Miller kind. (i say small step, but we all know he does nothing small in terms of importance)
"'cause ya' gotta' have faith, faith, faitha" -my george michael impression just doesn't come across in text.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
“The leader of a denomination once asked me after a seminar, ‘I am 100 percent convinced of house churches. But the denomination I lead is based on the traditional church model. What do I do now?’” - Wolfgang Simson
I am not a leader in my denomination. I am not a teacher or a deacon. I am but a man touched by the life, death, and resurrection of this man we call Jesus. I am a Father, a husband, a brother, a son, and a big pain in the butt. I have been going to this same church building with pretty much the same people all of my life. I have been brought up by loving Christian parents. Wonderful ladies teaching me in Sunday school and bible school. And you know the rest. All these people I have looked to for guidance and what not for years and now I feel God calling me to take a leap. Start walking the walk. In the manner of the ’housechurch’. Now all these people I looked to as “godly people”-they don’t agree with it. What I’m going to start calling the “wineskin complex”. Whether by word or action they have given me the opposite of support. Some folks acknowledge it but you can tell that they’ve invested so much time and money into this building and it’s programs…they couldn’t possibly think of doing it another way. For the older folks it’s been their baby per say. We’re not getting the support of the old wineskin.
So….we begin the change at home. More focus on loving Him and loving each other and those around us. Lotsa prayer. I feel like the existing church is choking us though. We need other believers. We are not sure what we are doing, but we are sure as His love going to do it.
We need to be discipled.
I am not a leader in my denomination. I am not a teacher or a deacon. I am but a man touched by the life, death, and resurrection of this man we call Jesus. I am a Father, a husband, a brother, a son, and a big pain in the butt. I have been going to this same church building with pretty much the same people all of my life. I have been brought up by loving Christian parents. Wonderful ladies teaching me in Sunday school and bible school. And you know the rest. All these people I have looked to for guidance and what not for years and now I feel God calling me to take a leap. Start walking the walk. In the manner of the ’housechurch’. Now all these people I looked to as “godly people”-they don’t agree with it. What I’m going to start calling the “wineskin complex”. Whether by word or action they have given me the opposite of support. Some folks acknowledge it but you can tell that they’ve invested so much time and money into this building and it’s programs…they couldn’t possibly think of doing it another way. For the older folks it’s been their baby per say. We’re not getting the support of the old wineskin.
So….we begin the change at home. More focus on loving Him and loving each other and those around us. Lotsa prayer. I feel like the existing church is choking us though. We need other believers. We are not sure what we are doing, but we are sure as His love going to do it.
We need to be discipled.
We don’t have internet service at our place right now so sometimes I type my posts at home and then cut and paste ‘em to the blog at my in-laws. They live a 3 minute walk from here. Anyway…yesterday I was really frustrated after a conversation with Heather and I typed this really long-from the depths of my soul-kinda post ya’ know. I just spilled out onto the computer. So much frustration came out. Heather read it and we ended up having the best conversation we have had in a long time. Both of us have been soooo frustrated lately and we were able to peel away all the crap and get down to what has really been bothering us. I got to say that I love her sooooo much (notice one more ’o’ for the luv than the frustration) . She kicks me in the tail when I need it and she’s not afraid to be completely honest even when it’s going to suck. Apparently she was to be the only one to read the posts because when I went to save it to the disk again something happened and it is gone…..growl…
Monday, August 11, 2003
I woke up at 5:30 this morning. Made some fresh ground coffee. Did the left over dishes. Made some bacon and eggs. All while listening to the lovely Dolores and the Cranberries.
I was thinking about the Cairn event in Dallas with the Rudds and about being a practitioner and being “in the thick of things.” I realized that part of my frustration lately is that I haven’t felt much like a practitioner lately. We aren’t involved in any projects or groups and we really don’t get out much at all. But then I realized where Heather and I have come over the past four years and I look at what is on our hearts. The things we find important now and the things that bother us. Not wanting to settle for just existing ‘going’ to Church. Wanting to reach this Town, this State, this Nation, and this Changing world for Christ and Realizing that setting in our pews is not doing it. Truly on our hearts-wanting to serve Him completely. Actually thinking about uprooting our family and moving someplace we have never even been so that we can grow even closer to Him by becoming part of a community and learning how to live as disciples. Wanting to live our life differently than just following the way everyone is doing it here. We really feel alone here…..but despite this I have looked with the rising sun this morning on our family and have acknowledged that we are people of God-mistakes and all-and we are placing our lives down for HIM saying “we are here for you Jesus. Use us…Please!”
I have truly realized that the Spirit HAS been at work in us. I mean I knew this, but I have not acknowledged it lately and I praise God that He has made us people wanting to live for Him and not for this world. We want to be a part of all of your lives some how. We pray that He will show us how…..and where.
Blessings, some fresh ground coffee and a little bit of the Cranberries to all of ya’
OOPS! And some Fair Trade for Kristen and working people everywhere.
I was thinking about the Cairn event in Dallas with the Rudds and about being a practitioner and being “in the thick of things.” I realized that part of my frustration lately is that I haven’t felt much like a practitioner lately. We aren’t involved in any projects or groups and we really don’t get out much at all. But then I realized where Heather and I have come over the past four years and I look at what is on our hearts. The things we find important now and the things that bother us. Not wanting to settle for just existing ‘going’ to Church. Wanting to reach this Town, this State, this Nation, and this Changing world for Christ and Realizing that setting in our pews is not doing it. Truly on our hearts-wanting to serve Him completely. Actually thinking about uprooting our family and moving someplace we have never even been so that we can grow even closer to Him by becoming part of a community and learning how to live as disciples. Wanting to live our life differently than just following the way everyone is doing it here. We really feel alone here…..but despite this I have looked with the rising sun this morning on our family and have acknowledged that we are people of God-mistakes and all-and we are placing our lives down for HIM saying “we are here for you Jesus. Use us…Please!”
I have truly realized that the Spirit HAS been at work in us. I mean I knew this, but I have not acknowledged it lately and I praise God that He has made us people wanting to live for Him and not for this world. We want to be a part of all of your lives some how. We pray that He will show us how…..and where.
Blessings, some fresh ground coffee and a little bit of the Cranberries to all of ya’
OOPS! And some Fair Trade for Kristen and working people everywhere.
We got a call late last night that my mom’s uncle Don had passed. Mom took it pretty hard. Don and his wife were the witnesses at mine and Heather’s wedding. (my Grandpa Chadwick-Don’s brother-married us)
I remember growing up him always singing “there’s …a….wart on the frog in the whole in the log in the bottom of the see….” he took this song further than most I think.
Don was funny guy…………………..we’ll all miss his smart mouth….
I remember growing up him always singing “there’s …a….wart on the frog in the whole in the log in the bottom of the see….” he took this song further than most I think.
Don was funny guy…………………..we’ll all miss his smart mouth….
Friday, August 08, 2003
Have enjoyed some wine this evening and I am thinking about the next chapter in our lives and what God wants to be in it and what we want to be in it. Wanting them to be one in the same.
Thinking about all of you linked there to the right and what God has in store. Realizing it is not just by accident that I came across all of you. Wishing we were in England. Although relationships have been growing here over the summer.
Praying for all of you preparing for the WabiSabi gathering. Especially the Stuarts and all those involved with the Boaz project. Definitely a new chapter beginning. And also Jessica who has surely had quite an experience this summer on the Camino. Brad, that "crazy guy from california who is picking up and moving his life to austin." And the Rudds. Whose lives have been blessed by a new addition and who definitely are going to have to put up with us in October.
We hope God will bring us all together throughout our journey.
Thinking about all of you linked there to the right and what God has in store. Realizing it is not just by accident that I came across all of you. Wishing we were in England. Although relationships have been growing here over the summer.
Praying for all of you preparing for the WabiSabi gathering. Especially the Stuarts and all those involved with the Boaz project. Definitely a new chapter beginning. And also Jessica who has surely had quite an experience this summer on the Camino. Brad, that "crazy guy from california who is picking up and moving his life to austin." And the Rudds. Whose lives have been blessed by a new addition and who definitely are going to have to put up with us in October.
We hope God will bring us all together throughout our journey.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Monday, August 04, 2003
I hate it when I have a short fuse! I yelled at Mikah too much today. Poor guy. His dad feels like he's having a mid life crises at 25 and he probably feels like he got the brunt of it today.
A long time ago I convinced myself I would never be able to hack going to college. And now that I feel that is probably the route I am to take for my family it's hard convincing myself otherwise. On top of this I don't even know for sure what i should go in for. It will probably have something to do with computers and I will probably need to be able to start working after an associates degree.
I just feel like such a disappointment to Heather and the family. I know I'm not. It's really me who is disappointed in me. Heather and I made a decision about a year ago that she would work and I would stay home with the kids. It was great at first. I was real good with the kids. 100% of my attention was on them ya' know? We had even been thinking about home-schooling the kids. But a while back I started really needing a closer relationship with God. I started feeling and seeing the lack of 'Church' in our church. My mind has been going 100 miles an hour ever since. I need those relationships that we just don't have, but should have in the Church. We have found them more in all of you than we have been able to find here. Of course she works and the kids and I haven't really gotten out a whole lot. At least to socialize. On top of all this we have ended up back at my parents place about a month ago or so. I don't think I've actually blogged about that. I think I've been a little embarrassed by it.
So, I want to serve the church full time.(not as a profession mind you. As my life) I need to put food on the table and a roof over my families heads. I haven't been the Daddy or husband that I have been and want to be. And on top of it the humbling experience of moving back into my parents place. I feel like a jack ass. I'm 25.............(i throw up my hands)
In Heather's post she says, "look for the good in every situation". That would be the fact that we choose to be polished and not ground down by this period of time. We want to serve the Lord. We look to him and you the Church for guidance. We will persevere. And another good is that the Lord gives Heather the love to put up with my crap.
Please pray for us.
A long time ago I convinced myself I would never be able to hack going to college. And now that I feel that is probably the route I am to take for my family it's hard convincing myself otherwise. On top of this I don't even know for sure what i should go in for. It will probably have something to do with computers and I will probably need to be able to start working after an associates degree.
I just feel like such a disappointment to Heather and the family. I know I'm not. It's really me who is disappointed in me. Heather and I made a decision about a year ago that she would work and I would stay home with the kids. It was great at first. I was real good with the kids. 100% of my attention was on them ya' know? We had even been thinking about home-schooling the kids. But a while back I started really needing a closer relationship with God. I started feeling and seeing the lack of 'Church' in our church. My mind has been going 100 miles an hour ever since. I need those relationships that we just don't have, but should have in the Church. We have found them more in all of you than we have been able to find here. Of course she works and the kids and I haven't really gotten out a whole lot. At least to socialize. On top of all this we have ended up back at my parents place about a month ago or so. I don't think I've actually blogged about that. I think I've been a little embarrassed by it.
So, I want to serve the church full time.(not as a profession mind you. As my life) I need to put food on the table and a roof over my families heads. I haven't been the Daddy or husband that I have been and want to be. And on top of it the humbling experience of moving back into my parents place. I feel like a jack ass. I'm 25.............(i throw up my hands)
In Heather's post she says, "look for the good in every situation". That would be the fact that we choose to be polished and not ground down by this period of time. We want to serve the Lord. We look to him and you the Church for guidance. We will persevere. And another good is that the Lord gives Heather the love to put up with my crap.
Please pray for us.
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