‘paralysis of analysis’ and the limit of these very words

I spent some time meditating and praying on my stuckness yesterday. On what the cross and the suffering means to me. To you. To everyone.

I do not have to understand all nor do I believe that my understanding is a complete view of what is there. There are things you do not see when you look out of a window. What you see is there, but there is so much more out there to be seen and experienced.

First thing is that I have not been conversing with the father as I should be. And I have gotten stuck from trying to verbalize, systematize and sterilize my faith. I have not meditated on the cross and the suffering and the forgiveness for a while.

I read that Gibson said that he wished he could tell people to enjoy the film, but he knew that no one ever did.

I did not enjoy it at all. It was a good film, but between the film, Lent and the Holy Spirit I have not been able to look away from the awfulness of what I saw. What I have believed for most of my life that Christ went through.

I am right. It doesn’t make since. George you are right in your comment. What Christ did, especially since He was God and had the power to stop it all, did not make since to my human mind.

What I put my faith in is this:

While he hung up there, after being placed up there by the ones that He came to love, He forgave them. He knew He would be rejected by the world and yet He continued to love. In life and in death. And on into eternity.

Knowing full well these people, you and I, all that we have done and still do, He loves us. He loves us as we are, not as we should be. None of us are as we should be.

I put my faith in that love. That man. That God.

I pray that I am but an image of that. I pray that I never look away from that again.

No way of doing things. No heavy yoke should I invite people to as part of the Church. Just that love and acceptance. Respect and companionship. I pray for any and everyone’s forgiveness everyday - every moment that I fall short of that. Anything other than that that I try to invite people into as the Church is the very reason they do not come. Anytime I perceive and act as though my marriage is to be anything less or more than that it ceases to grow and mature. I begin to expect things and am disappointed.

I ask Heather and my Abba and all of you to forgive me for doing that and for the things that I am sure to do in a life time and eternity of walking together.

As much as we all need and want a love such as this the world tends to reject it. As I begin to walk closer to and with Christ and more and more I die to myself and begin loving like this the more that much of the world will reject me.

It is a dangerous thing to love.

I am thankful I am not in this alone.