More thoughts and questions about "church":

First off, I realize when I talk about getting out of the church building and being church to the rest of the world, that it seems to be lip service to me when most of the time I am at home with the children. And I don't mean that I think my job as a parent is one of little of importance. Heavens no! I just don't feel like I have really helped touch any lives outside of the church. But I do realize that there is this BIG world out there that needs Christ and needs us to BE outside of the "Church" on Sunday.

I've only just begun asking questions and trying to see what God wants for the world and for his blessed Church.

Why have we done "church" the way we have done it for so long? Where in scripture do we get a Sunday service and all that takes place in it? I'm sure that the early Christian set and asked themselves, "what should we be doing when we meet together?" My question is were they not "Church" before they decided on an answer? Was it not growing before they decided to set and ask this question? And my definition of growing is lives being touched by Jesus Christ through the love, humility, and brokenness of his bride.

I don't think that having pastors is bad. I don't think that having a large building to meet in is bad. I don't think that the traditional Church is bad. I believe I am here and alive today because of Christ being at work in and through those people. And that is just it-it's the people. Not a service structured in whatever way or the fact that God has blessed us with the building or really good sermons. It was the relationships and the conversations. We must have time to set and say thank you Lord as a group, but when there is so much red-tape to get through before we can do this or that even if Christ is leading something is wrong. It becomes something other than the relationships and Christ working through them and we just get frustrated. At least I am.......I feel like a Timothy without a Paul.......when it has become what feels like a business that things have to be so organized because of all the red tape and everyones lives are so busy, I want to STOP..........................I want to light a candle and have some time with God. I want to go sit down with a cup of coffee and talk about my kids. My wants. My hurts. I want to listen to you. I want to serve the Lord! Full-time. I don't, EVER, want to be a preacher. Many men in my family are and were pastors. They are good men who have touched many lives by serving the Lord, but all the red-tape sucks! I want to serve the Lord's Church (full-time), but it will be by being me.

For the past eight months or so, I have been feeling the Lord tug on my heart to realize he wants my service. He has placed a burden on my heart for a hurting world. I have been up many a night pulling my hair out (no bald jokes!) trying to answer the question of what I am to do with my life. (I had been looking at it from a career stand point). I have concluded after much prayer and while typing this post that what the Lord wants me to do.........after all this time searching and frustrated, asking the question, "how can the Lord use me?"...............what does he want me to do with my life?.......................to love him with all my heart and being and to love my neighbor...Duh!