The Core of my matter

Anyone who reads this or speaks to me in any form knows that I have been struggling with finding my place in the kingdom. You've heard my frustrations with my experience of church. You may have also noticed that I have been more than frustrated and that I've posted many times in the past about just 'being' and about all the postmodern-organic-simple-small-group-on-a-journey-kinda ways of doing Church and blah blah blah and yada yada yada.

Now recent conversations(one being from a movie), posts, and comments have made me realize some of my pitfalls and things I have been doing with good intentions, but have caused more frustration than anything.

First I realized that I had been taking all of the thoughts and answers and articles and books and taking from them that they were THE 'answers' to our problems here and the problems of the 'whole' church. Obviously this is wrong.

Second, I was reminded about my need for a tribe. MY need to be part of a "small, committed order or team on a journey rather than be an attender in a large, impersonal worship service." It isn't just that I believe this is what those around us are looking for and that this is how we can 'reach' them. This is what I need! I want it for me! I want and need to be discipled and I realize that this, for me, is the best way to do that over all.

I've been trying to keep up with conversations and theories from those who have been at this longer than I have and I just can't do it. And that's Ok, Scotty! Brad, Andrew, Mclaren, Sweet, Mark and whom ever else have been doing this for a long time and they didn't get where they are at now over night. And they sure as Heaven didn't get there by just reading books and blogs about it. They began in their own homes, relationships and communities. I have done nothing, but rant and rave and cry out for answers to all the questions that come in daily.

I watched the movie The Core last night. This conversation made things all come together in my brain for what ever reason.

Dr. Keyes -- "Oh, God, this all seems too big, doesn't it?"

Serge -- "I think you were attempting the impossible. You were trying to save the world, and it's overwhelming.

I came here to save my wife and my two children and....six billion lives--it's too much.

I just hope I'm smart enough and brave enough to save three."

So, Scotty is going to focus on my family, my friends, on what Jesus is already doing there. I will just focus on loving you and him and her and try not to worry about whether I am being 'strategic' or not.

Duh, huh?