Wednesday, March 31, 2004

To live to love

Being sick, Jess’s link and comments on this, watching the episode of E.R. where Dr. Green sees his last patient because he is dieing of a tumor, and just looking around at the lives of those who live in our apartment community reminds me how well I have it. Reminds me to be thankful for what I got. The life that I have. My beautiful family. Reminds me to enjoy my freedom in Christ and not get so stressed about what I am supposed to do with it.

My children are beautiful. My wife is beautiful. The growing baby in her belly is beautiful. My life is beautiful.

What an ass I am to ever take that for granted.

Stressing about bills seems so silly when I think about other people’s realities.

To live to love....

To enjoy the company of a stranger. An old friend. The laughter of my children. My wife’s smart-aleck comments....

To enjoy my life. To live it to the fullest. To love to the fullest. All done in/with/through Christ. That is what my neighbors need. What my family needs.

ginger ale and minestrone soup

I feel horrible today.

At home and resting.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Just going to spit this out

(I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Maybe nowhere. I’m typing this for myself. I will probably post it to share my struggle.)

My family has a lot of growing to do. We’ve come a long way though. Through our relationship with Christ and you the Church we have grown considerably over the past few years. The past year we have seen so much of what is important in life to us as individuals and as a family change. We believe we have and still are becoming disciples.

Always learning. Always room to grow.

I’ve said that I’ve come to Indianapolis with no expectations and perceived ideas about what things should look like. Now, we all know that is a little hard not to carry about with us our own ideas about how things should be and what we would like to be doing.

I try and shake off what needs to be left behind.

The thing is - I have in my heart and in my mind the need to reach those in our communities living ‘alternative lifestyles’. (That’s broad, but I think I will leave it at that for the time being.)

I have a heart for all of God’s children and, as Alan put it, His “un-children”. Rich. Poor. Urban. Suburban. Rural. Sick. Well. Pierced. Tattooed. Long hair. Bald. Comb-over. Gay. Straight. Anything-goes. Atheist. Ala Carte. Apathetic. Etc. etc. etc.

I do feel this time for the Miller’s is about our own growth as a family and as individuals. Much rest too. It is never just about “me” or “us” though. Should never be.

I have to think about how to best love my neighbor.

In my conversation with Matt in the comments a couple of posts down I said that I think sometimes we try too hard to look busy. I was preaching to myself there.

I’m asking what we are to be doing as the Church. How does Scotty begin to ’reach’ the community when He himself has soooo much to learn? So many of you that I love and admire and have learned from and I am inspired by have been about Church planting and such for some time. Many of you have been to Seminary. Many of you have traveled the world. So many of your lives have obviously touched so many others. I’m not talking about the quantity of the people but the quality of the relationships and the transformation that has taken place in people lives. The discipleship that has obviously happened.


Did I just stumble on to something there? “....the quality of the relationships and the transformation..” “The discipleship..”

I’ve grown up with programs and big events as my examples of ’outreach’ and ’discipleship’. (well, I am from a small town so they weren’t quite so big. But they tried to be) Committees and missionaries doing the work and talking it through for us. Now that we have CHOSEN to live a missional (ever noticed that word doesn’t show up in spell check?) life....Ah....

One relationship at a time. One deed at a time. One conversation at a time. One story at a time. One pizza at a time. One tear at a time.

It doesn’t make me a ‘big-important’ person. It might not look like I’m doing a lot. Will probably look more like I’m playing than I’m ‘working’. Who am I to want to be ‘big’ and ‘important’ anyhoo? I am nothing but a ‘fellow worker’. 1 Corinthians 3

Hmm? Rest!?

(thank you Matt and Geo)

Saturday, March 27, 2004

home alone

The fam has gone to see grandparents and I am here alone for the first time.

Broadband and coffee are my companions until I head off to work around 5 o'clock.

question: who can and who can not see the image to the left? When I add "align=left" to the image tag it doesn't appear in my IE browser, but I can see it in Mozilla. I've noticed that with IE I can view other's images who use the "align-left" in their postings. I don't understand.

another post

I know I haven’t commented on many of your blogs for a while. I just want to say that I am excited as I look around and see what Christ is doing through the Church. Through you that is.

I read today in “The Emerging Church” about how the US is the fifth largest ‘mission field’ globally and if all the ‘unchurched’ people in the US were gathered together as their own nation they would be the fifth largest nation in the world. WOW!! I cried reading this today. I got emotional when reading about Hudson Taylor. (cant’ believe I’ve never heard of him) It got me right at the heart. I realized I have this heart for you the Church and for the world at large and that my focus has been off. I have neglected my relationship with Christ. I want and do “dream missionary dreams.” I “must bleed missionary blood.” I “must pray missionary prayers.”

My wife and I have chosen to be prisoners of His. We have chosen to be held captive by him and to live our lives on mission. But we still do the things we do not want to do and don’t do the things we want to. He is perfect at this. We suck at it!! I pray that this young family, in serving Christ the Head, you the Church and the communities around us, would stand firm and stay focused. I pray we do not neglect our relationship with Him nor our relationship with you. Doing so would be neglecting our relationship with Him, I believe.

....I don’t really know what else to say at the moment. I love you all.

We are here in Indy to learn and to serve. To laugh and to cry with you. To work and to play. To tell stories and to listen to yours. Other than that we have know idea what we are doing. Our story is an open book.

And I say again....I am excited about what Christ is doing through the Church. Day to day it doesn’t look all that exciting. Not big and flashy that is.

This Sunday we will be driving to the home of a family we haven’t even met to do Church with other people we haven’t met. Honestly it scares me. Having grown up in the Church I know that I can walk in to FBC Anywhereville and I can hide in the corner. I can disappear in the crowd. I know from experience that I can go though a long period of going to that place and never be challenged much. I know my sins can go unnoticed for a long time. I know I can make it in and out with a smile and a wave for fellowship and never have to face my anxiety about meeting new people and opening up my life to them.

Sunday I know there will be no place to hide. There will probably be no crowd. In all probability I will set on a couch next to someone or across a kitchen table from someone and my anxiety about opening up and conversing with new people will have to be faced-by me. I know that discipleship happens in this setting. I know that discipleship means growth and I know that growth means being vulnerable and it means pain before gain quite often.

It’s the little things. The stories. The kids. The praying for each other. The sharing. The dishes. The plumbing. The tears. The food. It’s Christ being in the midst of all that that makes it so exciting. It’s going to be real. Not pretty. Just real.

I’m excited!!

Bless you all

And Peace

Friday, March 26, 2004

sleep blogging

It’s late. The kids and Mommy are tucked away safely in their beds. Daddy’s up, loving the chai tea. Tired, but can’t sleep.

I’ve tried to comment on people's blogs a few times tonight and tried to send a few emails, but I found myself deleting what I had typed before I would press post or send. Didn’t seem to be saying what I wanted to say. (wouldn’t that be cool if you could do that in conversation? You say something you didn’t want to say or shouldn’t have and you could just press delete and it didn’t happen) Silly I suppose. Maybe just too tired and too judgmental of my own thoughts. Could be I just don’t have the vocabulary to say all that I want to say. Takes too many words. My thoughts get lost in their own translation.

Maybe I should just sleep.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I had something to say-I’m sure of it

My mind’s been all over the place today. Haven’t been able to focus on the task at hand. Whatever that may have been at any given moment.

The day is done though.

Feeling kinda low but not sure what about. Just feel....blah. Ya’ know?

Think I’m going to go soak in the tub with a cup of Earl Grey and read some Merton or something.

Yeah! That sounds good.

update:: opted not to take the bath and settled for the tea and the book.

Monday, March 22, 2004


Just woke up about 11:30. I’m doing an inventory of a JCPenny in one of the west-side suburbs tonight. Probably wont get home unitil after midnight. Waking up this late is horrible. So much could have or should have been accomplished by now.

Ah well, I’ve got the rest of the week off to go job hunting though.

Sitting here sipping a freshly ground-freshly brewed cup of Newman’s Columbian Especial. Yummy!! (forgive me if that sounded too much like a commercial, but the stuff is good) Kiara’s laying on my bed watching Jimmy Neutron. She’s got her hands behind her head and one leg crossed over the other looking like such a big girl. She’s talking so much these days. Quite the attitude too.

We enjoyed our time at the Beans yesterday. Got to meet Jim and Syndie Best and their children. Beautiful family. Big hearts.

It was Church. We had chocolate chip pancakes, regular pancakes, conversation and stories, bacon, eggs, kids going every which way, plenty of coffee, scripture reading and prayer.

**(kiara’s sooo cute!!)

Heather and I felt very much welcomed and accepted by Bill and Mollie. Good, authentic, loving people. The kidz loved the experience too. We asked Mikah what he thought of Bill after we got home and he says, “Oh, that funny-weird guy!?” :-)

The Miller clan is settling in.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I'll have to tell him when he has kids

The day we found out we were getting the apartment we left the complex and went to Wendy’s to have lunch and call to get broadband and electricity set up. (everything else was already taken care of)

Anyway, Mikah says he has to go to the bathroom. The place isn’t busy and we are not far from the bathroom and I’m facing the door anyway, so I let him go ahead and go by himself. His request of course.

Some time goes by and this older gentleman gets up and goes in to the bathroom.

Another minute or two and I’ve decided I should go in and check on Mikah.

I walk in to the bathroom. Sink on the left, stall in front of me and the urinal to the right behind this little piece of wall. I walk in and don’t see anyone. I know there are two people in here and I don’t see anyone!? I look down and see large feet in the know where my mind was going for that second or two. Finally, I look to the right, at the urinal, and see Mikah SITTING in the urinal. POOPING!!!! LOL!!!

It was the funniest thing I have ever seen! OMG!!!

My little four year old with his pants down sitting on the urinal. The thing was too far up for him to have peed in standing. He had to have climbed up there to get in.

I said, “Boy! What are you doing!” He looked so confused. What do ya do when you’re done pooping in a urinal and there is no toilet paper?

The guy in the stall just busts up laughing!! He says while laughing hysterically, “I walk in. I look at him. He looks at me and I say, ‘Boy, I think you are in the wrong place!’” Then the guy is rolling!!

So the guy passes some toilet paper out and I get Mikah cleaned up and wash his hands and send him on his way. I stick around so I can clean up and the guy comes out of the stall with his face beat red and eyes watering from laughing so hard.

It was great! Wish I had a camera. It was the funniest sight I have ever seen! Oh man!

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

i arise...

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me.

we are in Indy

The Miller's are moved in and resting. Heather's a bit tired. She's officially grounded and not allowed to do any work.

Kiddoes are lovin' it.

blog more later

peace and a St. Patrick's Day blessing to ya'.

Saturday, March 13, 2004


George had asked about what we were doing in Indy or why we were going.

As far as a job goes my place at RGIS transfers. It will not be enough to take care of everything so I will be doing the job search thing as soon as we get there.

Heather and I lived in Indy for a bit before we got married and we have always talked about going back. (except when we were looking at going to Dallas of course) The past year to 2 years we have changed a lot. The Lord has been busy. It’s a good thing he has big hands otherwise they would be full with us. We have more and more viewed our lives as mission, but as disciples we feel we have sooo much to learn and Heather being a young Christian and I being new to viewing my life as mission and being young parents I have always felt that we needed to be somewhere where we could be mentored or at least in relationship with people who viewed there lives as mission as well. We are placing ourselves down there open to what God has in store for us. We are looking forward to meeting new people and expanding our relationships with Bill Bean and Riley Kern and I am praying that God is preparing a place for us with Indychuch. They seem to be in transition and I would love to be a part of the journey with them.

Really we are just down here to ‘get a life’ really. To live and learn and to share stories with whomever God places into our lives.

Our story has many blank pages and we are excited about what the Lord will have us do.

To sum it up: We have no idea what we are doing!!!! It should be fun!!


Hey!! I was wondering if any of you have used Vonage before. Positives? Negatives?

Since we're already getting cable internet we think this would be the best deal for our phone service.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

it's happening!!!

We are signing the papers tomorrow. We found a place on the south side of Indy about 10-15 minutes from downtown. Heather and I are so relieved and happy. We've been waiting for this for....ever! Thanks for all the prayers. And please don't stop! This is just the start of a new beginning for the Miller clan. Woo-hoo!!

The place is a little small, but it is pretty cheap and that rocks!! It is going to make that part of the transition soo much easier.

Please pray that I keep my butt in gear. I want Heather to have to do as little as possible in the packing and moving phase.

The babies been kicking a lot more. I still haven't felt it. Every time she calls me over the little bugger stops and then starts up again after I leave. I'll have to catch'em off guard. hehe!


Sunday, March 07, 2004

house hunting, soul searching...

..and continuing to reflect on where I am right now and how I got here. Not dwelling on mistakes mind you. Just being honest with myself about where I am and praying that God will show me the me that He sees.

If I am to be about discipling others I must first be honest about where I am at as a disciple. I must also remember that it isn't so much about where I am as it is about the journey itself.

Also, please pray about the house hunting. Heather, Shane, Mikah and Kiara and I are all going to Indy tomorrow to apply for a place on the South side and also do a bit more looking around. If we are approved for this place and we don't find something that suites us better it will only be a little over a week until we are living in Indianapolis. Woo hoo!!!

Thursday, March 04, 2004


By now you probably realize that I am full of searching questions and struggle off and on in this journey.

Story of your life huh?

In this season Heather and I find ourselves in - our journey has lead outside of our local ‘church’. It’s lonely. It has confirmed to us our need and the purpose for you the Church though.

I can not express enough how much all of you have meant and continue to mean to us.

I question often if leaving was the right thing, but I am reaffirmed that there are things that Heather and I are to learn that we would not have been able to learn there.

Satan…now there’s someone we don’t blog about much. Satan is obviously trying to rape this vulnerable point of our journey and have his way with it, but we press on....

With Luther I say, “’Sir Devil, I am not afraid of you. I have a Friend whose name is Jesus Christ, in whom I believe. He has abolished the Law, condemned sin, vanquished death, and destroyed hell for me. He is bigger than you, Satan. He has licked you, and holds you down. You cannot hurt me.’ This is the faith that overcomes the devil.”

And as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

more thoughts and questions

In the New Testament I read a lot about Christ, Paul etc. calling those they passed to repent. "The Kingdom of God is at hand."

Experience shows us that pointing the law, their sins, out to the world seems to push them away.

(I'm just thinking out loud here)

Tracts and big 'evangelism' events and going to see the Passion aren't any kind of a 'tool' outside of a relationship with the Church. (you/me in mission with them) Loving relationships. Compassion. A listening ear. My/our seeing there need or needs. Isn't this what Christ did?

I know he is already at work in people's lives that none of us are in relationship with, but it seems to me that Christ did more meeting the needs of people, loving them, healing them, eating with them, traveling with them, dieing for them and accepting them than he did ?preaching? to them. I do believe He was continuously teaching though.

When I look at the early Church I see that Paul always had return visits.

The Church emerges somewhere and there are those who remain there to be in relationship with those in the surrounding community. There is no way that all that were converted in a particular community were the only ones to come into the Church. "they added to their number daily."

They will know us by our love for one another.

He WILL add to our numbers daily.

I'm not sure why I needed to right all this down for myself...

I did see late last night on a 'Christian' TV channel (whatever that is) someone quoting Martin Luther and saying something about sects within the Christian community that do not call for fear of the Law. (I can't remember what the quote was, but it was from his commentary on Galations and probably from chapter 2. Now that I do a little reading, I think they misquoted him or really took the quote out of context and turned it around.) The people on TV pointed out how Christ used the Law as a mirror to show people why they needed to repent and be forgiven.

I don't know. All I do know is that those around me are only going to see some validity in my message if I am living that message out. Keeping in mind God is always at work in their lives.

I think my job is to be loving (the kind of loving that is only learned from Christ), accepting and compassionate and allow Christ to convict the hearts of those outside of the Church. Making my message oral only in the midst of relationships. Otherwise I am just another guy with another view trying to tell people how to be. Ya know? How close those relationships have to be is not something to presume. God will open that up. If I try and be too strategic about anything I just step all over myself and make a mess.


This is not some attempt at being philosophical, but a sincere question I am asking in light of Lent and of looking once again and closer at what Christ did on the Cross.

What does it mean to be a Christian today? What is evangelism? What is a disciple and what is discipleship?

Wednesday, March 03, 2004


A local church is hosting a labyrinth throughout Lent. I finally had my first experience today. It was actually set up using the Prayer Path kit which is a collaborative production of Group Publishing and the Labyrinth team which of course includes the infamous Jonny Baker.

A wonderful experience and something I plan to do again before Lent is over and something I hope I get to do again and again throughout my walk. I don’t want to say too much about my experience other than it was just wonderful.

** When I add 'align="left"' to the image link in my post the image does not show up in my blog. It will show up in the post section of my Blogger edit page, but not here. What's up with that? Any suggestions?

Monday, March 01, 2004

the cube

A colourful online worship resource.

Thanks go to Julie Poe for this link.

‘paralysis of analysis’ and the limit of these very words

I spent some time meditating and praying on my stuckness yesterday. On what the cross and the suffering means to me. To you. To everyone.

I do not have to understand all nor do I believe that my understanding is a complete view of what is there. There are things you do not see when you look out of a window. What you see is there, but there is so much more out there to be seen and experienced.

First thing is that I have not been conversing with the father as I should be. And I have gotten stuck from trying to verbalize, systematize and sterilize my faith. I have not meditated on the cross and the suffering and the forgiveness for a while.

I read that Gibson said that he wished he could tell people to enjoy the film, but he knew that no one ever did.

I did not enjoy it at all. It was a good film, but between the film, Lent and the Holy Spirit I have not been able to look away from the awfulness of what I saw. What I have believed for most of my life that Christ went through.

I am right. It doesn’t make since. George you are right in your comment. What Christ did, especially since He was God and had the power to stop it all, did not make since to my human mind.

What I put my faith in is this:

While he hung up there, after being placed up there by the ones that He came to love, He forgave them. He knew He would be rejected by the world and yet He continued to love. In life and in death. And on into eternity.

Knowing full well these people, you and I, all that we have done and still do, He loves us. He loves us as we are, not as we should be. None of us are as we should be.

I put my faith in that love. That man. That God.

I pray that I am but an image of that. I pray that I never look away from that again.

No way of doing things. No heavy yoke should I invite people to as part of the Church. Just that love and acceptance. Respect and companionship. I pray for any and everyone’s forgiveness everyday - every moment that I fall short of that. Anything other than that that I try to invite people into as the Church is the very reason they do not come. Anytime I perceive and act as though my marriage is to be anything less or more than that it ceases to grow and mature. I begin to expect things and am disappointed.

I ask Heather and my Abba and all of you to forgive me for doing that and for the things that I am sure to do in a life time and eternity of walking together.

As much as we all need and want a love such as this the world tends to reject it. As I begin to walk closer to and with Christ and more and more I die to myself and begin loving like this the more that much of the world will reject me.

It is a dangerous thing to love.

I am thankful I am not in this alone.