The Journey

I had a thought. Nope. It’s gone....Oh, there it is.

As far as I see that I have come as a whole person over the past 4 years or so I realize how much I still struggle with all things. When you are on drugs you don’t get real far growth wise. It was actually more like a backwards motion. In four years of being clean and trying to follow Christ I realize that I am still Scotty. I still struggle with stupid, petty things. I still am selfish. I still run thoughts around in my head and in my blog and get nowhere. It’s kinda like why I am bad at ‘Axis and Allies’ and chess. I know all the moves. I know the goal. I see the enemy. Though, in these games you have to be able to think moves ahead. I am no good at this. And I will forget 3 moves from now what my plan was. No good when you are trying to save the world from the tyranny of your brother-in-law. You have to be able to look at the board and know which way to go. I can’t in ’Axis and Allies’. I can in ’Risk’. Risk isn’t as complex. I need someone there during Axis and Allies to remind me what I’m doing. Someone who is better at looking further down the road. Someone to fill in the gaps where what I am good at isn’t good enough.

Kinda sounds like Church....

Any way, I forgot what I was saying....oh. I forget that what all I’ve been babbling about all this time in my blog....what it comes down to is that *I need discipled. I....we are not growing where we are at.* We realize it is not just about us and our needs, but about others in the church as well. About those who still have yet see the love of Christ. I truly believe that we will naturally grow in a more natural form of Church. The form of 'a small group on a journey together'. I look at how Christ discipled his followers and remember that it is not Christ that has changed, but the Church. I don’t feel I can help these specific people here at FBC until I have grown. I don’t know how to help them in this context right now. If I could ever have time to have coffee or set around a table with any of them to just converse and share life together....I believe there would be growth. Not mine or that persons doing, but Christ’s. No one takes time together. Except the one-third of the church that is all related to each other.(we live in a small town)

I get frustrated when my only link to the outside world is here. The web. Especially when I stop giving input or getting it from you.

I can’t wait to get to Indy and ’shake off our feet’. What we are doing here, to me, is exactly what Alan Creech was referring to as “rehashing ways of doing things, slightly reworking them and never really changing ” - and yes, that is insanity.