our hope-filled odyssey

Ok, not sure where all this will go....

Sometime in 2002 the Lord really pressed on my heart to come into a deeper relationship with him and also to see that there were many lives not being reached by my expression of what a Christian is and the Church as a whole in my experience. “What Is Jesus Doing?” I realized was a better question to be asking.

I was attending the American Baptist church that I grew up in. I began getting more involved with Bible study groups and even tried my hand at teaching the senior high youth class. Which Scotty is just not equipped to do when it comes to teacher up here - student down there settings. I didn’t like it that way. Thought it needed to be more leveled out as just a conversation. Blah blah blah.

Word of my passion for those who don’t know Christ reached the mission committee. So, I was on the committee for a bit....yuk!....I got out of there ASAP! It makes me sad thinking about how missions is looked at. What it is viewed as being.

At the beginning of 2003 I began looking to see what Scotty wanted to be when he grew up. I’ve got a little family now ya know? In a search via the internet one evening a want add or something came up for a position with some mission sending agency. After a few links I ended up at the IMB website and somewhere in there was this page with a picture on it where a family was all seated on a couch in a living room. The page was for something about some form of training for cross cultural missions. I remember crying and trying to tell Heather that night about how I just knew that somehow and some way the Lord was going to use us in ‘missions‘. In fulltime ministry....

Began searching for what I might want to go to school for that could be of use in the ‘mission field’ somewhere....

The war was beginning in Iraq. I found a link to Salam Pax’s blog via Yahoo news. After a couple of days of clicking links it occurred to me that this blog thing would be a wonderful outlet for ministry. As Christians putting ourselves out there openly and honestly about our life - our journey. I did a search for Christian bloggers and...hmm (shaking my head and smiling)...the very first blog I clicked on was Tallskinnykiwi. :^)

I think it was March 27th. There was a picture of Bea at the Peach with red hair. I began emailing Andrew almost immediately. It wasn’t long before he was telling me I needed to get my own blog. LOL! I think I was clogging his email box with questions. :^) Even before I began blogging and on into it I was emailing other bloggers with my thoughts and questions and worries and more and more questions.

At some point we were invited down to Dallas by Josh and Kristen Rudd. Then we were invited to move down. The three Rudds, by the way, are the coolest little fam! Josh and Kristen are both the same age as me, but I have OH so much that could be learned from them. There was a long period where Heather and I were sure that was going to be where we were in the very short future. The Lord has other plans as far as we can tell. We’ve been down to Dallas though. The Thames at LGBC are...(sniff sniff)...the most loving people. Amazing! Everyone we met down there...man. (shaking my head) If we don’t ever move down there, at least somewhere close, Heather and I will be greatly disappointed. And we got to meet Shannon and Brad! I don’t even know where to begin with them....I just want to say that...I don’t know. You guyz rock so incredibly much! (and we are really sorry we missed Jessica by something like a week) You are all family.

We experienced a loss this year. (sigh) I’m glad we were in Dallas with all of them when this happened. I know that sounds weird that we were more comfortable there with people we were just getting to know than folks here, but we were so loved by all of them. (Heather really wanted her Mommy though) Dawn....you are an amazing individual!

We are pregnant again! And as Brad would say, “Harooh! Hoorah! Hooray!”

I wont go on to speaking about our worries because I just want ya’ll to know we feel blessed. We struggled, more this year than any other, but we are truly blessed.

Mikah’s almost in school and Kiara is talking like crazy. They amaze me everyday with who they are. I smile to think that they were made in the image of our God.

And Heather....(moment to reflect and wipe a tear)...Good golly! She is the nuts and the bolts the Lord uses to keep this little fam together. The one that grounds me. She kicks me in the rump when I’m being a fool. She is beautiful and by far the most amazing person I have ever met. I have seen Christ’s work in her like I have seen in no other. She is so not the same girl I began dating almost six years ago. The person she has become in and through Christ is so amazing to me. Man! I would truly be lost without her. She is my best friend.

We have taken a step back from our church experience and asked, ”what are we doing here?” and “what are we supposed to be doing?”. Not just “what are the Millers doing?”, but we have really asked this year for the first time and are continuing to discover ourselves along the way by asking, “what is church?” I really needed to take a step out of the boat and look at who and what we are in Christ.

We haven’t been to First Baptist in a few weeks. It makes me sad, but I suppose it’s kinda like leaving home for the first time. We need real, face-to-face, relationships though.

That is what I want for us in 2004. God has blessed us with all of you. We’ve discovered we are Not Alone. Now the Millers need to get on living our life ‘with’ some of you. Some of you we may only be able to make pilgrimages once a year to see. For others we will most likely be moving a little closer to get to journey together with you for a while....

Of course it is going to be everyday kinda stuff we are going to experience together. Well, at least everyday kinda stuff in the Kingdom. Regular human and relational issues being dealt with. I think that’s where relevance is seen by the rest of the world. That’s why I’ve learned that ‘relevance’ isn’t an important issue. If we are living it, together, the way we should....the rest of the world will see Christ in each of us. As we are living together - seeing Christ ALIVE in each of us.

I look forward to seeing the “world in new and wonderful ways, filled with hope.”

I look forward to the adventures we will have on this odyssey.

May you all be blessed in 2004.

*(ps - i still don't know what I want to be when i grow up, but i think i'm just going to go about it searching for 'how' to be)

"'emerging' into what?"

I think that is a better question to be asking ourselves.

In Alan’s post on Dec. 26 he addresses talk “about the term ‘emerging,’ referring to the emerging church.”

A few quotes:

“trying to get to the heart of the matter - what IS the church? Why is it here? All the answers we have EVER been given are on the chopping block - they won't do simply because they are there. So, we lay them all down and we pick them up one by one and ask, "why is this here?" - "is this legitimate?" - "does this harm or help?" - and the big one - ‘does this or that help to effectively form me and those whom I am bound together with into the image of Jesus Christ?’”

“I am not talking about one model over another. I am not advocating ‘house church’ over ‘cell church’ or whatever. The only reason I would ever suggest anyone look at any model whatsoever is if I thought somehow, part of that model caught a glimpse of the core of the matter better than another perhaps - so look at that - please! But don't just look to find things that seem cool and copy them - damn! Jump off the cliff and hit the freakin' rocks below and die a bloody death to everything before! Do it now!!! If you do not, you will never ever know if any of it is good and healthy and formational or not. ”

“If you die that death, allow God to slowly resurrect you, and then end up with a building - awesome!! But DO NOT simply refuse to question whether or not it is legitimate to have a building as a "church"! Don't do that. Don't simply refuse to question paid staff ministry because "that's all I was ever trained to do" and you're afraid you won't be able to support your family - DON'T do that! Wow! We can't get past the front door to see the street! It's NOT about models or labels or styles of worship - crap, crap! It's about busting it all down because it really, really has not worked very well - a good deal of it - and allowing God to rebuild it - ALL of it - for us, through us, in us. So, doing it the same old way with new garb on is not going to cut it. Not allowing yourself to question pretty much everything because of fear will not get it done. This is it. This is what is ‘emerging.’ I'm sure other things are too, but this is what I'm seeing and hearing and doing - trying to do.”

And in the conversation in the comments for that post Alan says, “So, our answers are not in essay form but in the form of action. These aren't generally seen so it's understandable that many would think we have none. None of that was meant to be a ‘how to’ for this new journey. There is no ‘how to.’ We just keep searching, praying, listening and doing.”

My thoughts:

“We just keep searching, praying, listening and doing.” ‘We’….that is much of what Church is. Isn’t it? It is a living, breathing organism that is prone to ‘growth’ and change. The Church has emerged. It is emerging. And it will continue to do so as long as there are people who think for themselves and continue “searching, praying, listening and doing.” It is the ever-emergent Church.

(chopping Alan's post up does not do it justice - click over to his blog and peruse it yourself) - I knew I would be able to use the word 'peruse' sometime today.

The humble and edifying confession of one who refuses to die a rock-star’s death

Before I begin I want to make clear that drinking alcohol is not something that I have allowed myself to do often as to not make a bad habit of something that could have been enjoyed.

But, alas, I must confess. The first hour I was awake this morning I was crying like crazy. I awoke, thank God, to find that I had vomited in my sleep. Heather said she could not get me to wake up. She stayed up half the night watching over her fool of a husband.

I’m not sure how much I drank. I’m sure it was not as much as you are probably thinking, but being that I do not drink often or much when I do it didn’t have to be a whole lot. It was too much though. I remember playing cards and then.......nothing. Just waking up this morning to the scary realization of the filth that alcohol brings out of me.

My head is hung in shame today (partly because of the headache, but mostly shame). I have found it hard to look at anyone. As many of you know for a few years of my life I lived on drugs and alcohol. How foolish of me to think it safe to stroll on that cliff edge.

From this day forward I will no longer be drinking. So if I am in your home and you ask me to sit and have a drink with you, which I pray you would not do after reading this, do not be offended when I decline. I just want to be alive to enjoy your company another day. Besides I have not sold any hit records yet and therefore I do not think it fitting that I die a rock star’s death.

It is so not ok that I let this happen. I am so hesitant to post this, but I am having a really hard time forgiving myself. I know by making this confession I am open to judgment and condemnation, but no one could condemn me more harshly than I am right now.

It is my intent to serve our God alongside each of you and I am in no position to be doing that if I am not wise enough to learn from this and move on.

As tears begin to well up I want to beg of you not to hate me for this or look on me as one who is unable to serve. Please forgive me. I am not prone to drunkenness. Only prone to be a half-wit.

I’m really sorry. I really disappoint myself sometimes.

Again, I am SO not ok with this.

a heart for the least of these

Please go and read Asa's blog post for December 26. It is the voice of a compassionate and loving heart that hurts.

proud/blessed to be in the family

Heather and I are so blessed by my grandparents and their family. We gathered for Christmas yesterday at their home and had Church. It is so wonderful to be part of a family who celebrates the Emanuel (God with us).

We all gathered in the living room. Grandpa read the Christmas story from his Bible and afterward we all sang silent night. Before we proceeded to the gift giving my aunt Nina stood up. She had a bag filled with misc. Celtic styled crosses. Each of the couples were to reach in to the bag and grab a cross. After we picked out the cross we told what we were going to give to Christ for his birthday in the coming year. There was much weeping and lots of tissues. Then my Grandfather felt pressed to give his observation of what he had heard from all of us. He said that he heard all of us struggling with the separation of the secular and religious parts of our lives and our need to realize that they are not separate. He pointed out that each of us were so obviously, from the depths of us, trying to find or hear what God would have us be and do with our lives as gifts to Him in response to His gift to us. Grandpa beamed as he said that he believed that the coming year would be a revival, if you will, in our family and would be the catalyst to many revivals to come.

My thoughts…my Grandparent’s home was Church to their family. Their children were discipled in their home and lives from childhood. Because my grandparents struggled to press on in their journey as they have I am at where I am in my journey. I am grateful for that gift.

I had a thought last night that many people like those in my family do not realize that after they go home from Church ’service’ on Sunday mornings they go home to Church. Many others in our churches don’t go home to that and therefore are not raised up as some are privileged to be. I pray that those who are privileged to go home to be ’raised up’ will realize that blessing and pass it on to those who are not….

May we realize it is our job as parents, brothers and sister in Christ to disciple those we are in relationship with. May we not leave it to anyone else.

exeGeses

Ok. Numerous books on Christian subjects were given to my grandfolks and I was told to look through them and take what I wanted. One of my family members told me that I should grab the "exeGeses parallel Bible". So, I picked it up and brought it home.....I need some help here. It seems to me that what it has done is taken the KJV, translated and transliterated some words they didn't find were translated and transliterated correctly and have, what they claim to be, a presentation "written with awe and reverence in the classic contemporary language of today."

I mean I like the 'exegeses' in there. It's good info, that I assume to be accurate being uneducated, but the rest of it.....I don't know.

What is it that is to be translated? The exact letter or the message/story? Is this really helpful to the common person? I thought that an "exegesis is the careful, systematic study of the Scripture to discover the original, intended meaning." The everyday-non-expert person, like myself (who does desire to be discipled) is not always trained the best at this.

What is it that is not to be added to or taken away from? The message or each individual letter? Is a literal transliteration necessary? Is this really a literal translation and transliteration? Is the 'exegesis' in the left column even accurate?

It is something new I have never come across before and I am leery of it.

Thoughts? Advice? Comments?

I've also picked up "The Training of the Twelve" by A. B. Bruce. Have any of you read this?

Beginning Again or 'There and Back Again'

I can not sleep.

Talk about wanting to run forward and not being content with where we are on the journey...thoughts about what God has me right here-right now for. Where it is he’s leading us and....incomplete thoughts.

If you’ve been coming here and reading my blog for even a short time you will have noticed much frustration. Lot’s of questions. Confusion. Much going in circles. Searching.

I am thankful my heart is wrestles with want to serve, but I realize in my coming from much discontentment in my church life a year ago and discovering this ’conversation’ within the ’emergent’ Church I was awakened to potentials of life and love and service that I have only ever hungered for, but never seen realized in my own setting.

I’ve grown to know and love many of you.

I have been very discontent the past few months. Discontent to the point of tears...anger...at times almost depression.

What is it Scott? Hmm? What are you looking for on this journey?

jour·ney 1. The act of traveling from one place to another; a trip. 2. A process or course likened to traveling; a passage: the journey of life.

What is that ‘other place‘? Hmm...it is a journey to a place I don’t believe will be seen in this life. Or is that the right way to look at it?

In Philippians 3:14 Paul says, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” -nas

The Message says, “I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.”

When we pray, “on earth as it is in Heaven” we mean that don’t we? Don’t you Scotty?

I am very much aware that I will be “pressing on” all the days of this life, but why the discontentment that has brought anger and almost depression?

I am pretty sure at this moment (3:03am 12/24/03) that it is because I have lost sight of “the goal”. At some point I was just running in circles like a chicken with it’s head cut off. (you can imagine the chicken’s frustration) I took my focus off of Christ. I slowly moved further and further away from my relationship and worship of Him till all that I was left doing was asking questions and running in circles and not getting the direction I needed because my eyes were on that head that I had cut off myself.

Obviously my Christ is still with me or I would not have found my way to here.

So, I go to him on my knees and begin to move forward from there.

I don’t know where He will lead this little family and I. I have thought and spoke and typed so much about wanting to be raised up to be a leader in His ever-emerging Church, but I just want to live to be who he says that I am. I hope that each day I have a chance to serve. I look at the lives of people like Andrew, Brad, Shannon, the Stuarts and so many others and I desire to be of as much help to people as they are, but I can not plan that life. I feel like school of some form is in my future....that scares me. I was never good at school even when I showed up. But I don’t know what I am to do besides continue working whatever job the Lord blesses me with and loving my family, you and of course loving our God along the way. Serving in whatever context I can for today. If at some point, by some miracle, I am being a good enough example to be considered a leader at that moment for that person or peoples....cool, but I’ll let the byproducts of my life lived in Him come as they will.

Before I stop....Riley is right. I am thankful for the birth of Jesus. I am thankful for his death and resurrection. But may we remember this Christmas is just the beginning....

me wife...

....always has a way of letting me know when i am being a fool.

I am blessed and grateful for the gift that is Heather. She is my best friend.

the Fleadom

I want to introduce everyone to my cousin Asa(and also the Best Man @ my wedding). He is now blogging from Bogata, Colombia. He went there earlier this month to work at an orphanage that is positioned very much in the thick of it there.

A sample of his blog:

Yesterday I saw an old man robbed at gunpoint, thirty feet from the children´s home front door. A couple hours later we took food up the mountain to the refugees displaced by the druglords. There was at least 2000 people there. We only had 400 bags of groceries. Pray that the Lord multiplies our tiny offering.

Please be praying for Asa and the children there.

The gift, gifts and giving

"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
Not so much to be understood as to understand;
Not so much to be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

- St. Francis of Assisi

"You know of Jesus of Nazareth ....... how He went about doing good and healing ....... for God was with Him. - Acts 10:38

breathe in....

"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body.

Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch?

All this time and money wasted on fashion - do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop,

but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving.

People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works.

Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

The Message Matthew 6:25 - 34

....breathe out

i'm sorry I don't go to my knees more

Oh....please pray for me folks. I’ve worked general labor jobs since high school and at the present time there is just not a lot of those right in front of me. I’ve been applying for everything under the sun and it is just a little frustrating when you can’t get hardly any interviews because of the holidays....(sigh)

I hate that I have let it get to this point. I had been working a seasonal job and should have been looking for future work a long time ago. And now with another little one on the way....

I start to ask God if he is sure he knows what he is doing by putting these lives in my hands, but....I realize that they are never out of his.

Please pray. I really need work. Pray for this growing little family....that their daddy would grow as he needs to, to care for them as he is called.

May we continue to put our hope in the Lord and may our children learn from this.

the fam

You've gotta see pics of my wonderful kids over @ Heather's blog.

another day....lookin' for a dollar

I am in Arcadia right now. I am staying with my Grandfolks while I look for work in Indianapolis. I'll probably be staying here during the work week until we get moved down. It's only day one and I really miss Heather and the kiddoes. It's kinda cool talking to her on the phone....reminds me of when we were dating ;>)

Didn't get as much accomplished as I wanted today. Feeling poorly....kinda slowed me down. I have some folks I want to meet when I'm down here, but I'm feelin' pretty rotten at the mo and I really need to use my energy to find some work.

Please pray for my little family. We are really being humbled right now......(sigh)....please pray.

I am luvin' brad's last few posts.

"my calling is to primary work, I want to think it through and interpret situations for myself first - not have a lot of other peoples' answers when I don't even know my own questions yet."

"Everyone has their own passionate idea about the style that is "right." We get excited about what excites us, and we want everyone to share in that excitement. But we go beyond that to conformity when we pressure people to do it because we "know" it's the "right" way."

"whatever our hopes, fears, self-doubts, longings, gifts, talents ... are we letting God work out the kinks in us so we have the character of His son being formed inside, and are we giving ourselves grace to grow instead of guilt for our flaws? those are questions worth asking every day ..."

"pray we give each other the freedom to use the tools we need and to think about our experiences critically, in line with our privilege of demonstrating Christ's Kingdom on earth."

"i think we don't give ourselves permission to be who we really are - but we desperately desperately need to."

I need what brad calls, "tools for developing your own understanding of culture".

.....my little family luvs ya brad. And yes! It's worth it. We are thankful for who you are and thankful that you get up day after day to be.....you! Love ya.

NOTE on Arcadia, Indiana: This is the little town Ryan White went to school.

Salam

Hearing this news of Saddam being captured I pray for the people of Iraq. I pray that the Sunnis would realize their ability to be a part in HELPING the country and it’s people. I pray that children and mothers and soldiers can sleep a little easier. I pray for the hearts of the Christians there. I pray that the people would make use of their freedom to write and speak. I pray that the US and British would not pound their chests too much about this.

I pray for peace.....salam

shalom

To You

Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me,
why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?

more Whitman

Carpe Diem

from Whitman

O me! O life! of the question of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless,
of cities fill'd with the foolish...
What good amid these O me, O life?

Answer
That you are here--That life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

KEATING in Dead Poet's Society

"That the powerful play goes on,
and you may contribute a verse."
What will your verse be?

maybe it's just me...

Thoughts about [re]thinking leadership, preaching, community and such.....I think that often times (we) I can get caught up in talking about this [way] of doing/being church for today. Conversations, articles, emails, comments, whole websites and so on about ‘house’ church vs. ‘traditional’ church. ‘Leadership’ vs. no ‘leadership’. ‘Preacher’ vs. no ‘preacher‘.

Notice the ‘vs.’....

I know that a lot of folks' blog, mine has been one of them, is used often to rant about this or that. It lets us get some frustration out. There is a problem that can occur. If a lot of my resources and conversations are on the internet and via these blogs....starting out, I can be ‘taught’ that it has to be one or the other by the same folks who are saying “we are one”.

Bill’s posted some quotes from Bonhoeffer’s "Life Together":

"The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together. When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself.”

I went through a period, and I am still trying to shake it off, where I felt that the way this local ‘traditional’ church does things is completely wrong and that they should try doing it this way. I felt as though what I saw going on in the ‘emerging’, ‘simple’, ‘house’ church thing was the best possible answer to all the problems that were at FBC and any other church for that matter.

What I realized is that all these conversations, the blog posts were from people with names and faces and stories of there own who are on a journey. They sometimes will post some frustrations. They sometimes will right articles and be wrong. A lot of those in this sphere are part of church planting movements and new church plants and they are just having an honest conversation on how to do things. Asking how leadership should look in there context. Should they have a pastor. So on and on....

The problem I think has come in when persons or groups come up with answers for there specific community or culture and feel it is THE answer. They go about telling it to everyone and trying to sell their “ideal of community”. We all do this at some point. May God forgive us for missing the point.

If what I (we) are doing isn’t pointing to The One....it is pointing to ourselves probably.

In my situation, I see that a lot of people need to separate there idea and experience of ‘church’ from God. Those who do not know God are not going to be able to do this. Those of us who have a problem talking with him often enough are going to have a problem too. A lot of people’s only experience of ‘church’ has been a very impersonal ‘service’ on a Sunday morning. Maybe someone telling them what not to do and how not to live. A sermon. An organ. What needs to happen is that they need to come in regular contact with people who are going to love them. People who are going to be willing to share time and effort and meals and coffee and beer with them. People who’s lives point to the God that they follow. What ever context this happens in....that works! That is what I want to focus on. I am sorry I’ve wasted sooo much blog space missing and time missing the point.

“as above, so below”

“Keep us safe from ourselves”

“Yes. Yes. Yes.”

grouchy, but only for a stint

The world tells me I need a college degree to get a job that takes up 75% of my time to buy a house that’s too big, two too many cars, a large screen TV and all kinds of other stuff I don’t really need.

The world says I am failing as a person and a father because my little family lives with my parents. I don’t have a degree or any special skills to get a high paying job so I will always make a ‘small’ income they say. They say that I need to do a lot and get a lot of things to be successful.

They say a lot.

I think they say wrong.

I may get a college degree someday. I may spend the whole of my life studying in academia after some point, but it will not be to get a lot of products that are not necessary to life and were probably made somewhere in Asia by an overworked, underpaid, sexually harassed 13 year old who doesn’t have the luxury of buying those same products because he’s saving up to buy his sister back out of prostitution.

The world and some of my family will tell me that taking courses through a means that does not offer a degree that will get me that job that will get me that stuff is pointless.

I don’t think it is me who’s off the mark here.

I let myself get held down by this way of thinking. Sometimes for minutes....sometimes for weeks.

No more!

We have made some mistakes, but....ahh!.... My little family is moving forward with there lives together. No, we don’t know exactly what we are doing a lot of the time. But we sure as Heaven know what we are not going to do.....

If you don’t like the way we live....cool. There’s still a place at our table set for ya’.

Point Blank

I need the shepherding, the guidance, the direction and discipling to examine my own life.

If I am ever going to be a leader, the father I want to be or involved in any church planting in the future I need to examine my life and be open to the possibly painful metamorphosis that will ensue.

How does my life affect yours? My children's? My wife's? Anyone's?

Just In

Now, I don’t know exactly WHAT all of you prayed back in October when we had problems, but….hee hee…WE ARE PREGNANT AGAIN!!!! (six weeks is what the doctor is guessing) - I JUST found out…

As you can imagine we are a little worried. Please pray.

“Yeah baby!”

MMM It's Goood

This recent conversation with brad and bill has woken me up a bit. It stirred me.

I am, today, content with being on the journey. I’m ok with the fact that I am asking questions. Not always getting answers, but more often just more questions.

“It’s gooood!” -my attempt at a Bruce Almighty impression

Good coffee this morning! Shade grown, organic and fair trade and it’s yummy! (no plugs for the brand this time)

Actually this is all I’ve been drinking for months. My concience wont let me do otherwise. That’s ok though bc it is soooooo yummy.

yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy

asking-seeking-traveling

I have been told that I am asking good questions....I hope I continue if that is so.

In Bill’s comments Matt wrote,

“Your assignment: LEAD ME TO FOLLOW CHRIST
My assignment: LEAD YOU TO FOLLOW CHRIST”

I think that’s pretty on. I believe the problem comes when I or you think that we know the ‘best’ way to do that. I [need] it done in a day-to-day basis in the context of personal, living life together, sharing meals kinda thing. Who knows me better and what I need than the folks who are going through it with me.

Our problem in our church now, with all those people with names, faces and stories of there own, is that all we focus on is the same old Sunday ’service’ and that’s about it. A Sunday night thing here and there, but...how is it that that is community? Stand up-sit down-turn around-say hello-and out ya’ go. How is it that that is the only way we are to get to know each other and love each other as God has commanded.

When that is all ’church’ and Christian community has been for me it really sucks. I just want to live life with people who are asking those questions too! People seem afraid of them here. “We’ve always done it this way.” Yea I know.

I don’t know. Everyone is just too damn busy for us here. I want to be involved with a Christian community on a daily basis. With people with names, and faces and stories of there own. I know that takes time though. We need to be with others who realize that time with each other 'hearing stories, shedding tears and telling stories' is for the edification of all. That is Church.

I’m all about having a good teaching or preaching or “info-download” time, but I think when church, our relationships, our community is based around that, it is...(sigh)...not for me. I don’t think that having a ’speaker’ even once a week would bother me so much if there was more to my church/Christian community experience.

We could be wrong about a lot of things.

This could get messy.

We'll keep asking, seeking, and traveling though.

pieces of old posts....simple....but they are me

"Lord Jesus I pray that it is not any agenda of my own that I aspire to. Your will be done. Please help me to get off of my butt and out into the world around me that you may touch lives. Help me to not hide it under a bushel or under a steeple. Please make yourself real and visible in my life that others may see. I can do nothing without you. Guide me Father for I feel so lost. Use us to go to those places and those people who are not being reached by the traditional Church. Please bring some people in to our lives that will guide us and challenge us to seek God. Help us to love 'em all. Even when they're as messed up as we are. Thanks for being here even when we're lookin' the other way."

*******

"I want to light a candle and have some time with God. I want to go sit down with a cup of coffee and talk about my kids. My wants. My hurts. I want to listen to you. I want to serve the Lord! Full-time."

*******

"I don't know what God has in store for me or us as a family, but I do know that we need some close relationships with people who will " challenge us to seek God, either within or outside our church's walls"(thanks Kristen) I have become part of some relationships in my blogging community that are this way and I hope that I have as much to offer them, as well. I need this in my geographic community too though."

*******

"I want to learn how to love. How to guide people who want to be servants also. Not telling them what to do, but guiding/directing/challenging them."

I Cor. 3:7 - "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

As much as my ego wants to be known as a success and a 'big-important person' i just hope that somehow we can spend our whole life-full-time 'pointing to God.'"

*******

My kids are so cool!!! Love 'em-Love 'em-Love 'em!!!

*******

"discipleship is the most effective method for evangelism under heaven."-brad

(ok that last one wasn't mine, but it is......true and the struggle i find myself in)

The Journey

I had a thought. Nope. It’s gone....Oh, there it is.

As far as I see that I have come as a whole person over the past 4 years or so I realize how much I still struggle with all things. When you are on drugs you don’t get real far growth wise. It was actually more like a backwards motion. In four years of being clean and trying to follow Christ I realize that I am still Scotty. I still struggle with stupid, petty things. I still am selfish. I still run thoughts around in my head and in my blog and get nowhere. It’s kinda like why I am bad at ‘Axis and Allies’ and chess. I know all the moves. I know the goal. I see the enemy. Though, in these games you have to be able to think moves ahead. I am no good at this. And I will forget 3 moves from now what my plan was. No good when you are trying to save the world from the tyranny of your brother-in-law. You have to be able to look at the board and know which way to go. I can’t in ’Axis and Allies’. I can in ’Risk’. Risk isn’t as complex. I need someone there during Axis and Allies to remind me what I’m doing. Someone who is better at looking further down the road. Someone to fill in the gaps where what I am good at isn’t good enough.

Kinda sounds like Church....

Any way, I forgot what I was saying....oh. I forget that what all I’ve been babbling about all this time in my blog....what it comes down to is that *I need discipled. I....we are not growing where we are at.* We realize it is not just about us and our needs, but about others in the church as well. About those who still have yet see the love of Christ. I truly believe that we will naturally grow in a more natural form of Church. The form of 'a small group on a journey together'. I look at how Christ discipled his followers and remember that it is not Christ that has changed, but the Church. I don’t feel I can help these specific people here at FBC until I have grown. I don’t know how to help them in this context right now. If I could ever have time to have coffee or set around a table with any of them to just converse and share life together....I believe there would be growth. Not mine or that persons doing, but Christ’s. No one takes time together. Except the one-third of the church that is all related to each other.(we live in a small town)

I get frustrated when my only link to the outside world is here. The web. Especially when I stop giving input or getting it from you.

I can’t wait to get to Indy and ’shake off our feet’. What we are doing here, to me, is exactly what Alan Creech was referring to as “rehashing ways of doing things, slightly reworking them and never really changing ” - and yes, that is insanity.

a few thoughts

Ice covering everything this morning. It's a very cold 34°F. Mikah is a little sick. Pray it’s not the flu. We got the tree and lights put up last night, but the kids were too tired so we will put the ornaments on today.

I have such a beautiful family! :^)

I’ve spoken and thought so much about the second greatest commandment, “love your neighbor as yourself”, that I have neglected the first. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt 22:37-40) I realize that my inability to be ANY good at the second one is my neglect of the relationship with my God. I’m just trying to take some one-on-one time there.

A few thoughts that are sticking around:

John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. (it‘s not just as I love myself, but as Jesus loved me that I am to love others)

John 15:18-19 "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you.” "If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.”

Romans 12:1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

“bodies a living and holy sacrifice”.....service! Obviously that is in the practical context of this world. That is how Jesus did it.

In our fellowship with one another, our ‘community’, we have all forms of chances for service. All kinds of needs to be met on all different levels. We know that our church is to be inclusive and visible(visible doesn’t mean a larger steeple). - “not the righteous, but the sick” - Isn’t this worship? Worship is soooo much more than singing (Ps. 66:4) and lifting up our hands (Ps. 63:4). These are obviously good, but.......I think of John 13:35 which says "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." This would have to be visible. There would have to be service. It has to be practical to be understood and seen.

Breaking News......

I am going to be taking a break from this space for a bit.

Might be an hour - might be a week - might be a month - might post another directly after this one - just feel like I need to stop talking and listen for a bit.....

Samaritans in the AIDS Crisis

A biblical parable offers important lessons about how Christians should respond to the global AIDS epidemic.

By Richard E. Stearns - President of World Vision

Two thousand years after Jesus gave the church the parable of the Good Samaritan, we are still asking the question, "Who is my neighbor?" And we’re still getting the answer wrong.

Jesus used this parable to challenge the religious establishment of His day. Today, the parable compels us to challenge our own community of faith, an American Church that is only belatedly responding to the AIDS pandemic, which last year alone killed 3 million people. Most of them were in Africa.

The lesson, which begins in Luke 10:25, answers one of the most profound questions in all of Scripture, asked in the story by an expert in the law: "Who is my neighbor?"

We find Jesus' answer in the actions of the four main characters: the victim, the priest, the Levite and the Samaritan.

The only thing we know for certain about the victim is that he was in dire need: beaten, wounded, bleeding, and possibly dying. We don't know why he was beaten. He may have been an "innocent" victim, unjustly attacked. He may have been a robber, beaten by fellow thieves. Jesus did not feel that it was relevant whether the man who had been beaten was at fault.

Today, as many as 46 million people are infected with the AIDS virus. In southern Africa, one in five adults is infected. If Jesus, in the parable of the Good Samaritan, did not distinguish between those who became victims because of sinful behavior and those who were innocent victims, should we? In truth, we are bound by Scripture to respond to all those beaten and left by the side of the road by this devastating virus.

Scripture makes clear who has the right and the responsibility to judge: It is God, not us. Yet we judge people with AIDS. We conveniently forget that we all would be dead if we faced such a certain death for any of our sins – including indifference to those who are suffering.

That sin, of course, is the only one Jesus condemns in the story of the Good Samaritan, and is embodied by the next two characters in the drama: the priest and the Levite. They represent the religious establishment of the day. We are told that they saw the man and yet they passed by on the other side of the road, unwilling to help. They knew what was right, but failed to act.

In 2002, World Vision commissioned a study through the Barna Research Group to determine the willingness of the Christian community to get involved in fighting the AIDS epidemic. When evangelical Christians were asked whether they would be willing to donate money to help children orphaned by AIDS, only 3 percent answered that they definitely would. More than half said that they probably or definitely would not help. The survey found that by many measures, non-Christians were more inclined to help. How should the Christian community respond to those affected by AIDS? The fourth character of Jesus' parable shows us.

The Samaritans were often despised by the Jews, and considered them heretical and unclean. Nevertheless, this Samaritan saw the man at the side of the road “and took pity on him." He bandaged his wounds and poured oil and wine upon them as a salve. He put the man on his own donkey, transported him to an inn, and left money for his care. And he promised to return to check up on the man again. It was not a minimal response. It was a complete engagement.

The Samaritans of the AIDS crisis seem just as unlikely to today's religious establishment: the homosexual community, Hollywood, political liberals, the U.S. government, the United Nations, secular humanitarian organizations, and even a rock star. Bono, lead singer of the group U2, has been a prophetic voice on AIDS. When addressing a group of Christians in Washington, Bono asked, "Will American Christians stand by as an entire continent dies for 'small money'?"

Years from now, the AIDS pandemic will be judged as one of those rare crossroads in human history, where everything that comes after it will be seen through its lens. Every generation struggles with events and crises that ultimately define it. Every generation has its sins – of commission and omission. The lens of history can be brutally honest in its judgment.

How could American pioneers justify their treatment of Native Americans? How could pre-Civil-War America have tolerated slavery? How could churches in America have turned a blind eye to racial discrimination in the '40s and '50s? And how can the American church, with all its resources and influence, fail to respond proportionally to the greatest problem facing the world?

I am certain that God expects His people to act, not remain silent. I am certain that God sees these widows and orphans as our neighbors, lying beaten and bleeding on the side of the road, helpless and needing our help. And I am certain that He calls us to stop, show compassion, comfort them, bind up their wounds and see that they and their children are cared for.

How? By advocating for right theology in our churches and right policies by our government. By praying for people with AIDS, for the children they leave behind, and for their caregivers. By volunteering with local organizations serving people affected by HIV/AIDS. And by supporting our brothers and sisters in Africa and elsewhere in their efforts to stop this epidemic and care for those whose lives already have been shattered.

Jesus ends the Parable of the Good Samaritan with a powerful challenge. When He asked the expert in the law which of the three men had been a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers, he answers with a new understanding: "The one who had mercy on him."

Jesus then looks at this man and concludes what is perhaps the most powerful moral teaching in all of history with a command of just four words. "Go and do likewise."

found this @ Beliefnet

"Day Without Blogs"

"Five people worldwide die of AIDS every minute of every day. HIV has hit every corner of the globe, infecting more than 42 million men, women and children, 5 million of them last year alone." - worldaidsday.org

"A tragedy of unprecedented proportions is unfolding in Africa. Aids today in Africa is claiming more lives than the sum total of all wars, famines and floods and the ravages of such deadly diseases as Malaria"

"We must act now for the sake of the world"

"Aids is no longer a disease it is a human rights issue"

Nelson Mandela – International AIDS Conference – Paris

Pomo Trek

I seem to think a lot about discipleship. Cause at the end of the day that is what I need and that is what, in my experience, is lacking in the church. And also....... No. No also. That's it. I believe that for me to be discipled and for us to disciple folks that I know in the church and for us to reach those that I know out of the church there must be family like relationships going on. Loving eachother. Eating with eachother. On and on.

But first what is discipleship. What does it look like today? Here? Now? For me? For him? For her? Especially when we are talking about discipling the whole person. Is the structure that seems to frustrate me chocking the growth for others as well? What do we do about it? What are we will to change? About ourselves!?

I could go on and on.

These questions are so frustrating to me. Not only because I don't have the answers, but because they almost haunt me hourly! And I am nothing. I am no one. I know nothing. I have done nothing. I still haven't done much for the kingdom besides hold down a pew and ask whole lot of difficult questions.

Ah, but I am a prince! It is my duty as an heir to be burdened by these questions and to seek out answers....

These are the voyages of the noisyragamuffin. My mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new conversations; to boldly go where no scotty has gone before.

in my experience....

I hate that when I talk about all of this it seems that I speak so generally. Not based on any existing relationship and how to react, live, love, be in that relationship. It is all based, however, on my observations in MY church experience. MY frustrations. Mine and my families needs and what I think could help us.

“life is not in the measurements”

After reading Amy’s “why standards and models?” post I am thinking about my holding back in my mind. My fear in all of this ‘deconstructing’ or ‘unpacking’ or whatever.

“When I am ruled by fear, I believe that I am only as good as what I can do. My vision only goes as high as those who have come before me, or it reacts to those who came before me. It is only as high as my education, or the faith of those around me. In other words, I continue to copy others' standards, or develop them, or deconstruct them. I become a shadow of worldly copies.”

She mentions,

“Each one of us is an imaging of God--a life that is based on a heavenly mold, God himself. But because God is eternal, and has unending ways of expressing His very nature, He will continue to manifest Himself differently through each individual that is born on earth now and to come.”

And,

“God is a God of diversity and freedom, and fresh vision. God tells us that each one of us is a unique manifestation of His divine life, and no one else can copy what we create on earth. His spirit also breathes new life and higher vision, of which He is the only ceiling. The enemy rules by homogeneity, stifled vision, and lies. "The Lord is THE Spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" (2 Corinthians 3:17). God is the very origin of life, of spirit, of vision, and where God’s spirit moves, new things happen. He is always fountain-ing. Let Him fountain-forth a vision for each of us of our beauty, as well as our outward expression.”

FBC and/or all of these other traditional churches are here and are what they are and God allows them to be. I am not to judge, but God is moving in me. I am unique and what he will do with me will be unique. Maybe I need to stop trying to ‘deconstruct’ or ‘unpack’ this, seeing that it may be out of fear that I am doing it that way, and begin moving in my own uniqueness. I forget that I AM FREE. Just start focusing on being Scotty and moving in, where and how he directs me to move. Being part of growing something new and B-E-A-utiful! His Church. However that may express it’s self. However we may explain it from time to time. And remembering that others are their own unique expressions. And there are those who, for whatever reason, do not express themselves so uniquely, but it is my job to do nothing more or less than love them as is. Not pointing out there fear or there difference from what I feel is a good thing, but just to love them.

I do not want it to become a fetish this being house/simple/organic/post residual/don’t-even-want-to-put-it-into-words kinda church. Don’t want it to be US vs. THEM. That’s BS! I understand mine and other’s frustration and anger about things, but let’s not forget to just love each other. And trust that Christ is going to shine through our unique expression of Him and remember we don’t have to try and defend it all the time. We are FREE! And that is something to be thankful for on this day.

but....

There's always a 'but' huh?

I am still here whether I like it or not.

We are not living in our own home at the mo, I am in relationship with these folks at FBC and we still live in this little bitty rural town with no real gathering places. I need to be listening to what God wants us to be doing, here and now, while we are still here. In THIS place. In THIS context. Who, where, how will we serve? If we want God to give us more responsibility we need to be listening and doing his will now. I think I've been in my head so much about all of this...hmm...'relational discipleship' stuff that I've not been alert to potential relationships right here.

Lord help me!

My Little Fish Bowl

In our discussion group at FBC today the talk came around to what Heather and I are feeling led to be a part of and about whether or not the church(FBC) supported us or not.

It was clear that many of them do support us, but it did not take but a few moments to get to the topic of cults, structure, lack of structure and leadership.

There was nothing that I could have said so I didn't try because I knew I didn't have the words. Very frustrating!

*"WARNING! WARNING! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!"*

Because I've only ever done church this...'residual' way, with all it's structure and leadership, yeah I do have my own concerns and things I will look out for, but it makes me realize how the church does so much out of fear. Which is us trying to do things by our own understanding in stead of remembering that it is just about loving our neighbor. But with all the 'structure' and 'leadership' in the traditional church has that really kept bad things from happening? NO! And if you're really paying attention at all you would realize that it is the cause of a lot of problems if not sometimes a temptation in it's self.

Someone mentioned how I need to be 'readied' before I go. But....the problem is there is no one there to disciple us for this. Our church is like that spider plant in the hanging pot that does not have the ability to let the baby spider plants root themselves in the soil without them being snipped off. They just hang there.(got the spider plant thing from watercarriers website)

Goodness I want out of this little town/fish-bowl!

Yes, there are lot's of temptations and stumbling blocks out there, but let us not forget that God is with us. It's not What Would Jesus Do? it's What Is Jesus Doing? And my faith is worth nil if I keep it boxed in.

I feel like a rat in a cage.

Re: generation a continuing process?

Hey folks,

After losing the baby we began looking at everything differently. Lots of fear came out of the hurt. When we were in Dallas for Cairn Heather and I were wanting to see that Christ was in this. And of course we found him there. I think we were able to see the love of the people even more due to our loss. We left there sure that God wanted us there.

*sissy just went pee-pee in the potty....YEA!!*

Heather and I decided at some point that we need to find a way to support ourselves before we go. In my mind we are moving forward into a not-so-traditional form of full time ministry. Trying to live missional lives we need to be able to support our little fam. Neither of us have been to school and the city(Dallas) costs a whole lot more to live in than the little-bitty town we are in now.

Heather has decided to be trained to do medical transcriptions because that would allow her to work from home and also for us to be mobile. Her and her brother have changed things up with their business and we are all now learning to build computers. The parts for the first pc are in the mail now. I pray this all works out because I think it rocks! It is something I've always wanted to do.

Anyhoo, Heather and I will not be moving to Dallas this winter. It is still in our plans for the future, but there is just no timetable for when it will happen. We hope to make as many pilgrimages down as possible.

(if this decision is out of fear and not in God's plan then we pray that he will show us our error and toss us down there ASAP)

I, personally, wish we were there now. We love you all SO much. I've spoken very little to you all since we've been back, but everyone of you has been in my prayers.

We really want to serve our Lord in our day-to-day lives and this critiquing of everything we do really makes me uneasy at times. I've grown up 'going' to church and doing things(or not doing things) in that context and sometimes I feel how Spencer Burke explains that "We picture home repair projects gone wrong-with heaven and hell hanging in the ballance." I've grown up assuming things had to be done a certain way and in my trying to figure out how to serve the Lord in this ever changing place we call America I have realized that the way I've been doing things does not and will not work. Many Preachers and PKs in my family. A lot of my questions don't set well at times with folks. Our questioning where we spend our money(wal-mart, coffee and just about everything else) causes the same uneasiness in folks. I can understand because in this little town and making so little money it causes us to look at the whole way we operate. We need this critiquing and change not just for those people we want to reach, but for ourselves as well.

Anyway, most of you have been going through this for some time and we thank you for you stories and for your prayers. And thank you for still reading this blog. I know I don't explain myself very well and sometimes what gets posted doesn't make a whole lot of sense outside of my head.

Re: generation a continuing process? Me thinks so.

However...

It is in me that there is need for more church planters. I am aware that there is need for emerging leaders and Heather and I are here and we are soooo willing. Just adds to the frustration when we are here away from any one else that is in this when we need to learn from them. You.

We still need to figure out how to support ourselves and our family. If we are to be leaders someday we need to also be 'tent-makers'. Heather and her brother's little corporation has been having problems with their supplier so they were looking for a bit of a change. So, we are all now taking on the task of learning to build custom pc's. This is something I wanted to do a long time ago. I am very excited, but this is quite the challenge. Lot's of research and more and more research and studying. My eyes hurt from reading so much and my brain hurts from all the new info coming in, but we really need this and we need to do it right. So all the prayers you can shoot up on this would be greatly appreciated.

Well, I must get dressed for work. Blog at ya' latter.

The Core of my matter

Anyone who reads this or speaks to me in any form knows that I have been struggling with finding my place in the kingdom. You've heard my frustrations with my experience of church. You may have also noticed that I have been more than frustrated and that I've posted many times in the past about just 'being' and about all the postmodern-organic-simple-small-group-on-a-journey-kinda ways of doing Church and blah blah blah and yada yada yada.

Now recent conversations(one being from a movie), posts, and comments have made me realize some of my pitfalls and things I have been doing with good intentions, but have caused more frustration than anything.

First I realized that I had been taking all of the thoughts and answers and articles and books and taking from them that they were THE 'answers' to our problems here and the problems of the 'whole' church. Obviously this is wrong.

Second, I was reminded about my need for a tribe. MY need to be part of a "small, committed order or team on a journey rather than be an attender in a large, impersonal worship service." It isn't just that I believe this is what those around us are looking for and that this is how we can 'reach' them. This is what I need! I want it for me! I want and need to be discipled and I realize that this, for me, is the best way to do that over all.

I've been trying to keep up with conversations and theories from those who have been at this longer than I have and I just can't do it. And that's Ok, Scotty! Brad, Andrew, Mclaren, Sweet, Mark and whom ever else have been doing this for a long time and they didn't get where they are at now over night. And they sure as Heaven didn't get there by just reading books and blogs about it. They began in their own homes, relationships and communities. I have done nothing, but rant and rave and cry out for answers to all the questions that come in daily.

I watched the movie The Core last night. This conversation made things all come together in my brain for what ever reason.

Dr. Keyes -- "Oh, God, this all seems too big, doesn't it?"

Serge -- "I think you were attempting the impossible. You were trying to save the world, and it's overwhelming.

I came here to save my wife and my two children and....six billion lives--it's too much.

I just hope I'm smart enough and brave enough to save three."

So, Scotty is going to focus on my family, my friends, on what Jesus is already doing there. I will just focus on loving you and him and her and try not to worry about whether I am being 'strategic' or not.

Duh, huh?

Where's my tribe at?

This is in response to Brad's last couple of posts...

This ragamuffin, who desires....whose heart aches for the tribal-egalitarian-let's-get-it-on! kinda ekklesia, wanders what this means for him?

Our being part of this 'traditional/teamwork' based church has caused so many frustrations for us.(i realize frustration is present in all families) I can't help but think that it has been strangling us and not allowing us to just BE on the journey. And the journey with each other.

Can't help but think that it is part of the muck that has kept us from realizing our creativeness. Our uniqueness.

Anger has arisen at times of course. But this local gathering, imperfect as it may be, still really does try to be an expression of their relationship with God.

What about listening to the 'leaders'? Is ok at some point, as much as it may hurt, to step out and wipe our feet, realizing that the purpose is maturity and this has stunted our growth?

Where does one go who desires to be part of a tribe where there is no visible tribe?

We're beginning to see this church move here. There is life stirring within her walls, but the life of this potentially beautiful organism has never known the freedom and growth of one rooted outside of the confining pot into the fertile soil of the earth.

The Contemplative 4 Year Old

Mikah, in the middle of playing today, turns with this curious look and asks, "Who made God?".

Wow! The first thing you think to say is that God has always been here......

After reading John 1: 1-5 I think about how I am here in this world...in the darkness. Christ in me, yes!, but I am not going to comprehend this. Especially with the restraints of my concept of time and ideas of what 'being' is.

I can't help but think that Mikah gets it better that I do.

Holistic Dance Party

I started reading Paul's Idea of Community over again today. It's good to be reading again and to be feasting on the nutritious words of the Bible.

"As we have seen , for Paul the gospel bound believers to one another as well as to God. Acceptance by Christ necessitated acceptance of those whom he had already welcomed (Rom 15:7); reconciliation with God entailed reconciliation with others who exhibited the character of gospel preaching (Phil 4:2-3); union in the Spirit involved union with one another, for the Spirit was primarily a shared, not individual, experience. (2 Cor 13:14; Phil 2:1; Eph 4:3) The gospel is not a purely personal matter. It has a social dimension. It is a communal affair.

To embrace the gospel, then, is to enter into community. A person cannot have one without the other. But what sort of community? Where does it exist? How is it expressed?"

Good question.

Thinking about Andrew's post today:

"It might be better to have a party that is redemptive than having a boring service that has moments of drama/fun."

How that makes me think of the story of the prodigal son and how when the older brother came in from the field he heard "music and dancing".

Thinking about Howie's teaching Sunday and His question, "Why do you want to live?"(not the reasons you don't want to die, but the reasons you want to LIVE) -- And like the wolf wanting to live to "dance"!

Thinking how I'm not such a good dancer.

And also thinking quite a bit about Brad's question, "what does it mean and what might it look like to be a holistic, 24-7 disciple?"

"I assume that ardent endeavor to discover the ideal, and to embody it in individual and collective life, develops the bone and sinew of body, mind and spirit."
-Scott Nearing, in The Making of a Radical, A Political Autobiography

Movin' On

'What can we bring to the table?' This has been a frustrating thought for me regarding what I can offer the 'emerging' Church. How can I be 'relevant'?

Damn it Scotty! You are relevant! The good Lord put YOU here didn't He?

From Derek and Amy's blog:

All of our big ideas—and there have been many—must come through the delivery of Jesus’ spirit. Otherwise, and this is what happened to many of those Gen Thresholds who stayed in the church, we make something that kowtows to the cultural zeitgeist of the moment. So some got angry for the church being irrelevant, while others tried to solve the problem by making something relevant. Both sides of our generation let this icky stronghold thrive. Guys, it’s time to be. Jesus is saying to us, GO BE. Really—to go be who we were made to be. What is your wildest dream and what is keeping you from it? If it is God having you on hold, that is one thing, but if you are not doing what you were made to be, you are being someone else.

I am a part of this! WE are a part of this! Brad you are right. "At least we are at the table."

Now, no more wine. Can someone please pass the meat?

The Loathsome Mr. Hyde

I need to be honest with all of you before i completely shake all of this off.

I have become my own personal version of Mr. Hyde these past couple/few weeks. The loss of the baby. The feeling sorry for myself thinking that i was never going to accomplish anything. That i can not be the man that i need to be for this little family God has blessed me with. The worrying about what we can bring to the table?

I got to the place of being angry and bitter and was unable to pray.

A spirit of anger and bitterness had taken me over! I have been neither a good husband, a good friend, a good father nor a good Scotty. I have hurt my family slowly by this. I pray they forgive me.

The Lord has been helping me to shake this off. I need your prayers and support to be free of this. *Please*

I needed to come to this space and be honest with ya'll about this as you, few as you may be, are a part of me.

Home

Check out Earth Shots. You can view NASA pics of the Earth by region and set as wallpaper. They've even got shots of the Kuwait oil fires.

Blue and Green Pearl

John Shuttleworth from a 1975 interview in Mother Earth News(interesting read)

But once you take a giant step back, shake off all your cultural myths, and look at the earth wholistically from the vantage point of space My God! You can see all kinds of trends washing over the face of the planet for all sorts of reasons.

Look at it! It's beautiful! And it has a life of its own. With or without man, the earth is born it lives and it dies. Once it cools as it spins there in space and once the spark of life flickers into being on its surface, hundreds of thousands of species rise and fall on its face. Continents appear and disappear. Volcanoes erupt. Forests creep across the land. The sun pours energy on this lovely blue and green pearl floating in the incredible black void of nothing. Cool rains sweep over its oceans and islands. The earth is gently wrapped with a constantly renewed cloak of plants and animals and its fragile beauty is showcased by an ever changing, swirling veil of opaque, transparent, and translucent atmosphere. Could any planet be more delightful?.

And now, amidst the incredibly complex but self regulating operation of this perfect gem, we see man arising. Alone of all the plants and all the animals on the earth's surface, he can collectively look at himself. And he does and in that first instant of self examination, his brain of which he is so proud deceives him.

"I am something special," man tells himself. "I will prove it by conquering nature." But as one of his number is later to observe, "Nature is always passive. It, therefore, can never be defeated. It can only be destroyed."

And as the destruction goes on, man's brain deceives him again and again. With imaginary lines that divide the planet's lands and waters into territories, nations, and states. With concepts of "right", "wrong", "wealth", "yours", "mine", "money". Always, above all else, "money".

Quote of the Day

"Forget the problems. Concentrate on solutions. And present those solutions in down to earth, easily understood, easily duplicated, relevant terms." - John Shuttleworth co-founder of Mother Earth News

Found this in the October/November issue of Mother Earth News. He was responding to a question "about setting editorial policy for an environmental publication", but I think it is relevant to the emerging conversation and most definitely to me in my current situation.

Father me

Where do I begin?.........We need a plan......We are so young and ignorant. Why is God 'calling' US?

"I have found my calling: my call is love." A quote from St. Therese.

I've grown apathetic about things that are really important to me.(ie His Church and 'those crazy freaky people' like Heather and I who the Church, in my experience, isn't reaching)

Pray that I would let God father me.

Broken

I am nothing, but frustrated! I've realized my inability to do anything. Want to learn/be trained to serve in the 'emergent' Church.--whatever that means.

"So, let's go to Dallas!"

Heather and I have no marketable skills to find well paying jobs....

Heather finds some thing she thinks she would like to take courses for and then do......then she just begins doing it. She has a self-confidence. I on the other hand can not find anything positive about myself to find the confidence to just begin doing something. I would love to get into a number of different things, but do not see an ability to achieve those goals. I fear trying and failing......so I do nothing. The result being frustration...more fear...anger....sadness....the feeling of not being the man that can take care of this family....

I am nothing. I'm having a hard time praying. Reading the Bible. I need to see Christ @ work in me, but when I can't it's hard to just give it all to Him and realize "I can't, but He can" isn't just something we as Christians say, but something we need to live......

Lightning Does Strike Twice....

According to the BBC,

"Actor Jim Caviezel has been struck by lightning while playing Jesus in Mel Gibson's controversial film The Passion Of Christ. The lightning bolt hit Caviezel and the film's assistant director Jan Michelini while they were filming in a remote location a few hours from Rome.

It was the second time Michelini had been hit by lightning during the shoot.

Neither of them was badly hurt, according to the film's producer Steve McEveety.

Michelini had previously been struck during filming in Matera, Italy, when he suffered light burns to his fingers after lightning hit his umbrella.

Describing the second lightning strike, McEveety told VLife, a supplement of the trade paper Variety: 'I'm about a hundred feet away from them when I glance over and see smoke coming out of Caviezel's ears.' "

Feeling like poo. I've been sick for the past couple of days. Not sure how that happened. No one around me has been sick. Gotta be brad. Have to send him a nasty email. Heh-heh! Kidding! Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better man.

My lovely wife blessed me with some delicious minestrone soup today. She's so great.

Derek says, "We must find out where we are on our journey and let Him parent us there, so we can progressively come into the fullness of knowing Him. God is a great parent and knows what we need at each stage! But we do not always know where we are at. We need to get with Him and find out. He will tell us, so we grow into a solid tree by His River!"

Trying see where we are at and if it is NOW that we go to Dallas or later or if we are just supposed to be networked with everyone down there or..........We really need to be still and listen to him for a bit. Could use your prayers on this.

I have to remember that the 'normal' folks aren't' going to understand or agree with who I am......

I am called to a unique purpose. I may be crazy. I hope I am NUTS more often than not. I went looking for that metaphor to describe myself to myself a few days back.....I couldn't think of one. I would have to be able to think of all these traits that are good about me. That is not something that I am good at. I am good at seeing those things I am not good at though. And I realize when I am at my weakest and relying on God that is when I am my strongest. I know that the more I look to him the more I will be transformed.....into myself. Christ in me. This sounds crazy to most.

Derek speaks about God using "left-handers". Sweet talks about God using those who are NUTS. A run through of the those God used in the Bible, of our Saints, shows us that they were quite the band of misfits. In the process of 'waking up' I look around and see that everything that is 'normal' is quite different than that which is to be normal to me-a disciple. And like the lion who asked the horse how to 'be' I am quite confused as to who I am. Like Neo, I'm looking for purpose. Mark has said that, "As we get to look more and more like Jesus, we don't get to look more and more like each other. We get to look more and more like ourselves."

I am unplugged. I realize I have the freedom of choice. Who I am is found in the 'how' and 'why' I make the choices I do.

I wander what choices will be made in Revolutions.

Mikah and Kiara brightening up another day.

HOT HOT HOT--CAN'T STOP THE POTTY-ROCK!!!

Wooooo-weeee!!! I just made my first curry and man is it HOT! Oh man.....(i had to get a glass o' milk). Very good though. Needs another vegetable I think. I got to say I'm a little proud of myself it is very, very good.

Oh, yes! I'm also proud of my little Kiwi. She has just gone pee-pee in the potty for the second time. She's doin' good! Go Kiwi-Go Kiwi!

I got a call right after the last post telling me I do not have to go to work....Should I go back to sleep?

Councilor Hamann - "I hate sleeping. I never sleep more than a few hours. I figure I slept the first eleven years of my life, and now I’m making up for it. What about you?"

I wander if I could have this coffee injected straight into the blood. Hmm..... Ahh well, it's 3am and this cup is the only thing keeping me from falling out of my chair, but I did get to sleep in an hour. YEAH!

AMERICA THE DUTIFUL?

Dan Hughes' future sister-in-law, Beate (Bay-ah-tah), incarcerated by Homeland Security. Check out the article here in the Gazette.

Turned Away at Border

The love story of Trevor Hughes and his fiancee began in an elementary school in the Himalayan foothills.

They were "global nomads." He was a diplomat's son. She the daughter of missionaries. They lived in Asia, attended school together, fell in love and want to get married in June.

But when Hughes' fiancee, a German national, tried to visit him on a six-month tourist visa Monday, she was detained in Atlanta, handcuffed, jailed--even stripped of her diamond engagement ring.

Then, after 20 hours without food, she was put on a plane and shipped back to Stuttgart.

"This isn't the America I fought for," said Hughes, who served in the Navy and U.S. diplomatic corps. "You don't expect that from a great country like ours."

Trevor says,

"Two things need to be accomplished to begin to correct this injustice:

1. There must be a high level inquiry into this situation, a records review and a full reversal of all that has happened. All records pertaining to this incident that are not deemed essential for security or relate to an infraction of the law (which will be none) must be destroyed and removed from any computer system so that Beate can travel freely to this country after being given a new and legal tourist visa.

2. Oversight must be installed for this specific immigration issue. A personal second opinion must be mandatory for a situation like this and the "good old boy" system must not override the dignity and rights of the human beings involved. The holes in the system that allow non-criminals to be treated as criminals for "procedural reasons" must be proactively addressed with new policy outlining how non-criminal foreign citizens being denied entry into the United States are to be treated; how said foreign citizens' right to counsel are to be handled and what right to appeal to a person or body acting as oversight to the immigration officials making these decisions is to be undertaken.

It is not right for a person, especially a visitor to our country, to be told that they are both innocent of any wrong doing and not suspected of anything to be handcuffed and processed into a city prison system with actual criminals. That procedure does not follow the logical and systematic rule for the use of proportionate force.

The punishment must fit the crime, and if there is no crime..."

"Over and over, the Rule calls us to be more mindful of the little things, even as it reminds us of the big picture, allowing us a glimpse of who we can be when we remember to love." - pg. 7 The Cloister Walk

I've been thinking about who I am. About needing or not needing to be "relevant". About what being "saved" is. About the pain that comes with losing someone you love that you have never met.

I became a drug addict @ 17. AFTER being "saved" @ 15. If I had not turned back to reach-out for Christ a few years back, to trust in Him again DAY AFTER DAY, this recent loss would have broken me.

I am selfish. If Christ was not in me I could not love. If I did not try and learn from his life I would not know how. In losing a child I have wanted to be angry. "Why us?"--- "What was the purpose of it all?" -- "This *#@&?!$ sucks!" -- "What now?" If I did not love as I do I would have remained angry. I would have been a shadow of myself. Because of Christ and His love and being His disciple I realized that I could not remain angry. I would not have treated my children like the blessings that they are. I would have not been a loving husband and friend to my wife. I would have given up on trying to live a missional life because I would have said, "what's the point?".

I still hurt, but knowing this child is with God and realizing we are still here..........we must move forward. We must ask what we are to learn from this situation and being followers of Christ we must ask what we can learn of Him. We have realized that other's who choose to follow Him day after day, his disciples, have been the biggest blessing and testament of what salvation means in the here and now. You all may not be a 'gathered' church, but you are His Church and you have blessed us beyond measure with you words, your petitions to God, your open doors, lives, hearts...refrigerators and your wallets. It is not a common thing for people to live as we all are choosing to live---For each other, knowing that it is for Christ as well.

We are already moving on with our lives, yes we still hurt, but it is not because we do not care it is because we love. We love and are loved. It's because of Christ. It's because of Christ in you.

This is HOPE! This is RELEVANT! This is CHURCH!

This is SCOTTY!

Psalms 34:11 - 19 from The Message

Come, children, listen closely; I'll give you a lesson in God worship.

Who out there has a lust for life? Can't wait each day to come upon beauty?

Guard your tongue from profanity, and no more lying through your teeth.

Turn your back on sin; do something good. Embrace peace - don't let it get away!

God keeps an eye on his friends, his ears pick up every moan and groan.

God won't put up with rebels; he'll cull them from the pack.

Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you.

If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.

Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time.

ARE YOU THERE BLOG? IT'S ME, SCOTTY

Sorry I have not been around. Thoughts and emotions have been everywhere lately. Been trying my best to take care of my little fam. Lots and lots of prayer! (and we thank you for yours)

As a result of Cairn and the lives of the people who were involved our prayer life has grown tremendously. We have also started recycling a whole lot better. (prayer....recycling....Hmm?)

Anyway, I'll be back later. MUST HAVE COFFEE!!!

THERE AND BACK AGAIN

A journey of self-discovery? Shall I find a metaphor to explain myself....to myself? Hmm...

As I think about what it will take to move forward in our spiritual journeys, I think self-awarness will be key. Before we can change the church (or even the metaphors of the church), we need to understand who we are as individuals and what we bring to the table. -Spencer Burke

I have tried numerous times to post since arriving back in Indiana on Wednesday night. I just don't know what to say...or feel at the moment. I have the right to be confused and lost in this cluster of emotions I suppose.

We thank you all for your prayers. And to all you in Texas we thank you for bending over backwards for us. Other than in my own home I have never felt so cared for. Heather's mother is very touched by all of you. She has said she can not believe that people would open up their home and their lives to 'strangers'. WE know you are not strangers though. You are our family. An eternal bond. We love you all so very much! I would begin listing names, but I would unintentionally leave folks out and I don't want to do that. All of you know who you are.

Again, I am sorry I have not posted until now and we have not contacted you to let you know how we are doing.....we don't know either. We feel your prayers and know that we would not be moving along without them.

I came across this in Brennan Manning's The Signature of Jesus yesterday. It was something that i needed to here. It is something i hope i can say at some point in my life. This was his friends last entry in his journal before he was found dead in his appartment in a Perisian slum..

"All that is not the love of God has no meaning for me. I can truthfally say that I have no interest in anything but the love of God which is in Christ Jesus. If God wants it to, my life will be useful though my word and witness. If he wants, my life will bear fruit through my prayers and sacrifices. But the usefulness of my life is his concern, not mine. It would be indecent of me to worry about that."

...or why i do the things i would not or don't do the things that i would...

I....don't...know...why I...feel...so...tongue...tied -- RH

Making Sense of Church--Tour Guide to Traveler (pg.36)

"In seminary, I'd been instructed to not be vulnerable. Under no circumstance were pastors supposed to let their emotions get out of control. Your support system was supposed to be other pastors in the community and people outside of your congregation. You weren't supposed to break down in the pulpit or expose you weak, frail reality. And although they'd never said it, I was pretty sure the same rules applied for a weekend retreat.

In many ways, the strategies I learned as a tram driver in Sacramento were the same ones preached by my professors in seminary. Keep it moving. Stay on track. Follow the script. Don't deviate from the route. Don't get too close to people. These are the keys to a bright, secure future. Bawling like a baby definitely was not on the itinerary."

In my wandering, "what does scotty want to be when he grows up?" and our feeling lead to this old/new way of ministry/Church--that of the 'emergent/house Church' variety---and the anticipation of another beautiful child, a question keeps popping into mind. Should I go to school? In being a follower of Jesus i am more a fisherman than a doctor. I am a simple person with a simple mind. Uneducated. I don't want to be a CEO or a doctor or a lawyer or anything else that I can think of. We feel lead to lead a more missional life as a family. One of risk. And trust.

In wanting to be servants/leaders/fellow journeymen and women in this new paradigm or 'wineskin' is formal schooling needed? I read of seminaries and comments from folks who were taught not to rock the boat and i am reluctant to even consider going to college for ministry. I've heard that they primarily teach you to 'find a church'. I want to learn to 'plant' them. I want to learn to be a 'gardener'.

I've just realized that maybe part of my frustration comes from wanting to be someone big and important. Part of me, i think, wants the position or a title. But no thanks! I am a fellow traveler and i want to stay that way. There was a sign in town that read, "Leadership is action not position." I need to be kicked in the butt when i am gettin lazy. I need to be taught, by example and hands on, to love those who are very different than me. To answer the tough questions. I am horrible at starting conversations. I could learn to do that better. I like to stay in my little hole and be separate from people---they scare me. I need someone or a group of them to guide me out of my shell that i can get out there and mingle with the ugly, dirty, least of these, not so different from you and I kind of people. I can't reach them in our Church building and I can not reach them sitting here.

I want to learn how to love. How to guide people who want to be servants also. Not telling them what to do, but guiding/directing/challenging them.

I Cor. 3:7 - "So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

As much as my ego wants to be known as a success and a 'big-important person' i just hope that somehow we can spend our whole life-full-time "pointing to God."

If i were a big-important person i would probably be a prick anyway. And probably only ever point to God in my words. You would never want to sit down and share a meal with me. Let alone life.

I guess this post kinda evolved, huh? How should we go about education or training if we are considering be part of God's Church planting movement that is going on today? Do groups like Dawn and ECN work with those who do not have formal education? What traits and skills are needed to be successful in this? I do not see a roadmap.