First Fervor

Reading In the Spirit of Happiness this morning in the tub the monks seemed to be speaking to me.

In the second chapter of the book called “First Fervor” the monks speak of the beginning of their spiritual journey and prayer life and compare it to the ‘honeymoon’ stage of falling in love.

“A guest at the monastery was speaking with one of the novices one day, describing his recent conversion to Orthodoxy. ‘It’s been such a blessing, you just can’t imagine! I feel such support from the people in the parish-totally different from where I formerly went to church. And the services, well, they’ve made such a difference in my prayer life! For the first time in so long, God feels very, very close.’

The novice listened politely , having a good sense to recognize that the individual was on a religious “high,” and not wanting to belittle that. He had experienced something similar himself, and he understood that in the context of conversion this is something all of us go through. Yet it illustrates perfectly the dynamic involved whenever we make a serious change for the better. Our emotional reaction is profound and often exaggerated, and we naturally overflow with unbridled gratitude. For a time, we live with a palpable sense of God’s presence, as a pungent and pervasive as the finest incense. We fall in love with God, for a while, everything is wonderful.

So this is a legitimate, powerful, inner awakening that always happens at the time of conversion. The temptation here, however, is to think that we have arrived when actually we are just beginning. Even in a monastery, novices will encounter this to one degree or another as they begin their new life dedicated to God. It takes a lot of hard work to attain a broader perspective.”

Most of you have been on this journey for sometime and I know I do not need to point out to those who have been coming here for a while that for a long period I was on that high. Having discovered that there were new/old, more authentic ways of expressing myself as part of the Church. New/old ways of living life with Him. All the talk about meal sharing, community, and living life together etc. etc..

I was so excited about this new WAY OF LIFE. I was making a conscious decision to step out of a way of life that was not much of a life style at all and into something more real. Something fuller.

The thing is I have not done it yet. We haven’t.

At least that is what I thought.

I think what has happened and is happening is that, and you have read my recent frustrations that past few months, the high has gone. It is becoming a reality that we have not arrived and that this way of life is just that. Real life on the way. It sucks sometimes. Like marriage, life with Christ isn’t this ever-blissful journey like an infinite honeymoon. It takes work.

“The rewards of heaven, and what - ultimately - we shall get from our labors, these monastic tradition leaves to God. It knows that whether we are monks or not, each of us is called to happiness - true happiness - the sort of happiness that stands up to the tempestuous nature of everyday life. This kind of happiness comes only through the integrity and maturity that result from sustained spiritual effort, and not from more transitory pleasures that may come to us in the course of our lives. And though the particular spiritual path each of us follows will vary according to the context in which we live, nevertheless, they are all pointed in the same direction.”

I don’t think I need to say that the glitter is gone from what was once the fresh face of the ‘emerging church’ and what is left is everyday life. Sometimes alone, sometimes with you, sometimes cool and exciting, but mostly mundane, but by choice always lived with Him.

People are rude. Personalities clash. I can really be an ass. But we love merely to love. This is wisdom gained. There is true happiness found in that. When I love for personal gain it is not love and happiness fades when I do not get what I was striving for.

We will love God for God’s sake. No other.

As I am called closer and closer to Him it becomes a realization that the greatest walls between us are the illusions that when I don’t feel Him and life is just not all to wonderful that He is not there. Further growth makes it more and more clear that Christ is always here. No matter what I am feeling or not feeling He is there. Always present. Always a present.

Not that I claim to have reached....perfection already. But I keep going on....I do not consider myself to have grasped it full even now. But I do concentrate on this: I forget all that lies behind me and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, I go straight for the goal - my reward the honor of my high calling by God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14)

I like the Message translation:

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me.

Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus.

I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

peace