Getting ready to leave for Cincinnati. There's a good question over on Bill's blog -"What does one do to get ready for Mayhem?"
I may not be alone, but I'm comming by myself. Heather has decided to stay home due to the morning sickness and such. Please pray for her. Please pray I am able to fuction without her for a couple of days.
Peace to all and please pray we would have safe travel.
Friday, January 09, 2004
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Just A Closer Walk With Thee
I just realized today that Heather and I havn't had a cigarette for over a year. Very kool!!
I've come here to post a couple of other times today, but I just didn't have anything I felt was worth putting down. (Not worth putting down? What does that mean anyway? How am I measuring that when I think it?) I have the itch to change the settings so only the next posts I right can be viewed. I feel like clearing all this out and starting with a clean slate. Whatever that means. I'm not sure if it's that I don't want you all to read previous posts or if it is that I don't feel I've said, in recent posts, what I wanted to say. I don't know.
I think the key phrase was, "starting with a clean slate". I so much want to be a blessing to people. I want to be a part of peoples lives. In close relationship with you. I don't know what I'm trying to say....
I've talked so much about wanting to be raised up as a leader in his ever-emerging Church and the past months have opened my eyes to how much molding needs to be done with this ugly piece of clay we call Scotty.
I want to be a part of...I am a part of you-His Church and I just have so many more questions than any thing else.
[I sigh while shaking my head]
I so easily look at you and have so much to say to try and lift you up. So much I can point at in your life and say that is good about you. I so much want to look at myself and say, “you’re a good, successful person.” [shake my head again] I stop and think again about what my ideas of success are. I realize I’m doing pretty damn good.
I recall that it is not my own glory that I look to achieve in life.
I guess I just get tired of feeling like I run in circles struggling with the little quirks that are me. As goes life I suppose....I stop and think that maybe it’s that I would like to walk a little closer to the Lord than I do. Pay a little more attention to Him. Talk to Him more. Ask Him what He’s up to. Ya’ know?
I am thankful for being able to go to Mayhem tomorrow in Cincinnati. It is good to know that we are not alone. We wouldn’t get very far if we were. I thank you all for lifting me up as you do. I wish I had every one of you a little closer to me. Geographically I mean. You come a little closer relationally as time passes and we keep walking with each other. This is just what I want with our Abba. He does so much for me and is always right here and I take such little time paying attention to Him. I feel I barely know Him. I hope I begin to walk with Him a little closer, but I pray I always realize I can know Him better. I pray I always desire to walk a little closer.
(I think I will change the settings. It’s my blog ya’ know. Click on the archives if you wish to read something that was here. I decided I wanted to change it for me. ‘Cause I can. :^)
I've come here to post a couple of other times today, but I just didn't have anything I felt was worth putting down. (Not worth putting down? What does that mean anyway? How am I measuring that when I think it?) I have the itch to change the settings so only the next posts I right can be viewed. I feel like clearing all this out and starting with a clean slate. Whatever that means. I'm not sure if it's that I don't want you all to read previous posts or if it is that I don't feel I've said, in recent posts, what I wanted to say. I don't know.
I think the key phrase was, "starting with a clean slate". I so much want to be a blessing to people. I want to be a part of peoples lives. In close relationship with you. I don't know what I'm trying to say....
I've talked so much about wanting to be raised up as a leader in his ever-emerging Church and the past months have opened my eyes to how much molding needs to be done with this ugly piece of clay we call Scotty.
I want to be a part of...I am a part of you-His Church and I just have so many more questions than any thing else.
[I sigh while shaking my head]
I so easily look at you and have so much to say to try and lift you up. So much I can point at in your life and say that is good about you. I so much want to look at myself and say, “you’re a good, successful person.” [shake my head again] I stop and think again about what my ideas of success are. I realize I’m doing pretty damn good.
I recall that it is not my own glory that I look to achieve in life.
I guess I just get tired of feeling like I run in circles struggling with the little quirks that are me. As goes life I suppose....I stop and think that maybe it’s that I would like to walk a little closer to the Lord than I do. Pay a little more attention to Him. Talk to Him more. Ask Him what He’s up to. Ya’ know?
I am thankful for being able to go to Mayhem tomorrow in Cincinnati. It is good to know that we are not alone. We wouldn’t get very far if we were. I thank you all for lifting me up as you do. I wish I had every one of you a little closer to me. Geographically I mean. You come a little closer relationally as time passes and we keep walking with each other. This is just what I want with our Abba. He does so much for me and is always right here and I take such little time paying attention to Him. I feel I barely know Him. I hope I begin to walk with Him a little closer, but I pray I always realize I can know Him better. I pray I always desire to walk a little closer.
(I think I will change the settings. It’s my blog ya’ know. Click on the archives if you wish to read something that was here. I decided I wanted to change it for me. ‘Cause I can. :^)
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
The Pursuit
“In the warm language of personal feeling this is stated in the Forty-second Psalm: ‘As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?’ This is deep calling unto deep, and the longing heart will understand it.”
“If we would find God amid all the religious externals we must first determine to find Him, and then proceed in the way of simplicity. Now as always God discovers Himself to ‘babes’ and hides Himself in thick darkness from the wise and the prudent. We must simplify our approach to Him. We must strip down to essentials (and they will be found to be blessedly few). We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond.”
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
-A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
I’ve come to realize that I have not been letting the Lord be the ruler over my heart and life. When I came to the realization that the world could not provide for me what I needed I began to be crippled by fear. I, a child of God, had been trusting in myself and in the things of this world to provide for us. I had put in the ‘temple’ of my heart things other that God.
My God shall be the Lord of my life! All else shall GO! I shall love all, but none outside of my love for my Father and His love for me.
I pray along with Tozer, “Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all Those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
I press on in pursuit of my God and realize that knowing him will only come through an intentional-intimate-life-long relationship that was and is initiated by Him.
“If we would find God amid all the religious externals we must first determine to find Him, and then proceed in the way of simplicity. Now as always God discovers Himself to ‘babes’ and hides Himself in thick darkness from the wise and the prudent. We must simplify our approach to Him. We must strip down to essentials (and they will be found to be blessedly few). We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond.”
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
-A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
I’ve come to realize that I have not been letting the Lord be the ruler over my heart and life. When I came to the realization that the world could not provide for me what I needed I began to be crippled by fear. I, a child of God, had been trusting in myself and in the things of this world to provide for us. I had put in the ‘temple’ of my heart things other that God.
My God shall be the Lord of my life! All else shall GO! I shall love all, but none outside of my love for my Father and His love for me.
I pray along with Tozer, “Father, I want to know Thee, but my coward heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all Those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
I press on in pursuit of my God and realize that knowing him will only come through an intentional-intimate-life-long relationship that was and is initiated by Him.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Monday, January 05, 2004
Guess What!
First off I want to apologize for my last few posts. I suppose I needed to vent. I let my fear almost get the better of me. Being broken does make me focus my attention more on my relationship with God though. And like Heather says, sometime I just need smacked around. :>)
Anyhoo, I got a job!!! Yea! Starting out it doesn’t pay the best, but it will put food on the table and pay the bills. I feel sooooo blessed by it though! GOD is good! Thank you for your prayers! I drove 35 miles this evening to Lafayette for the interview in some not-so-good weather. I drove home with the biggest smile on my face. Every few minutes I would yell, YEA!!! The cherries on the top of it are that I still get to go to Cinci this weekend and to the Indianapolis Ice game Saturday night with Heather and her mom and brother. Plus if and when we move to Indy this job will transfer. YEA!! I’m so excited. I’m also going to go Wednesday to a Starbucks open house in West Lafayette. They are hiring for a new store opening. I’ve never worked a service position before, but I have always wanted to work at a coffee shop so that would be really cool. Plus Startbucks would give us the insurance we need and would surely be transferable to Indy too.
I’ll be working for RGIS doing inventory. A bit of traveling, but that’s cool by me. They are really flexible with the schedule too. So if I got a part time job with StarBucks I could still work there and fill in the gaps. Either way...I GOT A JOB!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!
Thank you all sooo much for your continued prayers for us. We love ya all. A whole bunch!
And please forgive me for my lack of faith at times. I know how much I am unable to do and that He can, but sometimes I just can’t get my head off of what I can’t do. Forget to hurry up and give it to Him before I get all beaten down by it.
Peace and Love to you all.
WOOOHOOO!!! (doin’ a little dance)
Anyhoo, I got a job!!! Yea! Starting out it doesn’t pay the best, but it will put food on the table and pay the bills. I feel sooooo blessed by it though! GOD is good! Thank you for your prayers! I drove 35 miles this evening to Lafayette for the interview in some not-so-good weather. I drove home with the biggest smile on my face. Every few minutes I would yell, YEA!!! The cherries on the top of it are that I still get to go to Cinci this weekend and to the Indianapolis Ice game Saturday night with Heather and her mom and brother. Plus if and when we move to Indy this job will transfer. YEA!! I’m so excited. I’m also going to go Wednesday to a Starbucks open house in West Lafayette. They are hiring for a new store opening. I’ve never worked a service position before, but I have always wanted to work at a coffee shop so that would be really cool. Plus Startbucks would give us the insurance we need and would surely be transferable to Indy too.
I’ll be working for RGIS doing inventory. A bit of traveling, but that’s cool by me. They are really flexible with the schedule too. So if I got a part time job with StarBucks I could still work there and fill in the gaps. Either way...I GOT A JOB!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!
Thank you all sooo much for your continued prayers for us. We love ya all. A whole bunch!
And please forgive me for my lack of faith at times. I know how much I am unable to do and that He can, but sometimes I just can’t get my head off of what I can’t do. Forget to hurry up and give it to Him before I get all beaten down by it.
Peace and Love to you all.
WOOOHOOO!!! (doin’ a little dance)
Moving forward
Forget the last two posts! I'm moving forward!
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had ever happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given.
But please, may we all still pray for eachother. I'm thankful we don't journey alone! :^)
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had ever happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time we are given.
But please, may we all still pray for eachother. I'm thankful we don't journey alone! :^)
Sunday, January 04, 2004
PS
I realize the past has been placed behind us and we are moving forward. This family will always get up and move forward!!
It’s just been a while since I’ve worked and we’ve been struggling for a bit with the money and job thing. Heather and I know that she is probably going to end up being the primary bread winner in the family, but we can not pay for her classes until I get a job. And then you figure in the felt need (don’t get stuck on the word ‘felt‘. It‘s just the one I chose to use) to move away from here to Indianapolis and it just seems so out of reach.
Some can’t understand why we are still thinking of moving away with the baby coming and all, but it is on us to be a part of some folks’ lives that do not live here. We desire to step out of the ‘tradition’ I’ve grown up in and be a part of what he is doing in Indianapolis and beyond. We can not be just the Miller’s. We must be an active part of the Church’s lives. This is more important to us than anything. It is not separate from taking care of our family. It is the best thing we can do for them, to try and follow Him.
And another thing-If it is to be that we do not move from this town we WILL be doing a LOT of traveling. A LOT!
It’s just been a while since I’ve worked and we’ve been struggling for a bit with the money and job thing. Heather and I know that she is probably going to end up being the primary bread winner in the family, but we can not pay for her classes until I get a job. And then you figure in the felt need (don’t get stuck on the word ‘felt‘. It‘s just the one I chose to use) to move away from here to Indianapolis and it just seems so out of reach.
Some can’t understand why we are still thinking of moving away with the baby coming and all, but it is on us to be a part of some folks’ lives that do not live here. We desire to step out of the ‘tradition’ I’ve grown up in and be a part of what he is doing in Indianapolis and beyond. We can not be just the Miller’s. We must be an active part of the Church’s lives. This is more important to us than anything. It is not separate from taking care of our family. It is the best thing we can do for them, to try and follow Him.
And another thing-If it is to be that we do not move from this town we WILL be doing a LOT of traveling. A LOT!
I thank I might be Crazy!
“I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13
“For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you.” 2 Cor. 5:13
I must admit to all who know me, including God, that I am scared.
For whatever reasons we can barely remember we moved into my parents place. We have been here for a bit. Even staying here we’ve struggled financially. We have to admit that having this safe haven to stay has caused us not to step out as we should as people of faith and as parents. (not that the 2 of those should be viewed separately) We no longer feel that we have the choice but to step out on our own.
Heather and I had Mikah pretty young. I was 21 she was 17. (some of you probably didn’t know that I’m sure) We were both pretty into drugs when we found out she was pregnant. Literally a sobering experience for us both! After Mikah was born we lived together in Indianapolis before we were married and became pregnant with Kiara. A while after we found out we realized we needed to move back home. Humbling. We were married in July of 2002. Kiara was about 9 months old.
Mikah is now 4 and Kiara is 2. I am thankful for this time that I have been able to ‘awaken’, as it were, from my few years of drug use. I stopped growing up the moment I started using I think. It’s been good to have the safety of our folks’ homes to raise our kids for the first few years of their lives. I truly believe we needed it, but I believe we are beginning to stay past the time necessary and it is becoming no good.
I am in a really scary place that many have been before. Getting ready to step out into the great big world not knowing what lurks around the corner for us. I broke down last night talking with Heather. I admitted for the first time that I just do not know how to care for my family. We have another child on the way and I do not know how to provide for the ones I’ve got. I have not been trained to do anything to get a well paying job. With Heather being pregnant I am the only one who is going to have a job. “How will we make it?” I cried. “I just do not no [what] to do or [how] to do it. I don’t know how to be to take care of all of you.”
From Sweet’s Jesus Drives Me Crazy!:
I pray that He will give me the faith to step aside and that I can give him my all. To give him my family. My self. My need for a job. My breakfast. I give Him our dreams. I pray they are His. I pray that I can be a creative expression of Him, here and now. I pray that I may love. I pray for relationships. I pray for you and you living out His dream.
We have been given each other and I know that I need you.
May I live with a little more imagination and more through Him every day
I pray because ALL my hope is in Him! I can do nothing without Him!
“For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are of sound mind, it is for you.” 2 Cor. 5:13
I must admit to all who know me, including God, that I am scared.
For whatever reasons we can barely remember we moved into my parents place. We have been here for a bit. Even staying here we’ve struggled financially. We have to admit that having this safe haven to stay has caused us not to step out as we should as people of faith and as parents. (not that the 2 of those should be viewed separately) We no longer feel that we have the choice but to step out on our own.
Heather and I had Mikah pretty young. I was 21 she was 17. (some of you probably didn’t know that I’m sure) We were both pretty into drugs when we found out she was pregnant. Literally a sobering experience for us both! After Mikah was born we lived together in Indianapolis before we were married and became pregnant with Kiara. A while after we found out we realized we needed to move back home. Humbling. We were married in July of 2002. Kiara was about 9 months old.
Mikah is now 4 and Kiara is 2. I am thankful for this time that I have been able to ‘awaken’, as it were, from my few years of drug use. I stopped growing up the moment I started using I think. It’s been good to have the safety of our folks’ homes to raise our kids for the first few years of their lives. I truly believe we needed it, but I believe we are beginning to stay past the time necessary and it is becoming no good.
I am in a really scary place that many have been before. Getting ready to step out into the great big world not knowing what lurks around the corner for us. I broke down last night talking with Heather. I admitted for the first time that I just do not know how to care for my family. We have another child on the way and I do not know how to provide for the ones I’ve got. I have not been trained to do anything to get a well paying job. With Heather being pregnant I am the only one who is going to have a job. “How will we make it?” I cried. “I just do not no [what] to do or [how] to do it. I don’t know how to be to take care of all of you.”
From Sweet’s Jesus Drives Me Crazy!:
The apostle Paul, while in prison awaiting death, said he learned the ‘secret’ of smashed rainbows. What’s the secret--the secret of ‘being content’ in any and every situation, the secret wherewithal to endure all smashed rainbows?I don’t know how to care for my family as I should, but He does. I pray He helps me with my faith.
Paul’s secret is this: ‘I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.’ -Phil 4:13
The secret is the three-letter word all. A secret so simple, yet so complex, so mysterious. ‘For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible.’ If you are Christ’s, ‘all things are yours.’ God wants to do in your life ‘above all that we ask or think,’ and God will supply ‘all your need.’
Because of the all word, God adds an apostrophe and an opening to that word impossible: ‘I’m possible.’ When the rainbow is most smashed is when God is at work I you and perfecting the divine in you.”
“This three-letter word transforms whatever your manse into mansion, whatever your Sheol into Shiloh. Because of this word, we can praise God for every side of life-for friends, lovers, art, literature, knowledge, humor, politics-and the little red cloud away there in the West.
But all the all promises cling like Krazy Glue to this one verse: Is Christ your ‘all and in all’? When Paul talks about God being ‘all in all,’ he recognizes that God is already ‘all.’ It is our ministry to put God ‘in all’ so that ‘all things are subject to him’ and he will be ‘ all in all.’ Is it your prayer ‘that God may be all in all’?”
“All reminds us that God likes to appear in strange and unlikely places. All tips God’s hand to the divine penchant for working in our lives and world in ways beyond our comprehension. Like Jacob’s dream ladder, where angels were ascending and descending and God was speaking -‘Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever you go’-we too awake from sleep and say like Jacob, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place-and I did not know it!’
You know how much you love and care for your kids. You want to give them everything that is good for them. Do you think God would treat you, a child of his, worse than you, a parent, would treat your own children?
God’s possibilities are endless. NUTS disciples dream big. Little dreams have no magic. The crisis of faith today has more to do with imagination that with intellect. The Greek myth of Prometheus had humans stealing fire from the gods and being punished for it. In the Christian tradition, God gave humans the fire and rewards humanity for exercising its call to dream-to be creative and continue his creativity by dreaming his dream for the world.
Jesus calls us to refuse to accept life on the terms offered us by smashed rainbows. We are not called to make our own terms in life. We are called to make God’s terms with life.” pgs. 127-130
I pray that He will give me the faith to step aside and that I can give him my all. To give him my family. My self. My need for a job. My breakfast. I give Him our dreams. I pray they are His. I pray that I can be a creative expression of Him, here and now. I pray that I may love. I pray for relationships. I pray for you and you living out His dream.
We have been given each other and I know that I need you.
May I live with a little more imagination and more through Him every day
I pray because ALL my hope is in Him! I can do nothing without Him!
Friday, January 02, 2004
Warrior Swanz and Spirit Candy
No. It's not a new musical. We have been given the gifts of two new blogs by two of my favorite bloggers for the new year.
Brad has blessed us with WarriorSwanz. He says, ""WarriorSwanz" is based on a story from The Silmarillion. It honors the mythological memory of these swans who served, explores the courage of journeying Elves and others, and mines as opals some truths behind Tolkien's mythos. (Be sure to read the archived first entry in December 2003!)"
We have been blessed by Andrew with OurDailyBlog.com. He calls it "Spirit Candy for New Media Pilgrims". It is a daily devotional site using "Imitation Of Christ" by Thomas a' Kempis.
Go check 'em out!
Brad has blessed us with WarriorSwanz. He says, ""WarriorSwanz" is based on a story from The Silmarillion. It honors the mythological memory of these swans who served, explores the courage of journeying Elves and others, and mines as opals some truths behind Tolkien's mythos. (Be sure to read the archived first entry in December 2003!)"
We have been blessed by Andrew with OurDailyBlog.com. He calls it "Spirit Candy for New Media Pilgrims". It is a daily devotional site using "Imitation Of Christ" by Thomas a' Kempis.
Go check 'em out!
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
our hope-filled odyssey
Ok, not sure where all this will go....
Sometime in 2002 the Lord really pressed on my heart to come into a deeper relationship with him and also to see that there were many lives not being reached by my expression of what a Christian is and the Church as a whole in my experience. “What Is Jesus Doing?” I realized was a better question to be asking.
I was attending the American Baptist church that I grew up in. I began getting more involved with Bible study groups and even tried my hand at teaching the senior high youth class. Which Scotty is just not equipped to do when it comes to teacher up here - student down there settings. I didn’t like it that way. Thought it needed to be more leveled out as just a conversation. Blah blah blah.
Word of my passion for those who don’t know Christ reached the mission committee. So, I was on the committee for a bit....yuk!....I got out of there ASAP! It makes me sad thinking about how missions is looked at. What it is viewed as being.
At the beginning of 2003 I began looking to see what Scotty wanted to be when he grew up. I’ve got a little family now ya know? In a search via the internet one evening a want add or something came up for a position with some mission sending agency. After a few links I ended up at the IMB website and somewhere in there was this page with a picture on it where a family was all seated on a couch in a living room. The page was for something about some form of training for cross cultural missions. I remember crying and trying to tell Heather that night about how I just knew that somehow and some way the Lord was going to use us in ‘missions‘. In fulltime ministry....
Began searching for what I might want to go to school for that could be of use in the ‘mission field’ somewhere....
The war was beginning in Iraq. I found a link to Salam Pax’s blog via Yahoo news. After a couple of days of clicking links it occurred to me that this blog thing would be a wonderful outlet for ministry. As Christians putting ourselves out there openly and honestly about our life - our journey. I did a search for Christian bloggers and...hmm (shaking my head and smiling)...the very first blog I clicked on was Tallskinnykiwi. :^)
I think it was March 27th. There was a picture of Bea at the Peach with red hair. I began emailing Andrew almost immediately. It wasn’t long before he was telling me I needed to get my own blog. LOL! I think I was clogging his email box with questions. :^) Even before I began blogging and on into it I was emailing other bloggers with my thoughts and questions and worries and more and more questions.
At some point we were invited down to Dallas by Josh and Kristen Rudd. Then we were invited to move down. The three Rudds, by the way, are the coolest little fam! Josh and Kristen are both the same age as me, but I have OH so much that could be learned from them. There was a long period where Heather and I were sure that was going to be where we were in the very short future. The Lord has other plans as far as we can tell. We’ve been down to Dallas though. The Thames at LGBC are...(sniff sniff)...the most loving people. Amazing! Everyone we met down there...man. (shaking my head) If we don’t ever move down there, at least somewhere close, Heather and I will be greatly disappointed. And we got to meet Shannon and Brad! I don’t even know where to begin with them....I just want to say that...I don’t know. You guyz rock so incredibly much! (and we are really sorry we missed Jessica by something like a week) You are all family.
We experienced a loss this year. (sigh) I’m glad we were in Dallas with all of them when this happened. I know that sounds weird that we were more comfortable there with people we were just getting to know than folks here, but we were so loved by all of them. (Heather really wanted her Mommy though) Dawn....you are an amazing individual!
We are pregnant again! And as Brad would say, “Harooh! Hoorah! Hooray!”
I wont go on to speaking about our worries because I just want ya’ll to know we feel blessed. We struggled, more this year than any other, but we are truly blessed.
Mikah’s almost in school and Kiara is talking like crazy. They amaze me everyday with who they are. I smile to think that they were made in the image of our God.
And Heather....(moment to reflect and wipe a tear)...Good golly! She is the nuts and the bolts the Lord uses to keep this little fam together. The one that grounds me. She kicks me in the rump when I’m being a fool. She is beautiful and by far the most amazing person I have ever met. I have seen Christ’s work in her like I have seen in no other. She is so not the same girl I began dating almost six years ago. The person she has become in and through Christ is so amazing to me. Man! I would truly be lost without her. She is my best friend.
We have taken a step back from our church experience and asked, ”what are we doing here?” and “what are we supposed to be doing?”. Not just “what are the Millers doing?”, but we have really asked this year for the first time and are continuing to discover ourselves along the way by asking, “what is church?” I really needed to take a step out of the boat and look at who and what we are in Christ.
We haven’t been to First Baptist in a few weeks. It makes me sad, but I suppose it’s kinda like leaving home for the first time. We need real, face-to-face, relationships though.
That is what I want for us in 2004. God has blessed us with all of you. We’ve discovered we are Not Alone. Now the Millers need to get on living our life ‘with’ some of you. Some of you we may only be able to make pilgrimages once a year to see. For others we will most likely be moving a little closer to get to journey together with you for a while....
Of course it is going to be everyday kinda stuff we are going to experience together. Well, at least everyday kinda stuff in the Kingdom. Regular human and relational issues being dealt with. I think that’s where relevance is seen by the rest of the world. That’s why I’ve learned that ‘relevance’ isn’t an important issue. If we are living it, together, the way we should....the rest of the world will see Christ in each of us. As we are living together - seeing Christ ALIVE in each of us.
I look forward to seeing the “world in new and wonderful ways, filled with hope.”
I look forward to the adventures we will have on this odyssey.
May you all be blessed in 2004.
*(ps - i still don't know what I want to be when i grow up, but i think i'm just going to go about it searching for 'how' to be)
Sometime in 2002 the Lord really pressed on my heart to come into a deeper relationship with him and also to see that there were many lives not being reached by my expression of what a Christian is and the Church as a whole in my experience. “What Is Jesus Doing?” I realized was a better question to be asking.
I was attending the American Baptist church that I grew up in. I began getting more involved with Bible study groups and even tried my hand at teaching the senior high youth class. Which Scotty is just not equipped to do when it comes to teacher up here - student down there settings. I didn’t like it that way. Thought it needed to be more leveled out as just a conversation. Blah blah blah.
Word of my passion for those who don’t know Christ reached the mission committee. So, I was on the committee for a bit....yuk!....I got out of there ASAP! It makes me sad thinking about how missions is looked at. What it is viewed as being.
At the beginning of 2003 I began looking to see what Scotty wanted to be when he grew up. I’ve got a little family now ya know? In a search via the internet one evening a want add or something came up for a position with some mission sending agency. After a few links I ended up at the IMB website and somewhere in there was this page with a picture on it where a family was all seated on a couch in a living room. The page was for something about some form of training for cross cultural missions. I remember crying and trying to tell Heather that night about how I just knew that somehow and some way the Lord was going to use us in ‘missions‘. In fulltime ministry....
Began searching for what I might want to go to school for that could be of use in the ‘mission field’ somewhere....
The war was beginning in Iraq. I found a link to Salam Pax’s blog via Yahoo news. After a couple of days of clicking links it occurred to me that this blog thing would be a wonderful outlet for ministry. As Christians putting ourselves out there openly and honestly about our life - our journey. I did a search for Christian bloggers and...hmm (shaking my head and smiling)...the very first blog I clicked on was Tallskinnykiwi. :^)
I think it was March 27th. There was a picture of Bea at the Peach with red hair. I began emailing Andrew almost immediately. It wasn’t long before he was telling me I needed to get my own blog. LOL! I think I was clogging his email box with questions. :^) Even before I began blogging and on into it I was emailing other bloggers with my thoughts and questions and worries and more and more questions.
At some point we were invited down to Dallas by Josh and Kristen Rudd. Then we were invited to move down. The three Rudds, by the way, are the coolest little fam! Josh and Kristen are both the same age as me, but I have OH so much that could be learned from them. There was a long period where Heather and I were sure that was going to be where we were in the very short future. The Lord has other plans as far as we can tell. We’ve been down to Dallas though. The Thames at LGBC are...(sniff sniff)...the most loving people. Amazing! Everyone we met down there...man. (shaking my head) If we don’t ever move down there, at least somewhere close, Heather and I will be greatly disappointed. And we got to meet Shannon and Brad! I don’t even know where to begin with them....I just want to say that...I don’t know. You guyz rock so incredibly much! (and we are really sorry we missed Jessica by something like a week) You are all family.
We experienced a loss this year. (sigh) I’m glad we were in Dallas with all of them when this happened. I know that sounds weird that we were more comfortable there with people we were just getting to know than folks here, but we were so loved by all of them. (Heather really wanted her Mommy though) Dawn....you are an amazing individual!
We are pregnant again! And as Brad would say, “Harooh! Hoorah! Hooray!”
I wont go on to speaking about our worries because I just want ya’ll to know we feel blessed. We struggled, more this year than any other, but we are truly blessed.
Mikah’s almost in school and Kiara is talking like crazy. They amaze me everyday with who they are. I smile to think that they were made in the image of our God.
And Heather....(moment to reflect and wipe a tear)...Good golly! She is the nuts and the bolts the Lord uses to keep this little fam together. The one that grounds me. She kicks me in the rump when I’m being a fool. She is beautiful and by far the most amazing person I have ever met. I have seen Christ’s work in her like I have seen in no other. She is so not the same girl I began dating almost six years ago. The person she has become in and through Christ is so amazing to me. Man! I would truly be lost without her. She is my best friend.
We have taken a step back from our church experience and asked, ”what are we doing here?” and “what are we supposed to be doing?”. Not just “what are the Millers doing?”, but we have really asked this year for the first time and are continuing to discover ourselves along the way by asking, “what is church?” I really needed to take a step out of the boat and look at who and what we are in Christ.
We haven’t been to First Baptist in a few weeks. It makes me sad, but I suppose it’s kinda like leaving home for the first time. We need real, face-to-face, relationships though.
That is what I want for us in 2004. God has blessed us with all of you. We’ve discovered we are Not Alone. Now the Millers need to get on living our life ‘with’ some of you. Some of you we may only be able to make pilgrimages once a year to see. For others we will most likely be moving a little closer to get to journey together with you for a while....
Of course it is going to be everyday kinda stuff we are going to experience together. Well, at least everyday kinda stuff in the Kingdom. Regular human and relational issues being dealt with. I think that’s where relevance is seen by the rest of the world. That’s why I’ve learned that ‘relevance’ isn’t an important issue. If we are living it, together, the way we should....the rest of the world will see Christ in each of us. As we are living together - seeing Christ ALIVE in each of us.
I look forward to seeing the “world in new and wonderful ways, filled with hope.”
I look forward to the adventures we will have on this odyssey.
May you all be blessed in 2004.
*(ps - i still don't know what I want to be when i grow up, but i think i'm just going to go about it searching for 'how' to be)
Saturday, December 27, 2003
"'emerging' into what?"
I think that is a better question to be asking ourselves.
In Alan’s post on Dec. 26 he addresses talk “about the term ‘emerging,’ referring to the emerging church.”
A few quotes:
My thoughts:
“We just keep searching, praying, listening and doing.” ‘We’….that is much of what Church is. Isn’t it? It is a living, breathing organism that is prone to ‘growth’ and change. The Church has emerged. It is emerging. And it will continue to do so as long as there are people who think for themselves and continue “searching, praying, listening and doing.” It is the ever-emergent Church.
(chopping Alan's post up does not do it justice - click over to his blog and peruse it yourself) - I knew I would be able to use the word 'peruse' sometime today.
In Alan’s post on Dec. 26 he addresses talk “about the term ‘emerging,’ referring to the emerging church.”
A few quotes:
“trying to get to the heart of the matter - what IS the church? Why is it here? All the answers we have EVER been given are on the chopping block - they won't do simply because they are there. So, we lay them all down and we pick them up one by one and ask, "why is this here?" - "is this legitimate?" - "does this harm or help?" - and the big one - ‘does this or that help to effectively form me and those whom I am bound together with into the image of Jesus Christ?’”And in the conversation in the comments for that post Alan says, “So, our answers are not in essay form but in the form of action. These aren't generally seen so it's understandable that many would think we have none. None of that was meant to be a ‘how to’ for this new journey. There is no ‘how to.’ We just keep searching, praying, listening and doing.”
“I am not talking about one model over another. I am not advocating ‘house church’ over ‘cell church’ or whatever. The only reason I would ever suggest anyone look at any model whatsoever is if I thought somehow, part of that model caught a glimpse of the core of the matter better than another perhaps - so look at that - please! But don't just look to find things that seem cool and copy them - damn! Jump off the cliff and hit the freakin' rocks below and die a bloody death to everything before! Do it now!!! If you do not, you will never ever know if any of it is good and healthy and formational or not. ”
“If you die that death, allow God to slowly resurrect you, and then end up with a building - awesome!! But DO NOT simply refuse to question whether or not it is legitimate to have a building as a "church"! Don't do that. Don't simply refuse to question paid staff ministry because "that's all I was ever trained to do" and you're afraid you won't be able to support your family - DON'T do that! Wow! We can't get past the front door to see the street! It's NOT about models or labels or styles of worship - crap, crap! It's about busting it all down because it really, really has not worked very well - a good deal of it - and allowing God to rebuild it - ALL of it - for us, through us, in us. So, doing it the same old way with new garb on is not going to cut it. Not allowing yourself to question pretty much everything because of fear will not get it done. This is it. This is what is ‘emerging.’ I'm sure other things are too, but this is what I'm seeing and hearing and doing - trying to do.”
My thoughts:
“We just keep searching, praying, listening and doing.” ‘We’….that is much of what Church is. Isn’t it? It is a living, breathing organism that is prone to ‘growth’ and change. The Church has emerged. It is emerging. And it will continue to do so as long as there are people who think for themselves and continue “searching, praying, listening and doing.” It is the ever-emergent Church.
(chopping Alan's post up does not do it justice - click over to his blog and peruse it yourself) - I knew I would be able to use the word 'peruse' sometime today.
The humble and edifying confession of one who refuses to die a rock-star’s death
Before I begin I want to make clear that drinking alcohol is not something that I have allowed myself to do often as to not make a bad habit of something that could have been enjoyed.
But, alas, I must confess. The first hour I was awake this morning I was crying like crazy. I awoke, thank God, to find that I had vomited in my sleep. Heather said she could not get me to wake up. She stayed up half the night watching over her fool of a husband.
I’m not sure how much I drank. I’m sure it was not as much as you are probably thinking, but being that I do not drink often or much when I do it didn’t have to be a whole lot. It was too much though. I remember playing cards and then.......nothing. Just waking up this morning to the scary realization of the filth that alcohol brings out of me.
My head is hung in shame today (partly because of the headache, but mostly shame). I have found it hard to look at anyone. As many of you know for a few years of my life I lived on drugs and alcohol. How foolish of me to think it safe to stroll on that cliff edge.
From this day forward I will no longer be drinking. So if I am in your home and you ask me to sit and have a drink with you, which I pray you would not do after reading this, do not be offended when I decline. I just want to be alive to enjoy your company another day. Besides I have not sold any hit records yet and therefore I do not think it fitting that I die a rock star’s death.
It is so not ok that I let this happen. I am so hesitant to post this, but I am having a really hard time forgiving myself. I know by making this confession I am open to judgment and condemnation, but no one could condemn me more harshly than I am right now.
It is my intent to serve our God alongside each of you and I am in no position to be doing that if I am not wise enough to learn from this and move on.
As tears begin to well up I want to beg of you not to hate me for this or look on me as one who is unable to serve. Please forgive me. I am not prone to drunkenness. Only prone to be a half-wit.
I’m really sorry. I really disappoint myself sometimes.
Again, I am SO not ok with this.
But, alas, I must confess. The first hour I was awake this morning I was crying like crazy. I awoke, thank God, to find that I had vomited in my sleep. Heather said she could not get me to wake up. She stayed up half the night watching over her fool of a husband.
I’m not sure how much I drank. I’m sure it was not as much as you are probably thinking, but being that I do not drink often or much when I do it didn’t have to be a whole lot. It was too much though. I remember playing cards and then.......nothing. Just waking up this morning to the scary realization of the filth that alcohol brings out of me.
My head is hung in shame today (partly because of the headache, but mostly shame). I have found it hard to look at anyone. As many of you know for a few years of my life I lived on drugs and alcohol. How foolish of me to think it safe to stroll on that cliff edge.
From this day forward I will no longer be drinking. So if I am in your home and you ask me to sit and have a drink with you, which I pray you would not do after reading this, do not be offended when I decline. I just want to be alive to enjoy your company another day. Besides I have not sold any hit records yet and therefore I do not think it fitting that I die a rock star’s death.
It is so not ok that I let this happen. I am so hesitant to post this, but I am having a really hard time forgiving myself. I know by making this confession I am open to judgment and condemnation, but no one could condemn me more harshly than I am right now.
It is my intent to serve our God alongside each of you and I am in no position to be doing that if I am not wise enough to learn from this and move on.
As tears begin to well up I want to beg of you not to hate me for this or look on me as one who is unable to serve. Please forgive me. I am not prone to drunkenness. Only prone to be a half-wit.
I’m really sorry. I really disappoint myself sometimes.
Again, I am SO not ok with this.
Friday, December 26, 2003
a heart for the least of these
Please go and read Asa's blog post for December 26. It is the voice of a compassionate and loving heart that hurts.
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