(just holding myself accountable here)
I just realized I didn't do the beta-test-thing for brad that I promised.
This brain of mine. I think I will take a bit of tomorrow to do those profiles for ya', Sir Brad.
update: I just sent them out @ 3:45pm-Sunday. Now I must get ready for work.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Words Without Borders
I just discovered Words Without Borders... and lovin' it.
Why Words Without Borders?
Along with the myriad ancient virtues of storytelling--giving pleasure, passing time, stimulating thought, connecting strangers--literature is a passport to places both real and imagined. In an increasingly interdependent world, rife with ignorance and incomprehension of other cultures, literature in translation has an especially important role.
Few literatures have truly prospered in isolation from the world. English-speaking culture in general and American culture in particular has long benefited from cross-pollination with other worlds and languages. Thus it is an especially dangerous imbalance when, today, 50% of all the books in translation now published worldwide are translated *from English,* but only 6% are translated *into* English.
Words Without Borders undertakes to promote international communication through translation of the world's best writing--selected and translated by a distinguished group of writers, translators, and publishing professionals--and publishing and promoting these works (or excerpts) on the web. We also serve as an advocacy organization for literature in translation, producing events that feature the work of foreign writers and connecting these writers to universities and to print and broadcast media.
Our ultimate aim is to introduce exciting international writing to the general public--travelers, teachers, students, publishers, and a new generation of eclectic readers--by presenting international literature not as a static, elite phenomenon, but a portal through which to explore the world. In the richness of cultural information we present, we hope to help foster a "globalization" of cultural engagement and exchange, one that allows many voices in many languages to prosper.
yea!!
September?! I Can't believe I missed this.
Impoverished coffee farmers around the world won a victory when Procter & Gamble, the largest seller of coffee in the United States, announced on September 15 that it would begin offering Fair Trade Certified coffee though its specialty coffee division, Millstone.
Procter & Gamble's agreement to sell Fair Trade coffee came in response to a grassroots campaign by Global Exchange, Oxfam America, Co-op America, the Interfaith Fair Trade Initiative, and socially responsible shareholders calling on the corporation to assist the millions of coffee farmers hammered by the collapse of coffee prices. For the last year and a half, thousands of people across the U.S. have sent letters, faxes and emails to Procter & Gamble demanding that it offer Fair Trade coffee. Now, thanks to the efforts of people of conscience around the country, more farmers than ever before will be guaranteed a living wage for their harvests.
Friday, February 13, 2004
the passion
Typing this off-line.
It’s 8:31am. I just clicked to a local news channel when they were flashing some miscellaneous flicks from The Passion of Christ by Mel Gibson. I only saw maybe four shots, but there was just one, that was up for maybe a second, that caused the tears to start. It caused this lump to swell up inside until it burst out. I broke. Crying like a baby who just saw his father hurting and dying and didn’t understand why.
The quick shot was of Jesus’ hand. The nail was brought to it and you could see the flesh be pulled. It was only on the screen for a second or two.
I can’t say that I have totally ever grasped why Christ had to die, but I have committed myself to following after this man. After God.
I have felt like I’ve been in this spiritual slump for some time now. Often feels as though it is pushing me towards the beginnings of depression. It frequently makes me feel as though I am completely lost about what it is to be a Christian.
I know it’s not really a slump at all. It is Him drawing me out of the one I didn’t even realize I had been in. It is me realizing that life with Christ isn’t pretty like the Christian book stores and most of the churches I’ve been in. It sucks. It’s hard. It’s dangerous when actually lived out. It can be as painful as watching those nails go in or as feeling them.
You know we only do it for love.
My friend Mark Thames says it like this, “The more we get to look like Jesus, the more we look less and less like each other and more and more like ourselves.”
It’s a lonely feeling when you realize that you’ve been a fraud. Living this pretty little life claiming to be a Christian. Realizing you’ve been modeling yourself off of the wrong image or images. It’s Christ. The life. The blood. The infinitely-unselfish-all-inclusive heart and lifestyle of God who sacrifices all for me that I recommit myself to following.
I pray I am able to continue to see the passion of Christ through my mixed tears of anger, hurt and frustration for knowing I cannot ever repay Him for taking my place. All I have is me.....
John 15:12-13 - "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
It’s 8:31am. I just clicked to a local news channel when they were flashing some miscellaneous flicks from The Passion of Christ by Mel Gibson. I only saw maybe four shots, but there was just one, that was up for maybe a second, that caused the tears to start. It caused this lump to swell up inside until it burst out. I broke. Crying like a baby who just saw his father hurting and dying and didn’t understand why.
The quick shot was of Jesus’ hand. The nail was brought to it and you could see the flesh be pulled. It was only on the screen for a second or two.
I can’t say that I have totally ever grasped why Christ had to die, but I have committed myself to following after this man. After God.
I have felt like I’ve been in this spiritual slump for some time now. Often feels as though it is pushing me towards the beginnings of depression. It frequently makes me feel as though I am completely lost about what it is to be a Christian.
I know it’s not really a slump at all. It is Him drawing me out of the one I didn’t even realize I had been in. It is me realizing that life with Christ isn’t pretty like the Christian book stores and most of the churches I’ve been in. It sucks. It’s hard. It’s dangerous when actually lived out. It can be as painful as watching those nails go in or as feeling them.
You know we only do it for love.
My friend Mark Thames says it like this, “The more we get to look like Jesus, the more we look less and less like each other and more and more like ourselves.”
It’s a lonely feeling when you realize that you’ve been a fraud. Living this pretty little life claiming to be a Christian. Realizing you’ve been modeling yourself off of the wrong image or images. It’s Christ. The life. The blood. The infinitely-unselfish-all-inclusive heart and lifestyle of God who sacrifices all for me that I recommit myself to following.
I pray I am able to continue to see the passion of Christ through my mixed tears of anger, hurt and frustration for knowing I cannot ever repay Him for taking my place. All I have is me.....
John 15:12-13 - "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
First Fervor
Reading In the Spirit of Happiness this morning in the tub the monks seemed to be speaking to me.
In the second chapter of the book called “First Fervor” the monks speak of the beginning of their spiritual journey and prayer life and compare it to the ‘honeymoon’ stage of falling in love.
I was so excited about this new WAY OF LIFE. I was making a conscious decision to step out of a way of life that was not much of a life style at all and into something more real. Something fuller.
The thing is I have not done it yet. We haven’t.
At least that is what I thought.
I think what has happened and is happening is that, and you have read my recent frustrations that past few months, the high has gone. It is becoming a reality that we have not arrived and that this way of life is just that. Real life on the way. It sucks sometimes. Like marriage, life with Christ isn’t this ever-blissful journey like an infinite honeymoon. It takes work.
People are rude. Personalities clash. I can really be an ass. But we love merely to love. This is wisdom gained. There is true happiness found in that. When I love for personal gain it is not love and happiness fades when I do not get what I was striving for.
We will love God for God’s sake. No other.
As I am called closer and closer to Him it becomes a realization that the greatest walls between us are the illusions that when I don’t feel Him and life is just not all to wonderful that He is not there. Further growth makes it more and more clear that Christ is always here. No matter what I am feeling or not feeling He is there. Always present. Always a present.
In the second chapter of the book called “First Fervor” the monks speak of the beginning of their spiritual journey and prayer life and compare it to the ‘honeymoon’ stage of falling in love.
“A guest at the monastery was speaking with one of the novices one day, describing his recent conversion to Orthodoxy. ‘It’s been such a blessing, you just can’t imagine! I feel such support from the people in the parish-totally different from where I formerly went to church. And the services, well, they’ve made such a difference in my prayer life! For the first time in so long, God feels very, very close.’Most of you have been on this journey for sometime and I know I do not need to point out to those who have been coming here for a while that for a long period I was on that high. Having discovered that there were new/old, more authentic ways of expressing myself as part of the Church. New/old ways of living life with Him. All the talk about meal sharing, community, and living life together etc. etc..
The novice listened politely , having a good sense to recognize that the individual was on a religious “high,” and not wanting to belittle that. He had experienced something similar himself, and he understood that in the context of conversion this is something all of us go through. Yet it illustrates perfectly the dynamic involved whenever we make a serious change for the better. Our emotional reaction is profound and often exaggerated, and we naturally overflow with unbridled gratitude. For a time, we live with a palpable sense of God’s presence, as a pungent and pervasive as the finest incense. We fall in love with God, for a while, everything is wonderful.
So this is a legitimate, powerful, inner awakening that always happens at the time of conversion. The temptation here, however, is to think that we have arrived when actually we are just beginning. Even in a monastery, novices will encounter this to one degree or another as they begin their new life dedicated to God. It takes a lot of hard work to attain a broader perspective.”
I was so excited about this new WAY OF LIFE. I was making a conscious decision to step out of a way of life that was not much of a life style at all and into something more real. Something fuller.
The thing is I have not done it yet. We haven’t.
At least that is what I thought.
I think what has happened and is happening is that, and you have read my recent frustrations that past few months, the high has gone. It is becoming a reality that we have not arrived and that this way of life is just that. Real life on the way. It sucks sometimes. Like marriage, life with Christ isn’t this ever-blissful journey like an infinite honeymoon. It takes work.
“The rewards of heaven, and what - ultimately - we shall get from our labors, these monastic tradition leaves to God. It knows that whether we are monks or not, each of us is called to happiness - true happiness - the sort of happiness that stands up to the tempestuous nature of everyday life. This kind of happiness comes only through the integrity and maturity that result from sustained spiritual effort, and not from more transitory pleasures that may come to us in the course of our lives. And though the particular spiritual path each of us follows will vary according to the context in which we live, nevertheless, they are all pointed in the same direction.”I don’t think I need to say that the glitter is gone from what was once the fresh face of the ‘emerging church’ and what is left is everyday life. Sometimes alone, sometimes with you, sometimes cool and exciting, but mostly mundane, but by choice always lived with Him.
People are rude. Personalities clash. I can really be an ass. But we love merely to love. This is wisdom gained. There is true happiness found in that. When I love for personal gain it is not love and happiness fades when I do not get what I was striving for.
We will love God for God’s sake. No other.
As I am called closer and closer to Him it becomes a realization that the greatest walls between us are the illusions that when I don’t feel Him and life is just not all to wonderful that He is not there. Further growth makes it more and more clear that Christ is always here. No matter what I am feeling or not feeling He is there. Always present. Always a present.
Not that I claim to have reached....perfection already. But I keep going on....I do not consider myself to have grasped it full even now. But I do concentrate on this: I forget all that lies behind me and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, I go straight for the goal - my reward the honor of my high calling by God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14)I like the Message translation:
I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me.peace
Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus.
I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.
Mikah again
The two kids were in their bedroom last night and Sissy just started going on about something. She was really miffed.
I asked Mikah what she was crying about and he said with his hands in the air, “I don’t know what she is talking about. Is that English or is that Spanish she’s talkin’?” :>)
I asked Mikah what she was crying about and he said with his hands in the air, “I don’t know what she is talking about. Is that English or is that Spanish she’s talkin’?” :>)
Monday, February 09, 2004
Mikah's ordinary construction
Mikah was building a little fort in the living room last night that he called "The Castle of Ordinary.” LOL
still 'building' the foundation
I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been working a lot lately, but also because I don’t seem to think I have much to say.
I made that commitment to make five posts about relationships, but have realized again that I don’t have many locally. Also, do I think that because we don’t do a lot of cool and exciting things that there isn’t much to blog about? I realize that I need to get out of my shell and engage the communities around me, but it bothers me that somewhere in my head I seem to think that ya’ll don’t want to here about my ’boring’ life.
I have realized that I have been too ’protestant’ and done more complaining about problems with this way and that way of doing things and I have not done much in the way of getting to know Christ better and getting to know you better.
(I am reminded of Brad’s question- “what does it mean and what might it look like to be a holistic, 24-7 disciple?”)
I pray that when we get to Indy God will place those people in front of us that need us to be living out our faith with them and for them. There is so much need there. I am sure He has a place for us. I pray that there will be those who push us and encourage us into growth by there lives.
I pray that I continue this current and emerging-focus stirred within to search Him out instead of searching out ‘new models’. I pray whatever you see me and the people around me doing it is all centered around our desire for Him and for loving those around us rather than being ‘pomo-cool’. Construction that is began with the foundation built on the Rock rather than deconstruction founded in….anything else.
Peace
(Ps- I am already tired of the current header and color scheme. It seems very crisp and clean looking to me, but maybe it is a little too much so for me. It will be changing again.)
I made that commitment to make five posts about relationships, but have realized again that I don’t have many locally. Also, do I think that because we don’t do a lot of cool and exciting things that there isn’t much to blog about? I realize that I need to get out of my shell and engage the communities around me, but it bothers me that somewhere in my head I seem to think that ya’ll don’t want to here about my ’boring’ life.
I have realized that I have been too ’protestant’ and done more complaining about problems with this way and that way of doing things and I have not done much in the way of getting to know Christ better and getting to know you better.
(I am reminded of Brad’s question- “what does it mean and what might it look like to be a holistic, 24-7 disciple?”)
I pray that when we get to Indy God will place those people in front of us that need us to be living out our faith with them and for them. There is so much need there. I am sure He has a place for us. I pray that there will be those who push us and encourage us into growth by there lives.
I pray that I continue this current and emerging-focus stirred within to search Him out instead of searching out ‘new models’. I pray whatever you see me and the people around me doing it is all centered around our desire for Him and for loving those around us rather than being ‘pomo-cool’. Construction that is began with the foundation built on the Rock rather than deconstruction founded in….anything else.
Peace
(Ps- I am already tired of the current header and color scheme. It seems very crisp and clean looking to me, but maybe it is a little too much so for me. It will be changing again.)
Friday, February 06, 2004
Indy
Moving to Indy is coming more and more into reality.
Looks as though we are going to be able to pay off all our hospital bills and still move to Indy very soon.
I am so excited and yet nervous about getting started down there. There are some folks I have been talking to, primarily online, that I am looking forward to journeying with for a while. I've met Riley and Bill, but only for a short time. I'm sure in no-time we will be getting on each others nerves. (an inevitable part of the journey)
Notice how I jumped right from being excited about chillen out with them to thinking about how I will probably get on their nerves. I do this. "What if this? What if that?" I am so tired of that part of me. I just want to start loving folks. Truly loving them. Which means being vulnerable and putting myself out there. I shouldn't worry so much about a person's rejection of me.
Looks as though we are going to be able to pay off all our hospital bills and still move to Indy very soon.
I am so excited and yet nervous about getting started down there. There are some folks I have been talking to, primarily online, that I am looking forward to journeying with for a while. I've met Riley and Bill, but only for a short time. I'm sure in no-time we will be getting on each others nerves. (an inevitable part of the journey)
Notice how I jumped right from being excited about chillen out with them to thinking about how I will probably get on their nerves. I do this. "What if this? What if that?" I am so tired of that part of me. I just want to start loving folks. Truly loving them. Which means being vulnerable and putting myself out there. I shouldn't worry so much about a person's rejection of me.
family
It was so cute. I walked in the door of the house the other day after work and Heather was sitting in the recliner with the two kids facing her in their little chairs while she read them a story. The three most beautiful faces all look up at me in unison to say , “hi, daddy!”.
BEAUTIFUL!
Latter, Mikah had made a puppet and was in position behind a blanket covered laundry basket to give me a puppet-show , but he got too embarrassed and just stayed hid behind the basket. Reminds me of his daddy. I’m always hesitant at meeting people for the first time, getting up in front of people and even just starting conversations.
Mikah and Kiara’s fresh paintings are hanging all over the kitchen.
Heather’s been having a lot of needed fun the past few days.
BEAUTIFUL!
Latter, Mikah had made a puppet and was in position behind a blanket covered laundry basket to give me a puppet-show , but he got too embarrassed and just stayed hid behind the basket. Reminds me of his daddy. I’m always hesitant at meeting people for the first time, getting up in front of people and even just starting conversations.
Mikah and Kiara’s fresh paintings are hanging all over the kitchen.
Heather’s been having a lot of needed fun the past few days.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
peaceful and uneventful couple of days off
The Miller’s have spent the past couple of days just chillen out with each other doing nothing.
We all did go to the library today though. The kids love it. I don’t ever remember getting so excited by the library when I was a kid that I did not want to leave. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays they have a story and craft time for kids around Mikah’s age. He thinks it is “totally cool“.
Kiara shares so well with the other little ones. I realize how well she is speaking for her age. She is saying Mikah now. Until a couple of weeks ago she would only call him Buddy. (which we all found very cute of course)
Mikah is four and he is so intent on learning how to spell and read. You can really see his frustration when he wishes he could read a certain book.
Heather grabbed some books on home schooling. Something we feel lead to do, but not totally equipped for. (has or is anyone else doing this? Any good resources you suggest?)
I picked up The Monks of New Skete - In the Spirit of Happiness. Meant to pick up a couple of National Geographics. Must of slipped my mind at the time.
Things I noticed:
-I was the only father
-We were the only couple
-Our kids were very well behaved
-I don’t look forward to Kiara being 3
-My wife is soooo cool
Additional side notes-
*chai tea is so yummy!
*a church in a neighboring town is going to have a labyrinth set up throughout lent with. Looking forward to getting to experience that for the first time.
We all did go to the library today though. The kids love it. I don’t ever remember getting so excited by the library when I was a kid that I did not want to leave. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays they have a story and craft time for kids around Mikah’s age. He thinks it is “totally cool“.
Kiara shares so well with the other little ones. I realize how well she is speaking for her age. She is saying Mikah now. Until a couple of weeks ago she would only call him Buddy. (which we all found very cute of course)
Mikah is four and he is so intent on learning how to spell and read. You can really see his frustration when he wishes he could read a certain book.
Heather grabbed some books on home schooling. Something we feel lead to do, but not totally equipped for. (has or is anyone else doing this? Any good resources you suggest?)
I picked up The Monks of New Skete - In the Spirit of Happiness. Meant to pick up a couple of National Geographics. Must of slipped my mind at the time.
Things I noticed:
-I was the only father
-We were the only couple
-Our kids were very well behaved
-I don’t look forward to Kiara being 3
-My wife is soooo cool
Additional side notes-
*chai tea is so yummy!
*a church in a neighboring town is going to have a labyrinth set up throughout lent with. Looking forward to getting to experience that for the first time.
Sunday, February 01, 2004
the red pill and choice
While I see that I have made some mistakes and putting the title ‘emerging’ or any title for that matter on what is going on has misdirected me, there is a movement of His people towards closer and more authentic fellowship with Him and with each other. I don’t have to leave this little town to know that.
Christ IS alive and moving in His people! My life is shaken and broken as a result.
Fellowship. 24/7 organic discipleship. Meal sharing. Authentic community. Story telling. Life sharing. Love-house-to-house. These are not idealistic thoughts. These are realistic. These are things I desire for my life. These are terms which represent a way of living in Him that is more real than what I have had. These are a part of a lifestyle which I feel called into when I am called in closer to Him. These require complete submission to Him and complete change on my part. They require more of me than I have ever had to give. These are things I desire from living as the Church. These require me to do what I do here in this blog in the flesh. Doing these things scares me. What if this? What if that?
If I were to continue chasing after the ‘emerging’ church I would still be searching when I was in the middle of authentic community. There is no ideal. There is the Church. We can either fake it and pretend that we are the ideal or we can be honest and live in the real. I choose the red pill.
Taking the red pill requires me to be honest about what I do not know. Requires me to start unlearning some old things and learning some new. It requires me to look at who I really am in Him and break the illusion of who I thought I was.
My name is Scotty Miller. Christ loves me. I have the honor of living this life. I am choosing to live it with Him and with you. I choose that I am.
I am committing my next five posts to be about the Church. Not the ‘church’. I will only post about actual relationships. Actual people. My kids. My wife. You. Him.
Christ IS alive and moving in His people! My life is shaken and broken as a result.
Fellowship. 24/7 organic discipleship. Meal sharing. Authentic community. Story telling. Life sharing. Love-house-to-house. These are not idealistic thoughts. These are realistic. These are things I desire for my life. These are terms which represent a way of living in Him that is more real than what I have had. These are a part of a lifestyle which I feel called into when I am called in closer to Him. These require complete submission to Him and complete change on my part. They require more of me than I have ever had to give. These are things I desire from living as the Church. These require me to do what I do here in this blog in the flesh. Doing these things scares me. What if this? What if that?
If I were to continue chasing after the ‘emerging’ church I would still be searching when I was in the middle of authentic community. There is no ideal. There is the Church. We can either fake it and pretend that we are the ideal or we can be honest and live in the real. I choose the red pill.
Taking the red pill requires me to be honest about what I do not know. Requires me to start unlearning some old things and learning some new. It requires me to look at who I really am in Him and break the illusion of who I thought I was.
My name is Scotty Miller. Christ loves me. I have the honor of living this life. I am choosing to live it with Him and with you. I choose that I am.
I am committing my next five posts to be about the Church. Not the ‘church’. I will only post about actual relationships. Actual people. My kids. My wife. You. Him.
Why I’m making the transition from going to ‘church’ to ‘being’ Church so difficult.
At the center is exalting God. Consciously putting Him first and Lord of My life.
God is “not a God of confusion but of peace.” (1 Cor. 14:33) If this be so then the struggle be of my own making. The sin in my life confusing and confounding me.
The term ‘emerging’ has been used too much as a noun when it was and is meant as an adjective. I have been pursuing the noun while desiring to emerge-verb. My intentions were right, but my attention was focused wrongly.
I am a consumer. My 25 years of only ATTENDING church fed that. So, when I read about what so and so is doing over here, and they are ’emerging’, I buy in to it. There is no question that God is doing something. Something is emerging from the ashes of modernism. The problem is that what group A is doing is ‘emerging‘. I buy that. What group B is doing is ’emerging’. I buy that. What person X is doing, and they are clearly a maturing disciple, is ’emerging’. I buy that.
Now, I’ve bought all this. (please don’t get stuck on the term I use) The problem is that A, B and X are all good. They are all right. None perfect, but they are better than the last thing I bought. They don’t fit together though. A is not B is not X. They are all part of the ALPHAbet though. The Kingdom. At least part of it.
As a consumer this sucks. I can’t actually buy it. I can’t take it home. I can’t land on it. I can’t build anything on it. It’s not a solid and tangible thing to pick up. I can’t sit in front of it and watch it.
I am not A or B or X. Not sure which I am. But what A, B and X do that my only attending church didn’t, even though I have not yet met A, B or X, is require action on my part.
To ’be’ an active-growing part of this organic ALPHAbet soup, the Kingdom, I have to begin to ’emerge’ myself.
I have separated myself from the local church group that I grew up with. I agree with Banks that “According to Paul’s understanding Christian life centers primarily around fellowship, expressed in word and deed, of the members with God and one another.” My attending a service and a Sunday school class/Bible study did not provoke or inspire me to change. To grow. I do not engage people! I am a hermit! My frustrations stem from my own sin and from lack of fellowship within the church of my experience. (fellowship I believe, when God centered, is the vehicle for discipleship and edification of one another. It is where the rubber meets the rode in our calling to love.)
Yes, I don’t learn best in a classroom setting. Yes, hour long sermons every Sunday suck. Yes, the coffee sucks. Yes, everyone at that particular church does not ‘get’ me. Yes, there really isn’t anyone close to my own age. Yes, they all seem content with what is there being all that church is. Yes, it does seem toxic to me. But, did I ever invite anyone out for coffee? Did I so quickly leave in my frustration that I did not allow the stirring, the Christ in me, to be a catalyst for something more? Yes, I want to be a part of something more. I want and need it. I need you across the kitchen table from me. I need us living life together not attending events together. We talk so much about being both/and. Am I, out of my own ideas of community making it either/or while I rant about it being both/and?
Right now we don’t have our own home to invite folks to. We live in a town where it is limited on where to go out and socialize. I am in an obvious growth process right now. In this town, in this setting, with these people…..my head finds it hard to change and be the new and emerging me here. I find it hard to do new things in the little town where I have for all my life not done them. I never understood why people had to go to some other far away place to start over. I do now.
God is “not a God of confusion but of peace.” (1 Cor. 14:33) If this be so then the struggle be of my own making. The sin in my life confusing and confounding me.
The term ‘emerging’ has been used too much as a noun when it was and is meant as an adjective. I have been pursuing the noun while desiring to emerge-verb. My intentions were right, but my attention was focused wrongly.
I am a consumer. My 25 years of only ATTENDING church fed that. So, when I read about what so and so is doing over here, and they are ’emerging’, I buy in to it. There is no question that God is doing something. Something is emerging from the ashes of modernism. The problem is that what group A is doing is ‘emerging‘. I buy that. What group B is doing is ’emerging’. I buy that. What person X is doing, and they are clearly a maturing disciple, is ’emerging’. I buy that.
Now, I’ve bought all this. (please don’t get stuck on the term I use) The problem is that A, B and X are all good. They are all right. None perfect, but they are better than the last thing I bought. They don’t fit together though. A is not B is not X. They are all part of the ALPHAbet though. The Kingdom. At least part of it.
As a consumer this sucks. I can’t actually buy it. I can’t take it home. I can’t land on it. I can’t build anything on it. It’s not a solid and tangible thing to pick up. I can’t sit in front of it and watch it.
I am not A or B or X. Not sure which I am. But what A, B and X do that my only attending church didn’t, even though I have not yet met A, B or X, is require action on my part.
To ’be’ an active-growing part of this organic ALPHAbet soup, the Kingdom, I have to begin to ’emerge’ myself.
I have separated myself from the local church group that I grew up with. I agree with Banks that “According to Paul’s understanding Christian life centers primarily around fellowship, expressed in word and deed, of the members with God and one another.” My attending a service and a Sunday school class/Bible study did not provoke or inspire me to change. To grow. I do not engage people! I am a hermit! My frustrations stem from my own sin and from lack of fellowship within the church of my experience. (fellowship I believe, when God centered, is the vehicle for discipleship and edification of one another. It is where the rubber meets the rode in our calling to love.)
Yes, I don’t learn best in a classroom setting. Yes, hour long sermons every Sunday suck. Yes, the coffee sucks. Yes, everyone at that particular church does not ‘get’ me. Yes, there really isn’t anyone close to my own age. Yes, they all seem content with what is there being all that church is. Yes, it does seem toxic to me. But, did I ever invite anyone out for coffee? Did I so quickly leave in my frustration that I did not allow the stirring, the Christ in me, to be a catalyst for something more? Yes, I want to be a part of something more. I want and need it. I need you across the kitchen table from me. I need us living life together not attending events together. We talk so much about being both/and. Am I, out of my own ideas of community making it either/or while I rant about it being both/and?
Right now we don’t have our own home to invite folks to. We live in a town where it is limited on where to go out and socialize. I am in an obvious growth process right now. In this town, in this setting, with these people…..my head finds it hard to change and be the new and emerging me here. I find it hard to do new things in the little town where I have for all my life not done them. I never understood why people had to go to some other far away place to start over. I do now.
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