Just A Closer Walk With Thee

I just realized today that Heather and I havn't had a cigarette for over a year. Very kool!!

I've come here to post a couple of other times today, but I just didn't have anything I felt was worth putting down. (Not worth putting down? What does that mean anyway? How am I measuring that when I think it?) I have the itch to change the settings so only the next posts I right can be viewed. I feel like clearing all this out and starting with a clean slate. Whatever that means. I'm not sure if it's that I don't want you all to read previous posts or if it is that I don't feel I've said, in recent posts, what I wanted to say. I don't know.

I think the key phrase was, "starting with a clean slate". I so much want to be a blessing to people. I want to be a part of peoples lives. In close relationship with you. I don't know what I'm trying to say....

I've talked so much about wanting to be raised up as a leader in his ever-emerging Church and the past months have opened my eyes to how much molding needs to be done with this ugly piece of clay we call Scotty.

I want to be a part of...I am a part of you-His Church and I just have so many more questions than any thing else.

[I sigh while shaking my head]

I so easily look at you and have so much to say to try and lift you up. So much I can point at in your life and say that is good about you. I so much want to look at myself and say, “you’re a good, successful person.” [shake my head again] I stop and think again about what my ideas of success are. I realize I’m doing pretty damn good.

I recall that it is not my own glory that I look to achieve in life.

I guess I just get tired of feeling like I run in circles struggling with the little quirks that are me. As goes life I suppose....I stop and think that maybe it’s that I would like to walk a little closer to the Lord than I do. Pay a little more attention to Him. Talk to Him more. Ask Him what He’s up to. Ya’ know?

I am thankful for being able to go to Mayhem tomorrow in Cincinnati. It is good to know that we are not alone. We wouldn’t get very far if we were. I thank you all for lifting me up as you do. I wish I had every one of you a little closer to me. Geographically I mean. You come a little closer relationally as time passes and we keep walking with each other. This is just what I want with our Abba. He does so much for me and is always right here and I take such little time paying attention to Him. I feel I barely know Him. I hope I begin to walk with Him a little closer, but I pray I always realize I can know Him better. I pray I always desire to walk a little closer.

(I think I will change the settings. It’s my blog ya’ know. Click on the archives if you wish to read something that was here. I decided I wanted to change it for me. ‘Cause I can. :^)