I hate it when I have a short fuse! I yelled at Mikah too much today. Poor guy. His dad feels like he's having a mid life crises at 25 and he probably feels like he got the brunt of it today.

A long time ago I convinced myself I would never be able to hack going to college. And now that I feel that is probably the route I am to take for my family it's hard convincing myself otherwise. On top of this I don't even know for sure what i should go in for. It will probably have something to do with computers and I will probably need to be able to start working after an associates degree.

I just feel like such a disappointment to Heather and the family. I know I'm not. It's really me who is disappointed in me. Heather and I made a decision about a year ago that she would work and I would stay home with the kids. It was great at first. I was real good with the kids. 100% of my attention was on them ya' know? We had even been thinking about home-schooling the kids. But a while back I started really needing a closer relationship with God. I started feeling and seeing the lack of 'Church' in our church. My mind has been going 100 miles an hour ever since. I need those relationships that we just don't have, but should have in the Church. We have found them more in all of you than we have been able to find here. Of course she works and the kids and I haven't really gotten out a whole lot. At least to socialize. On top of all this we have ended up back at my parents place about a month ago or so. I don't think I've actually blogged about that. I think I've been a little embarrassed by it.

So, I want to serve the church full time.(not as a profession mind you. As my life) I need to put food on the table and a roof over my families heads. I haven't been the Daddy or husband that I have been and want to be. And on top of it the humbling experience of moving back into my parents place. I feel like a jack ass. I'm 25.............(i throw up my hands)

In Heather's post she says, "look for the good in every situation". That would be the fact that we choose to be polished and not ground down by this period of time. We want to serve the Lord. We look to him and you the Church for guidance. We will persevere. And another good is that the Lord gives Heather the love to put up with my crap.

Please pray for us.