Before I begin I want to make clear that drinking alcohol is not something that I have allowed myself to do often as to not make a bad habit of something that could have been enjoyed.
But, alas, I must confess. The first hour I was awake this morning I was crying like crazy. I awoke, thank God, to find that I had vomited in my sleep. Heather said she could not get me to wake up. She stayed up half the night watching over her fool of a husband.
I’m not sure how much I drank. I’m sure it was not as much as you are probably thinking, but being that I do not drink often or much when I do it didn’t have to be a whole lot. It was too much though. I remember playing cards and then.......nothing. Just waking up this morning to the scary realization of the filth that alcohol brings out of me.
My head is hung in shame today (partly because of the headache, but mostly shame). I have found it hard to look at anyone. As many of you know for a few years of my life I lived on drugs and alcohol. How foolish of me to think it safe to stroll on that cliff edge.
From this day forward I will no longer be drinking. So if I am in your home and you ask me to sit and have a drink with you, which I pray you would not do after reading this, do not be offended when I decline. I just want to be alive to enjoy your company another day. Besides I have not sold any hit records yet and therefore I do not think it fitting that I die a rock star’s death.
It is so not ok that I let this happen. I am so hesitant to post this, but I am having a really hard time forgiving myself. I know by making this confession I am open to judgment and condemnation, but no one could condemn me more harshly than I am right now.
It is my intent to serve our God alongside each of you and I am in no position to be doing that if I am not wise enough to learn from this and move on.
As tears begin to well up I want to beg of you not to hate me for this or look on me as one who is unable to serve. Please forgive me. I am not prone to drunkenness. Only prone to be a half-wit.
I’m really sorry. I really disappoint myself sometimes.
Again, I am SO not ok with this.
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