makes me proud....

.....to be in the same Kingdom. This is a pic of my cousin Asa with one of the beautiful little children from the orphanage he is helping at in Bogata, Columbia. Check out some more picks here.

Truly a guy with the heart of Jesus for these little ones.

a gift

Since I didn't walk away from it with written notes, but only experience and some mental notes, go check out Jeremiah Smith's notes taken during Mayhem. Incredible! (thanks to Alan for the link)

Favorite quotes from Brian:

"I'd like to start a new movement called Fundamentalism. There are only two fundamentals. Love God and Love your neighbor." ----and---- "Success is trying to learn how to love people."

not alone indeed

It was so incredibly good to meet so many people this weekend. People I’ve been speaking to online for a while. People I didn’t know from a whole in the ground and people that I have only just heard about. It was amazing to me how many people showed up. Amazing! Their expectations went from like 180 people to 260 or something like that in just the last few dayz. Very cool that it was pointed out that almost everyone heard about it through word of mouth and word of blog. Very reassuring to me. Also reassuring that so many people from all over the country and Canada expressed that it was the ‘you are not alone’ theme that drew them there. That says so much. It also says a lot for the variety of backgrounds folks were coming from and all differences were set aside to put the Kingdom first.

It may seem mayhematic (don’t think that’s really a word, but I like it) from our point of view, but I think it is obvious that the Kingdom is at work. If nothing else, I walked away from this experience being reassured in the hope that lies in that.

I pray God works in the midst of the relationships that were begun and enriched this weekend.

from Mayhem to mayhem

Made it home safe from Cinci. I actually stopped off in Indy to check out a the hockey game with Heather and her mom and brother before finally arriving. Hockey fans enjoy the fights more than the game I think. Game was cool though. I think we’ll do that again.

I don’t know how to put too much into words about Mayhem. Brian said something like, and this isn’t an exact quote, “you are not a failure that is all alone. You are here with a whole bunch of failures.” I think that about says it.

Some concepts that were brought up that stick in my mind are being ‘post-protestant’. That is - Not being a protest against that which we view as being faults with other church groups. I interpreted that, for me, to be about focus on who I am and who we ARE and what we are about and for and not what we are against or what we think is better about how we do things, but instead focusing on our doing coming out of our being. I think it comes down to being a matter of the heart. The fact that I do things different and say things different and the way we do things looks different some are going to view what is being done as a protest. But that doesn’t matter what they think really. It’s a matter of my motives and where my heart lies. I think that has been an issue for me. I’ve worded some things in protest:ant fashion, but in my heart it’s just me asking questions and seeing where some change needs to be made. Me searching for what I am to do.

I have those around me who feel that it is all about protesting though. When I seem to get that so much I have begun to question myself. I know some would look at separating to plant a new church that is doing things differently as the same thing that has been going on for years in the Church. I disagree. First, I don’t look at it as separating. I didn’t think there were separate teams to leave and join. I thought we were all one. Second, I think we need to wake up! All of us. I think those in my church experience have never looked at ‘church’ as being the mission. Our lives as being the mission. We do the thing where we send money or some well-gifted person over seas to ‘do mission’, but to me that’s almost like watching James Bond to be a spy. I guess that’s not the best way of explaining that. Brian talked about going to Epcot Center to experience Norway. It looks cool. You think it feels like being in Norway, but you don’t get the frigidly cold temps and the 16 hours of darkness. You don’t get all the crap that comes along with actually living in Norway. I believe that’s the way I’ve done, or not done, Church my whole life. I’ve grown up in this Epcot version of community. We talk about being one and doing this project or service because it is ‘for the group’. Whatever. I’m sure a few of the ‘leaders’ have to deal with the crap in other peoples lives there, but the rest of us just don’t. We have this few minutes where there are prayer requests and we hear about what is hurting one of our brothers or sisters, but we don’t live life with them to know what really bothers them. We see them on Sunday in their best dressed and pretty smile and say hi and maybe even set and talk for 10 minutes during ‘fellowship’ time around the coffee urn. We never get to experience their crap. You never really get to smell mine. Ya’ know? We have Sunday school and/or bible study one night a week for maybe an hour, but it is generally all ‘directed’ conversation, so you don’t get to know anyone real well in that context. Where are we being discipled here? Are we really doing what we are supposed to be doing in this context? I don’t know. I’m not trying to be protest:ant here. Just thinking in text.

So what are the Miller’s going to do?

Brian also mentioned ‘self evangelism’. He spoke of a friend who when Brian asked if he saw himself as an evangelist the guy replied that he was indeed an evangelist. He had been trying to reach himself for Christ for some time he said. That kinda opened up a lot of thought for me. We talk about God blessing us and also us being a blessing. Our blessing to other’s coming out of the overflow of His blessing on us.

I am going to speak for me here. People scare me. When I started high school I used to hide in the bathroom or the library to avoid having to choose which table to set at during lunch. I was afraid of being rejected by what ever click happened to view that table as theirs. I went to lunch twice during my whole freshman and sophomore years. No joke! Staying in my recent church context is too safe for me. It is sterile to the point of being toxic to me. Does that make sense? It completely works against my being discipled. If I am not discipled and if I do not try and reach myself for Christ I WILL NOT be a blessing. The other thing is that I do not know how to be a blessing on my own. Nothing that is solely Scotty will be a blessing. I know that I need His Church. I need you and Him and You in Him and Him in You and me to grow. To be filled. To be filled to the point of overflowing. To be a blessing.

What are the Miller’s going to do? Daddy is going to stop focusing on problems with the church. He’s going to focus on what he and his family is as the Church. I am going to love my family better. Every day damn it. And I will not stop. Man my focus has been off for a while!!!! And (I was going to say ‘also‘, but loving myself and my family properly is not separate from this), so I just say And this includes pray for you. Praying for existing relationships and those that God will put in front of us. We need them. We do feel alone. Right now we feel alone while we are alone, but I think that is a lot better than being alone in the middle of a group that is supposed to be family. At least that makes sense.

Concepts that will not leave my head that were discussed are:

monastic-missional-catholic (small ‘c’, but including the larger ‘C‘)-community

We are not called to build churches

-called to love one another and God
-called to make disciples of ALL
-called to not forsake the gathering of ourselves together in Him

Wanting the map set out before me before I head out on the journey I want to know what that looks like. LOL :^) This weekend reassured me that what God is calling this little ragamuffin family into is much more than theory. It is messy. It is mayhem!

But off we go....

Mayhem

Getting ready to leave for Cincinnati. There's a good question over on Bill's blog -"What does one do to get ready for Mayhem?"

I may not be alone, but I'm comming by myself. Heather has decided to stay home due to the morning sickness and such. Please pray for her. Please pray I am able to fuction without her for a couple of days.

Peace to all and please pray we would have safe travel.

Just A Closer Walk With Thee

I just realized today that Heather and I havn't had a cigarette for over a year. Very kool!!

I've come here to post a couple of other times today, but I just didn't have anything I felt was worth putting down. (Not worth putting down? What does that mean anyway? How am I measuring that when I think it?) I have the itch to change the settings so only the next posts I right can be viewed. I feel like clearing all this out and starting with a clean slate. Whatever that means. I'm not sure if it's that I don't want you all to read previous posts or if it is that I don't feel I've said, in recent posts, what I wanted to say. I don't know.

I think the key phrase was, "starting with a clean slate". I so much want to be a blessing to people. I want to be a part of peoples lives. In close relationship with you. I don't know what I'm trying to say....

I've talked so much about wanting to be raised up as a leader in his ever-emerging Church and the past months have opened my eyes to how much molding needs to be done with this ugly piece of clay we call Scotty.

I want to be a part of...I am a part of you-His Church and I just have so many more questions than any thing else.

[I sigh while shaking my head]

I so easily look at you and have so much to say to try and lift you up. So much I can point at in your life and say that is good about you. I so much want to look at myself and say, “you’re a good, successful person.” [shake my head again] I stop and think again about what my ideas of success are. I realize I’m doing pretty damn good.

I recall that it is not my own glory that I look to achieve in life.

I guess I just get tired of feeling like I run in circles struggling with the little quirks that are me. As goes life I suppose....I stop and think that maybe it’s that I would like to walk a little closer to the Lord than I do. Pay a little more attention to Him. Talk to Him more. Ask Him what He’s up to. Ya’ know?

I am thankful for being able to go to Mayhem tomorrow in Cincinnati. It is good to know that we are not alone. We wouldn’t get very far if we were. I thank you all for lifting me up as you do. I wish I had every one of you a little closer to me. Geographically I mean. You come a little closer relationally as time passes and we keep walking with each other. This is just what I want with our Abba. He does so much for me and is always right here and I take such little time paying attention to Him. I feel I barely know Him. I hope I begin to walk with Him a little closer, but I pray I always realize I can know Him better. I pray I always desire to walk a little closer.

(I think I will change the settings. It’s my blog ya’ know. Click on the archives if you wish to read something that was here. I decided I wanted to change it for me. ‘Cause I can. :^)

The Pursuit

“In the warm language of personal feeling this is stated in the Forty-second Psalm: ‘As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?’ This is deep calling unto deep, and the longing heart will understand it.”

“If we would find God amid all the religious externals we must first determine to find Him, and then proceed in the way of simplicity. Now as always God discovers Himself to ‘babes’ and hides Himself in thick darkness from the wise and the prudent. We must simplify our approach to Him. We must strip down to essentials (and they will be found to be blessedly few). We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond.”

“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

-A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

I’ve come to realize that I have not been letting the Lord be the ruler over my heart and life. When I came to the realization that the world could not provide for me what I needed I began to be crippled by fear. I, a child of God, had been trusting in myself and in the things of this world to provide for us. I had put in the ‘temple’ of my heart things other that God.

My God shall be the Lord of my life! All else shall GO! I shall love all, but none outside of my love for my Father and His love for me.

I pray along with Tozer, “Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all Those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

I press on in pursuit of my God and realize that knowing him will only come through an intentional-intimate-life-long relationship that was and is initiated by Him.

together

Everyone, please go read the first January 6th post here.

I have tried and tried to say this myself many times, but could not find the words.

Thanks Riley

Guess What!

First off I want to apologize for my last few posts. I suppose I needed to vent. I let my fear almost get the better of me. Being broken does make me focus my attention more on my relationship with God though. And like Heather says, sometime I just need smacked around. :>)

Anyhoo, I got a job!!! Yea! Starting out it doesn’t pay the best, but it will put food on the table and pay the bills. I feel sooooo blessed by it though! GOD is good! Thank you for your prayers! I drove 35 miles this evening to Lafayette for the interview in some not-so-good weather. I drove home with the biggest smile on my face. Every few minutes I would yell, YEA!!! The cherries on the top of it are that I still get to go to Cinci this weekend and to the Indianapolis Ice game Saturday night with Heather and her mom and brother. Plus if and when we move to Indy this job will transfer. YEA!! I’m so excited. I’m also going to go Wednesday to a Starbucks open house in West Lafayette. They are hiring for a new store opening. I’ve never worked a service position before, but I have always wanted to work at a coffee shop so that would be really cool. Plus Startbucks would give us the insurance we need and would surely be transferable to Indy too.

I’ll be working for RGIS doing inventory. A bit of traveling, but that’s cool by me. They are really flexible with the schedule too. So if I got a part time job with StarBucks I could still work there and fill in the gaps. Either way...I GOT A JOB!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!

Thank you all sooo much for your continued prayers for us. We love ya all. A whole bunch!

And please forgive me for my lack of faith at times. I know how much I am unable to do and that He can, but sometimes I just can’t get my head off of what I can’t do. Forget to hurry up and give it to Him before I get all beaten down by it.

Peace and Love to you all.

WOOOHOOO!!! (doin’ a little dance)

Moving forward

Forget the last two posts! I'm moving forward!

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had ever happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given.

But please, may we all still pray for eachother. I'm thankful we don't journey alone! :^)

PS

I realize the past has been placed behind us and we are moving forward. This family will always get up and move forward!!

It’s just been a while since I’ve worked and we’ve been struggling for a bit with the money and job thing. Heather and I know that she is probably going to end up being the primary bread winner in the family, but we can not pay for her classes until I get a job. And then you figure in the felt need (don’t get stuck on the word ‘felt‘. It‘s just the one I chose to use) to move away from here to Indianapolis and it just seems so out of reach.

Some can’t understand why we are still thinking of moving away with the baby coming and all, but it is on us to be a part of some folks’ lives that do not live here. We desire to step out of the ‘tradition’ I’ve grown up in and be a part of what he is doing in Indianapolis and beyond. We can not be just the Miller’s. We must be an active part of the Church’s lives. This is more important to us than anything. It is not separate from taking care of our family. It is the best thing we can do for them, to try and follow Him.

And another thing-If it is to be that we do not move from this town we WILL be doing a LOT of traveling. A LOT!

I thank I might be Crazy!

“I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13

“For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you.” 2 Cor. 5:13

I must admit to all who know me, including God, that I am scared.

For whatever reasons we can barely remember we moved into my parents place. We have been here for a bit. Even staying here we’ve struggled financially. We have to admit that having this safe haven to stay has caused us not to step out as we should as people of faith and as parents. (not that the 2 of those should be viewed separately) We no longer feel that we have the choice but to step out on our own.

Heather and I had Mikah pretty young. I was 21 she was 17. (some of you probably didn’t know that I’m sure) We were both pretty into drugs when we found out she was pregnant. Literally a sobering experience for us both! After Mikah was born we lived together in Indianapolis before we were married and became pregnant with Kiara. A while after we found out we realized we needed to move back home. Humbling. We were married in July of 2002. Kiara was about 9 months old.

Mikah is now 4 and Kiara is 2. I am thankful for this time that I have been able to ‘awaken’, as it were, from my few years of drug use. I stopped growing up the moment I started using I think. It’s been good to have the safety of our folks’ homes to raise our kids for the first few years of their lives. I truly believe we needed it, but I believe we are beginning to stay past the time necessary and it is becoming no good.

I am in a really scary place that many have been before. Getting ready to step out into the great big world not knowing what lurks around the corner for us. I broke down last night talking with Heather. I admitted for the first time that I just do not know how to care for my family. We have another child on the way and I do not know how to provide for the ones I’ve got. I have not been trained to do anything to get a well paying job. With Heather being pregnant I am the only one who is going to have a job. “How will we make it?” I cried. “I just do not no [what] to do or [how] to do it. I don’t know how to be to take care of all of you.”

From Sweet’s Jesus Drives Me Crazy!:

The apostle Paul, while in prison awaiting death, said he learned the ‘secret’ of smashed rainbows. What’s the secret--the secret of ‘being content’ in any and every situation, the secret wherewithal to endure all smashed rainbows?

Paul’s secret is this: ‘I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.’ -Phil 4:13

The secret is the three-letter word all. A secret so simple, yet so complex, so mysterious. ‘For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible.’ If you are Christ’s, ‘all things are yours.’ God wants to do in your life ‘above all that we ask or think,’ and God will supply ‘all your need.’

Because of the all word, God adds an apostrophe and an opening to that word impossible: ‘I’m possible.’ When the rainbow is most smashed is when God is at work I you and perfecting the divine in you.”

“This three-letter word transforms whatever your manse into mansion, whatever your Sheol into Shiloh. Because of this word, we can praise God for every side of life-for friends, lovers, art, literature, knowledge, humor, politics-and the little red cloud away there in the West.

But all the all promises cling like Krazy Glue to this one verse: Is Christ your ‘all and in all’? When Paul talks about God being ‘all in all,’ he recognizes that God is already ‘all.’ It is our ministry to put God ‘in all’ so that ‘all things are subject to him’ and he will be ‘ all in all.’ Is it your prayer ‘that God may be all in all’?”

“All reminds us that God likes to appear in strange and unlikely places. All tips God’s hand to the divine penchant for working in our lives and world in ways beyond our comprehension. Like Jacob’s dream ladder, where angels were ascending and descending and God was speaking -‘Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever you go’-we too awake from sleep and say like Jacob, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place-and I did not know it!’

You know how much you love and care for your kids. You want to give them everything that is good for them. Do you think God would treat you, a child of his, worse than you, a parent, would treat your own children?

God’s possibilities are endless. NUTS disciples dream big. Little dreams have no magic. The crisis of faith today has more to do with imagination that with intellect. The Greek myth of Prometheus had humans stealing fire from the gods and being punished for it. In the Christian tradition, God gave humans the fire and rewards humanity for exercising its call to dream-to be creative and continue his creativity by dreaming his dream for the world.

Jesus calls us to refuse to accept life on the terms offered us by smashed rainbows. We are not called to make our own terms in life. We are called to make God’s terms with life.” pgs. 127-130

I don’t know how to care for my family as I should, but He does. I pray He helps me with my faith.

I pray that He will give me the faith to step aside and that I can give him my all. To give him my family. My self. My need for a job. My breakfast. I give Him our dreams. I pray they are His. I pray that I can be a creative expression of Him, here and now. I pray that I may love. I pray for relationships. I pray for you and you living out His dream.

We have been given each other and I know that I need you.

May I live with a little more imagination and more through Him every day

I pray because ALL my hope is in Him! I can do nothing without Him!

Warrior Swanz and Spirit Candy

No. It's not a new musical. We have been given the gifts of two new blogs by two of my favorite bloggers for the new year.

Brad has blessed us with WarriorSwanz. He says, ""WarriorSwanz" is based on a story from The Silmarillion. It honors the mythological memory of these swans who served, explores the courage of journeying Elves and others, and mines as opals some truths behind Tolkien's mythos. (Be sure to read the archived first entry in December 2003!)"

We have been blessed by Andrew with OurDailyBlog.com. He calls it "Spirit Candy for New Media Pilgrims". It is a daily devotional site using "Imitation Of Christ" by Thomas a' Kempis.

Go check 'em out!